Were You Sheltered As a Child?
- Thread starter sassafras
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No, my parents we're fuck ups all the way. I still love them though and don't blame them for raising their children the way they did, neither of them had fathers or stable families. So really as well as my bros and I turned out, is quite an anomaly.
I had to figure everything out for myself, from homework to puberty to report cards to college admissions. As the eldest sibling I didnt have anyone to turn to for the right answers. This drove me deeply introverted through highschool and most of college. Made my morality much more liquid, killed off many of my feelings and made me angry but extremely capable in life.
I didnt have many incentives to do well other then beating the people around me and being better and having that form of "control" in that way... the only incentives I had not to fuck up were the ass whippings my father was akin to giving out if I got anything less then a B in school or if I didnt take care of my brothers.
I left home just before my 19th birthday.
I had to figure everything out for myself, from homework to puberty to report cards to college admissions. As the eldest sibling I didnt have anyone to turn to for the right answers. This drove me deeply introverted through highschool and most of college. Made my morality much more liquid, killed off many of my feelings and made me angry but extremely capable in life.
I didnt have many incentives to do well other then beating the people around me and being better and having that form of "control" in that way... the only incentives I had not to fuck up were the ass whippings my father was akin to giving out if I got anything less then a B in school or if I didnt take care of my brothers.
I left home just before my 19th birthday.
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Jonathan
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I was, but I wasn't. I was homeschooled, but not by my parents, by my nan. She is a very conservative person who will avoid talking about things that are even a bit risque or edgy. This was both good and bad, since I was given an idea of what kinds of things were appropriate to talk about and what kinds of things people found offensive. Swearing was unacceptable, even though I wouldn't want to anyway as a personal value. Most of what I learned was from books, and many of the books were PG level, so I got an idea of the world in that way.
My parents set firm rules when it came to what we watched on TV. We were fine with it (most of the time), because our parents would explain to us why we weren't allowed to watch certain things.
The reason I wouldn't necessarily call it sheltering was that everything was explained. We were allowed to ask questions and understand why we weren't allowed to do some things. My parents didn't smooth over anything either. They just told us the truth and let us form opinions on things.
The affects have lasted too, since I'm not an average teenager at all in that I've never had any need to rebel or experiment with anything, since I've already formed my opinions and considered the alternatives. Many adults actually tell me that I'm far from being a normal teenager.
The only negatives were the traumatic experience of going to public school, where kids were suddenly a lot meaner and got away with a lot more than I was used to, plus the fact that I was very different in a lot of ways, including being an INFJ! The other negative was that my two youngest siblings aren't held to as strict values as my sister and I, so they act more like 'mean' public school kids.
Both of my parents were abused as children, and were harshly punished, so they made sure their kids didn't have to go through what they did. They also never had much money, and that kind of carried on to us, so we know what it's like to live in a lower income family where you don't get everything you want and have to share what you have.
My parents set firm rules when it came to what we watched on TV. We were fine with it (most of the time), because our parents would explain to us why we weren't allowed to watch certain things.
The reason I wouldn't necessarily call it sheltering was that everything was explained. We were allowed to ask questions and understand why we weren't allowed to do some things. My parents didn't smooth over anything either. They just told us the truth and let us form opinions on things.
The affects have lasted too, since I'm not an average teenager at all in that I've never had any need to rebel or experiment with anything, since I've already formed my opinions and considered the alternatives. Many adults actually tell me that I'm far from being a normal teenager.
The only negatives were the traumatic experience of going to public school, where kids were suddenly a lot meaner and got away with a lot more than I was used to, plus the fact that I was very different in a lot of ways, including being an INFJ! The other negative was that my two youngest siblings aren't held to as strict values as my sister and I, so they act more like 'mean' public school kids.
Both of my parents were abused as children, and were harshly punished, so they made sure their kids didn't have to go through what they did. They also never had much money, and that kind of carried on to us, so we know what it's like to live in a lower income family where you don't get everything you want and have to share what you have.
gloomy-optimist
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My mom is a headstrong ENFJ that came from a farming family with 6 kids and made herself into a lawyer. My dad is an intelligent INTJ that came from a nursing family with 8 kids and made himself a living despite the fact that he hates schooling.
