What do I do?

[MENTION=528]slant[/MENTION] well I am not fond of groups either. The main point is to do the things you enjoy. Maybe meeting people who do the same.
I have friends and I can be away from them for months and then pick up where we left off after months.

Yeah I only dump on a couple people. I have stopped this though realizing that though ky life is different from everyone I know, everyone I know has there own issues to deal with. Part of it comes from how we perceive and deal with the world. You dont HAVE to dwell on bad events. You can just let them go. Theres nothing that requires you to feel like crap about something. You can just let it go.
Now I sound like that frozen song. :)
 
slant said:
I am thinking about how if things continue I will have my Bachelor's at 24, still never having had a real job and still having no idea what I want to do and then at that point I will have to get a job and make a decision. I am feeling bad because I am realizing that at some point I will have to be living alone in some apartment, having to go to some job every day and work the same routine over and over. I realize there are certain areas which I could be happier in- nonprofit work or maybe somehow becoming involved in writing for television or movies or something, but basically these things are pipe dreams and it's kind of like...they are "so far away" and "impossible" that my dreams of these things are more of an escape from reality?
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The best advice I can give you is this. Take some time and think about what you REALLY enjoy doing. Set some long-term goals for yourself, and then continually picture yourself where you want to be. After which your subconscious will be drawn to those activities associated with your venue. Actively, you need to do everything in your power to stay in that venue, even if its working freelance, volunteering your time somewhere, or simply working for yourself AFTER your day job is completed. Everyone wants to make a living doing something that they love to do. I hope that you can do the same. :D

Heck, I have two degrees in business but I'm working in design and teaching because I love those two venues. ANYTHING is possible, regardless of what society or an academic grade book tells you. Also, print out this quote and put it somewhere visible. It's always helped me carry on in my time of need. Keep on fighting the good fight. We're all proud of you here. :D

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.”
― Stephen R. Covey
 
just an update guys...i am starting to think this is part of a much much bigger problem. for the past 2 weeks or so i have been having what i think is heartburn. at first when it happened i thought i was dying. i was pretty sure it was heart problems because thats what it felt like. but i finally decided it's probably gerd. i started taking prilosec and other antiacids because at night i could not fall asleep. i mean i've already been having insomnia since december, where i always need to take sleeping pills or i cannot go to sleep, but with the pain it got to the point that EVEN TAKING sleeping pills did not put me to sleep because the pain would keep me awake and afriad. so. the prilosec worked at first but it stopped working and the pain got worse to the point i experienced it 24/7 no matter what, meaning that when i would try to go to sleep i could get a few hours, five hours max and then be unable to sleep despite being very tired. then this week it got so bad i am legit not sleeping at all. i have been awake 2 nights straight now with no sleep at all. i got so scared that i made an appointment with a doctor and went yesterday.

he said my heart rate was fine. blood pressure was normal. drew blood and is testing for liver problems and thyroid problems. he gave me an antidepressant- lexapro. does anyone have any experience with this?

there is something super major wrong with me and i think that this all may be connected...the antidepressant is also to treat anxiety. i am slipping behind on my math class because i am unable to concentrate due to lack of sleep...i even cannot WRITE which is my favorite thing to do...all i can do is watch a movie or something, i feel like zoned out all of the time. yesterday was my first day with the antidepressant today is day 2.

ugh guys. ugh.
 
bloodwork came back a while a go, im 100% healthy. doctor put me on lexapro. seems to be working.
 
Be careful with that stuff that changes brain chemistry. Changes can sneak up on you without you ever noticing.
Also take a close look at your diet. I was having multiple issues to include acid reflux that all went away when I changed my diet.
 
I had some gall bladder attacks a while back that I mistook for very severe heartburn. I used to get heartburn every single night and often had to sleep sitting up because of it as it was so awful, but this pain from the gall bladder was nothing like that. I ended up changing my diet and I have never had an issue since. I also used to suffer with severe anxiety and depression which I reversed (after suffering with it for 16 years) by changing my diet... Not saying that diet is the be all to end all but I find that it changed my emotional and physical health dramatically.
 
