[INFJ] Used Up Giver

[Dolcevita]

Hi there. I coach a lot of people at work as well as my friends. Many of you are possibly in the same boat. Lately I feel all dried up when it comes to helping people, which I actually love doing. It feels like my well has run dry. The way I feel right now if I never supported someone emotionally again that would be just fine. But that is so not me! Has anyone else experienced this or knows how to get your giver mojo back please tell me. Much appreciated.

 

[Nixie]

Apparently not.....

 

[Sriracha]

Throw away the sponges, they become foul when you don't care for them properly. Switch to paper towels. I recommend Bounty Select-A-Size.

 

[Dolcevita]

Ha ha

 

[Kgal]

Hi there. I coach a lot of people at work as well as my friends. Many of you are possibly in the same boat. Lately I feel all dried up when it comes to helping people, which I actually love doing. It feels like my well has run dry. The way I feel right now if I never supported someone emotionally again that would be just fine. But that is so not me! Has anyone else experienced this or knows how to get your giver mojo back please tell me. Much appreciated.

When coaching people try to remember these points:

Don't be attached to them following your advice.
Don't be attached to their outcome.
Give them full responsibility for their actions.
They have to walk their path in order to grow.
You can't walk their path for them.
When people actually allow themselves to feel their pain - this is exactly the road to healing.
Celebrate it.

I just read a post on facebook where they said it's fine to be happy while others are not. I take this to mean to empathize with a person caught up in their pain - but don't take it on and wear it.

Finally - practice Loving Kindness meditations for your self.

And get's lots of hugs.

 

[Frenchguy]

Hi there. I coach a lot of people at work as well as my friends. Many of you are possibly in the same boat. Lately I feel all dried up when it comes to helping people, which I actually love doing. It feels like my well has run dry. The way I feel right now if I never supported someone emotionally again that would be just fine. But that is so not me! Has anyone else experienced this or knows how to get your giver mojo back please tell me. Much appreciated.

I am in the process of regaining my 'giver mojo' as you put it. It has taken 3 long months to start to feel again.

Meditation, writing, and playing my guitar have allowed me to focus the caregiver inside on myself. It seems that it is easier to help others than to care for myself.

Setting boundaries and enforcing them is the key to keeping the "psychic/emotional vampires" at bay. Do something for the pure joy of it.

I hope you get back to feeling good again. Thanks for your post. It reinforced my opinion of this wonderful site and my fellow INFJers here.

 

[#@&5&49]

Knowing what my own limits are and how to communicate those limits in a way that respects myself and other people is what I have found to work best for me. Basically, knowing when to say "no", when to say "yes", when to say "maybe", and when to say, "I can give you part of that but not all of it". It's kind of like the lyrics to that old song, "know when to hold'em, know when to fold'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run". It's a lot easier to say this then it is to actually do it :becky:.

It takes practice. I also have the added challenge of being empathic, which makes it very difficult sometimes to distinguish between my own and other peoples feelings. Like I said it takes time and practice. Good luck and remember to take care of yourself first. Remember what stewardess' on airplanes demonstrate, "put the oxygen mask on yourself first before trying to help someone put their oxygen mask on".

 

[Chess]

Dropping the sponges would be good advice. There's helping people who need help, and then there's helping sponges who make no efforts to return the favor or respect your needs. If you overexert yourself and don't take enough time for yourself or receive adequate help in return, you will burn out.

 

[Gaze]

Still trying to figure out boundaries myself. Best I've learned so far is to realize that you're not responsible for them. You may assist or guide but it's up to them to use it however they will. You can't control how they feel or respond to things. They have to be responsible for thow they think or feel. You can't do the caring for them. They have to learn to care about doing what they need to do for themselves. I've also learned it's not about them listening to me or following my advice, but about them doing what they feel is right for them.

 

[Kgal]

Still trying to figure out boundaries myself. Best I've learned so far is to realize that you're not responsible for them. You may assist or guide but it's up to them to use it however they will. You can't control how they feel or respond to things. They have to be responsible for thow they think or feel. You can't do the caring for them. They have to learn to care about doing what they need to do for themselves.

I've also learned it's not about them listening to me or following my advice, but about them doing what they feel is right for them.

Excellent!