And, having two Ni-based kids, they know what they're doing. My parents are fucking smart, and both have their strengths. We were in child care as soon as possible, and, though they've encouraged us and made us work hard, they never gave us a set path. Find your own strengths and goals, they said! Be independent, be strong! Experience and learn and see! And at the age of 15, I was living in a different country for a year; at the age of 17, I left for school for two years; and now, I'm off to college, but that's old hat anyways.
So no, I was not sheltered. My parents were strict, but only as needed to teach us responsibility and discipline; we lived in the house, so we had to contribute to the household. But, we could do what we earned through their trust, so we were never deprived of anything we wanted to do, as long as we had a reason for doing it.
And, having two Ni-based kids, they know what they're doing. My parents are fucking smart, and both have their strengths. We were in child care as soon as possible, and, though they've encouraged us and made us work hard, they never gave us a set path. Find your own strengths and goals, they said! Be independent, be strong! Experience and learn and see! And at the age of 15, I was living in a different country for a year; at the age of 17, I left for school for two years; and now, I'm off to college, but that's old hat anyways.
So no, I was not sheltered. My parents were strict, but only as needed to teach us responsibility and discipline; we lived in the house, so we had to contribute to the household. But, we could do what we earned through their trust, so we were never deprived of anything we wanted to do, as long as we had a reason for doing it.
driro
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Very sheltered - has to do with culture a lot. They are also very supportive and encouraging at the same time.
I had to work on polishing my social skills. Other than that, I regret being an obedient child and teenager- I have missed out on life in many ways which causes me to mourn and whine every now and then
I had to work on polishing my social skills. Other than that, I regret being an obedient child and teenager- I have missed out on life in many ways which causes me to mourn and whine every now and then
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Skathac
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I was never completely sheltered and while I had some things done for me, my parents were eager to teach me something if I showed interest in learning. For pretty much all of my childhood, three times a year for three to five days each event, my family attended large camp outs in three different locations in Alabama. These camp outs were one huge party....music, alcohol, and such were present. There were a fair amount of children at these events as they were large gatherings with many families and some childless parents. We had some supervision of course, but for the most part the kids were left to their own devices...there was always someone about that would keep us out of too much trouble. Every night for a good 6-8 hours there would be live bands playing at a center stage, dancing and general merry making around these areas. The first time I stayed up until the sun rose was during one of these events. These camp outs are why I can shower in ice cold water comfortably and why I'm so comfortable in the outdoors.
I was never outright rebellious. I only had a handfull of whoopings, once it was a misunderstanding when I was just defending myself and my father apologized profusely when he learned the whole story. So while my parents were strict they had a very good sense of right and wrong...which they instilled into my sister and I. What I didn't learn from them, I learned from my sister whom is six years older than myself.
When it came to me going out, they wanted to know where I was going and who I was going to be with. My father told me a few weeks ago that he felt like he didn't know what the hell he was doing, but he just tried to do the best that he could with what he knew from past experiences with his father. I didn't turn into a murderer, rapist, or thief so I figure they did a good job.
I was never outright rebellious. I only had a handfull of whoopings, once it was a misunderstanding when I was just defending myself and my father apologized profusely when he learned the whole story. So while my parents were strict they had a very good sense of right and wrong...which they instilled into my sister and I. What I didn't learn from them, I learned from my sister whom is six years older than myself.
When it came to me going out, they wanted to know where I was going and who I was going to be with. My father told me a few weeks ago that he felt like he didn't know what the hell he was doing, but he just tried to do the best that he could with what he knew from past experiences with his father. I didn't turn into a murderer, rapist, or thief so I figure they did a good job.
magister343
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I was sort of sheltered, but perhaps more by my sister than my parents. I looked like quite the rebel compared to her, but was still much better behaved than most kids. My parents were by no means tough authoritarians. They just assumed we would be good, so we lived up to their expectations. Everyone in my family is introverted, and with the exception of my mother quite strongly so. They did not get out much, so we grew up thinking not going out was normal. They almost never pushed us to do anything. They wanted us to direct our own lives, but my dad tended to ignore interests I expressed while my mom overreacted and thought I cared way too much when I was merely starting to entertain an idea so I learned not to bring things up much. Neither of us had enough of a social life to be influenced enough by our peers to need active sheltering. We learned a lot on our own (far more when not at school, or when procrastinating on our homework), but were never very active. We were both always perfectionists, so our parents mostly spent time trying to get us to care less about the quality of our work and just get stuff done.