Let me give like a fuller more detailed update. So I suppose I have been on lexapro about a month now. I have noticed DRAMATIC (positive) changes. First of all my depression and anxiety is virtually completely gone. I have gained energy. Like the sort of energy I had when I lost 40 lbs and was on a low carb diet and stuff- but back then, I still had anxiety so it was like this 'nervous' energy. It's no longer 'nervous'. I have been going on long walks with this new energy and got a gym membership. Haven't gone to the gym yet because I am working up, I walk about 4 miles a day, 2 miles a day when my muscles are achey. Joined my fitness pal and have been tracking my calories and using this great app if none of you have heard of it called mapmywalk which literally uses gps to track your pace, distance and calories burned based on your weight and pace. It has effected my appetite, too. At first I wasn't hungry at all, but now I've regained my hunger but just... a smaller amount? It feels like I have a better sense of when i get full and how much food i REALLY need to function.

also i am just better able to deal with stressful situations. like i used to not call people on the phone because of social anxiety like especially businesses but now i am able to do it. i used to not ask questions out of fear of looking stupid but now i ask the questions. like i gave my cat his insulin shot and regularly i would be too afraid of doing it wrong, but i just did it and learned how to do it and felt more confident about it. also i have been socializing more, going out and meeting friends, whereas before i would again feel nervous/scared of doing that. hell im not even afraid of spiders anymore xD

what else what else...i think my codependent relationship with my sister has started to cease and i dont even feel bad about it 'ending' in terms of her deleting me from facebook and not wanting to talk to me. basically i realized she was trying to manipulate me and it's easier now for me to put up boundaries and be confident that i'm doing the right thing, not second-guess myself, and not feel 'bad' about it like i normally would.

OH and update on my dad's wife thing: she has been sober for a while now, they made plans both of them to spend more time with their kids which to me indicated a move in the right direction. then last week she added me on facebook and i accepted the request. i have been telling my dad it's okay to bring her around me and that i'll see her. i helped her yesterday apply to jobs online. i can tell she is not on drugs and she did apologize for her behavior and she is totally different, so i am glad that is working out. my sister still refuses to talk to her or give her a chance- which is funny, because she kept telling my mom it was me who had the problem with my dad's wife, not her. i guess that theory has been disproven!

also ive been on okcupid and have been going on dates and there's this person on okcupid who i really think is awesome and they think im awesome and that is so exciting for me. like it is a very equal relationship- i am afraid to drive during traffic hour and the person was like "just drive to my house and i'll drive us there" and thats so sweet and understanding and no one has ever troubleshooted like that for me without me asking them too? they're and intp and really nice.

oh and my math class- i am failing it and have not logged in for like 2+ weeks, but i dont care?? lol. i just decided to drop it for now. i will be working in the summer to save up money for dorms, then im going to transfer to a 4 year college and complete the math class there and get it transferred back so i can secure my associates degree so yeah im just not worrying about that right now. thank you all for your support. my mom and dad really were against me taking the meds but i decided to give them a chance and i cant believe how dramatically my life has changed with literally ONE MONTH of lexapro like wow it is an amazing difference i can't even explain it.

i used to be super sensitive to noises and get weird feelings if things were too loud or light was too bright or something but that has ALL gone away now, thank god!

also it corrected my insomnia, i can sleep now, i feel tired early at like 8pm and wake up at 6am. so yay!


THERE ARE side effects.

for example, inability to orgasm (i was afraid of this at first but then i decided not a big deal if im happy id rather not be able to orgasm lol), sort of a lack of concentration like i can't focus on 'serious' things for too long i get bored. the things is used to do like writing and being on the computer all day are totally unappealing and i barely do either of them. but i figure that is a good thing? i am also less patient with people rambling for hours if i'm not interested and will often just excuse myself and do my own thing. when i first was taking it my limbs would twitch a lot but that is gone now, too.

so overall i dont think thats too much side effects in comparison to what good it is doing for me? i'm wondering if this is how it feels for normal people, if normal people are like....happy? because i am for sure happy. and its weird because i dont think ive ever truly felt this way and god is it a difference!!!
 
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