As my late uncle used to say, it takes a pretty dull mind to only be able to come up with one way to spell a word.
p.s. Non-Classical (mis)pronunciations of Latin words are very annoying. Classical Latin is one of the most perfectly phonetic languages, so everything is spelled exactly as it is pronounced. It also had no standardized spellings, so the notion of right and wrong spellings did not exist. She definately make scombridae sound like a French word ending in er. in latin the last syllable ought have sounded more like "dye" tha "day."
In what way are spelling champions geniuses? Spelling is a very Si act. Genius refers to creative capacity (originally meaning the tutelary spirit of a male's reproductive power), generally a very intuitive thing. It does not strike me as a very intelligent thing to spend so much time and effort indoctrinating oneself in the irrational spelling conventions of the English language.
As my late uncle used to say, it takes a pretty dull mind to only be able to come up with one way to spell a word.
p.s. Non-Classical (mis)pronunciations of Latin words are very annoying. Classical Latin is one of the most perfectly phonetic languages, so everything is spelled exactly as it is pronounced. It also had no standardized spellings, so the notion of right and wrong spellings did not exist. She definately make scombridae sound like a French word ending in er. in latin the last syllable ought have sounded more like "dye" tha "day."
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I was the most non-sheltered kid ever. It's a good thing I'm not a sociopath 'cause I'd have gotten away with horrible things. I think having so much freedom gave me a pretty good overall disposition though. My parents guided me through things very well, and gave me tools to do things on my own while making me feel like I could go to them for anything.
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I kinda wonder what the mindset of a parent has to be in order to be able to relax and trust their kids that much. Very rare trait.
Especially when they are little... it's not so much trusting the child, it's more that young children (and to an extent, teenagers) have a complete disregard for personal safety. :fear:
Yeesh... you have NO idea... the stories I could bore you with... I won't do it now, but my children think of very creative ways to maim and injure themselves and others. If I'm a little tense about my children's safety it is only because my goal is to help them actually survive until adulthood!
acd
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Not really... My mom never hid anything for me. I asked what an orgasm felt like when I was 13 and she actually sat down and took great pains to explain it to me...
But then I'd spend weeks concocting an elaborate plan (full of stratagems most strategic) to stay out at a party drinking and she'd somehow track me down (Literally show up at these house parties full of 16 year olds in the middle of the night and drag me home) as if she had implanted a homing device on me--then ground me to the house for months.
I had a 10 pm curfew until I was 18 and then I was never punished for poor grades or being bratty or mouthy in school..
So yes and no? But I'm used to existing on polar opposites at the same time. I think it taught me to be quick.
Seems to have all worked out.
But then I'd spend weeks concocting an elaborate plan (full of stratagems most strategic) to stay out at a party drinking and she'd somehow track me down (Literally show up at these house parties full of 16 year olds in the middle of the night and drag me home) as if she had implanted a homing device on me--then ground me to the house for months.
I had a 10 pm curfew until I was 18 and then I was never punished for poor grades or being bratty or mouthy in school..
So yes and no? But I'm used to existing on polar opposites at the same time. I think it taught me to be quick.
Seems to have all worked out.
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Unfortunately for me, I'm not making any of this up:
I was the epitome of sheltered.
1. Made to dress like Laura Ingalls Wilder on a daily basis.
2. The word "date" was a swear word in my house
3. Homeschooled from preschool.
4. Was not allowed to watch movies
5. We had no television
6. Was not allowed to listen to anything other than classical music or hymns
7. Was not allowed to associate with non-homeschoolers of my age group
8. Was not allowed to get a job as long as I lived at home
9. Was not allowed to wear heels, makeup, shirts with sleeves shorter than the elbow and necklines deeper than the top of the collarbones, or skirts shorter than ankle length (they could be mid-calf length if I wore boots) as only whores wore that kind of clothing. (note: I don't agree)
10. Was expected to accept an arranged marriage
11. Was not taught how to drive because of fears that I would be made too independent
12. Was not allowed to leave the house without an adult chaperone (even for a walk around the block)
13. Was not allowed to do anything that might cause me to break my hymen
14. Was not allowed to use a computer under any circumstances
15. Had to be in bed by 8:00 PM, lights off at 9:00 PM, even when I was living at home as an adult.
16. Was not allowed to cut my hair (I lost it to alopecia later on, and was expected to wear a waist-length wig in compensation) and had to keep it covered at all times
17. Was not allowed to even say "hi" to a boy under any circumstances, however if a married man greeted me I could respond in kind.
18. Ate a completely raw food diet (uncooked veggies, fruits, nuts, and oils) for my entire life.
19. Tasted my first french fry at 24 years old.
20. All books had to be read by my mother prior to my reading them.
My family believed themselves to be Christians.
So how am I here now?
Well, at 20, my family tried to arrange a marriage for me. The guy (who was 39) thought I was a bit young and inexperienced, and implored my family to let me go away to college for at least one semester before our marriage. (I did not want to go through with it, by the way). Instead of college, my family sent me to a bible school in Quebec for an entire year, which to the guy did not count as a semester of college. So, I got to go to college in 2004 at the age of 21. While in my one semester of college, I met, dated, and got engaged to my now-husband. The guy who my family wanted to marry me respected my wishes and left me alone. My family was furious and separated us so that we could not see each other unless somehow he got money to visit and pay for his own lodgings. Thus, in four and a half years of long distance we saw each other a grand total of a month.
Finally, in October 2009, he got enough money to get me out of this situation. Although he was on disability, we had food stamps to pay for our food and we actually got married in November even though we were homeless at the time. We are not homeless now, and are back at the college where we met and I am trying to actually make decisions for myself about what I'm going to study in college. It's been tough though since I don't understand a lot of cultural references, and I failed my sociology class because of that.
And no, I'm not kidding about any of this.
I was the epitome of sheltered.
1. Made to dress like Laura Ingalls Wilder on a daily basis.
2. The word "date" was a swear word in my house
3. Homeschooled from preschool.
4. Was not allowed to watch movies
5. We had no television
6. Was not allowed to listen to anything other than classical music or hymns
7. Was not allowed to associate with non-homeschoolers of my age group
8. Was not allowed to get a job as long as I lived at home
9. Was not allowed to wear heels, makeup, shirts with sleeves shorter than the elbow and necklines deeper than the top of the collarbones, or skirts shorter than ankle length (they could be mid-calf length if I wore boots) as only whores wore that kind of clothing. (note: I don't agree)
10. Was expected to accept an arranged marriage
11. Was not taught how to drive because of fears that I would be made too independent
12. Was not allowed to leave the house without an adult chaperone (even for a walk around the block)
13. Was not allowed to do anything that might cause me to break my hymen
14. Was not allowed to use a computer under any circumstances
15. Had to be in bed by 8:00 PM, lights off at 9:00 PM, even when I was living at home as an adult.
16. Was not allowed to cut my hair (I lost it to alopecia later on, and was expected to wear a waist-length wig in compensation) and had to keep it covered at all times
17. Was not allowed to even say "hi" to a boy under any circumstances, however if a married man greeted me I could respond in kind.
18. Ate a completely raw food diet (uncooked veggies, fruits, nuts, and oils) for my entire life.
19. Tasted my first french fry at 24 years old.
20. All books had to be read by my mother prior to my reading them.
My family believed themselves to be Christians.
So how am I here now?
Well, at 20, my family tried to arrange a marriage for me. The guy (who was 39) thought I was a bit young and inexperienced, and implored my family to let me go away to college for at least one semester before our marriage. (I did not want to go through with it, by the way). Instead of college, my family sent me to a bible school in Quebec for an entire year, which to the guy did not count as a semester of college. So, I got to go to college in 2004 at the age of 21. While in my one semester of college, I met, dated, and got engaged to my now-husband. The guy who my family wanted to marry me respected my wishes and left me alone. My family was furious and separated us so that we could not see each other unless somehow he got money to visit and pay for his own lodgings. Thus, in four and a half years of long distance we saw each other a grand total of a month.
Finally, in October 2009, he got enough money to get me out of this situation. Although he was on disability, we had food stamps to pay for our food and we actually got married in November even though we were homeless at the time. We are not homeless now, and are back at the college where we met and I am trying to actually make decisions for myself about what I'm going to study in college. It's been tough though since I don't understand a lot of cultural references, and I failed my sociology class because of that.
And no, I'm not kidding about any of this.
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Wow I think I killed the thread.