What is your self improvement plan?

[Sorena]

The most important reason why we should at least think about our behavioral weaknesses (like impatience, anger, lying, being greedy, …) and try to improve ourselves by challenging these weaknesses is that they HURT others and we should do our best to HELP them not to HURT.

in my case, when I become impatient in heat, I will lose my mind and take out my anger on anyone near me (or the first person I see) and it is not fair… I have to learn to be more patient to avoid being angry toward others and prevent possible damages

 

[aeon]

Broad brush...

Emotions are always valid and have zero valence yet may have assigned value.

Actions always involve a choice. As such, one bears responsibility for them.

Cheers,
Ian

 

[moonsea]

Honestly, I want to have more intention regarding my creative pursuits. I feel like I'm letting other responsibilities get in the way of the things I love and then use the days off I do have away from them as an excuse to not pour my energy into those things. Right now I got my Photoshop program open to do daily drawing practices so that I can strengthen these skills more and more.

I used to have a daily planner and it helped me a lot, but of course, I'm not the consistent type.. and so it fell on the wayside.
I'm going to use it again starting tomorrow so that I can keep things in focus. I find that physically checking things off from a list that I can see helps me so much because I can be so forgetful at times.

I'm going to go back on a strict gluten free diet. That's it. I'm tired of feeling like crap eating it.

I am going to go back to doing barre workouts since my foot's killing me and I can't rely on high speed or even just walking as a form of cardio anymore.

Alsooooo, I found an online resource that will teach me how to be more persuasive and an effective communicator with people, which I think are extremely important life skills to learn when it comes to career advancement, or even just to make new friends. I do have to pay for it, of course, so I'll look into that next week when I get paid again.

Cute thread!

 

[Sorena]

Honestly, I want to have more intention regarding my creative pursuits. I feel like I'm letting other responsibilities get in the way of the things I love and then use the days off I do have away from them as an excuse to not pour my energy into those things. Right now I got my Photoshop program open to do daily drawing practices so that I can strengthen these skills more and more.

I used to have a daily planner and it helped me a lot, but of course, I'm not the consistent type.. and so it fell on the wayside.
I'm going to use it again starting tomorrow so that I can keep things in focus. I find that physically checking things off from a list that I can see helps me so much because I can be so forgetful at times.

I'm going to go back on a strict gluten free diet. That's it. I'm tired of feeling like crap eating it.

I am going to go back to doing barre workouts since my foot's killing me and I can't rely on high speed or even just walking as a form of cardio anymore.

Alsooooo, I found an online resource that will teach me how to be more persuasive and an effective communicator with people, which I think are extremely important life skills to learn when it comes to career advancement, or even just to make new friends. I do have to pay for it, of course, so I'll look into that next week when I get paid again.

Cute thread!

Great ... I keep my fingers crossed for you ... keep posting when you accomplished any of your plans .... I love to hear from you

 

[Asa]

Honestly, my mantra in life is to work on weaknesses as I notice them and strive for improvement. I don't have a specific target right now. Do more this, less that. Figure out why this is the way it is, move forward.

 

[SlowUpTake]

i am going to continue to try to keep my mouth shut while other people are talking and try not to look off into space when in a group....and no more staggering.

 

[Sorena]

I'd like to get that back to zero, but there are certain triggers that make this difficult.

it's stymied a lot of my more intentional positive goalsetting

I hope you do not get angry with me or regret sharing, but I could not stop thinking about your post ... I searched on Google and found some insightful and helpful websites ...

If you have time, look at the following articles ... I would appreciate it if you share when you found anything helpful or new to you that you have not tried before

10 alternative alcoholic drinks
How to Stop Drinking: Making a Plan That Works for You
11 ways to curb your drinking
How to Stop Drinking Alcohol: Home Remedies and Complementary Treatments

I keep my fingers crossed for you ...

 

[aeon]

I said this to both my GP and my Endo, and they both strongly agreed with me:

“An individual with a degree of dependence on alcohol would be well-served by being screened for anxiety disorders.”

My Endo asked me why I thought so, and I said:

“Alcohol functions as self-medication for those with anxiety disorders because of its downregulation of GABAminergic neurons, with the same mechanism of action as the benzodiazepenes.”

She told me that I was her favorite medical nerd and gave me an extra sticker. Because I may be this old, but stickers, amirite?

My Endo is really something. A nerd’s nerd, if you will.

Cheers,
Ian

 

[Wyote]

Any reasonably intelligent person is going to have some level of anxiety about this whole being alive in a meat suit business.
Which is probably why alcohol has remained such a prevalent social cultural staple throughout time.

 

[Sorena]

Any reasonably intelligent person is going to have some level of anxiety about this whole being alive in a meat suit business.
Which is probably why alcohol has remained such a prevalent social cultural staple throughout time.

However, using alcohol as a treatment for anxiety is like erasing the face of the problem instead of solving it ... based on what makes people anxious and how deep it is in their unconscious mind the treatment differs ... a good way to find what makes us anxious is to consult with a therapist

 

[Wyote]

a good way to find what makes us anxious is to consult with a therapist

Or just consult me, Dr. Coyote

 

[aeon]

That’s the advantage of early childhood trauma—when you experience some real horror show stuff, that recalibrates your natural anxiety meter such that everyday life is footloose and fancy free. Plus, all that adrenaline as a young pup fries the low-level neurons, so the usual worries don’t even register.

I’m not saying this is good, and I am saying it with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

Yet, there’s a truth in there, no doubt.

Cheers,
Ian

 

[John K]

Do you have any self-improvement plan?

When I was 17 and first started going out for a drink with my friends, I didn't like the taste of beer. So I went onto Guinness every Saturday evening for about 6 weeks, which is beer on steroids taste-wise, and at the end of that time I could tolerate it just fine - but ordinary beer tasted wonderful. That was quite a life-lesson for me, because I learnt that

• Persistence is important in overcoming difficulties.
• Things may present themselves to us in a particular way, but a change in viewpoint can make them seem very different - and that can lead to very different judgements from us.
• It can be hard and take time and some work to see things from a different perspective, but we throw more than half the world away if we don't suspend judgement and put in the effort.
• This isn't just about beer, but about all the great issues in life - politics, religion, choice of work, choice of partner, learning a complex skill etc.
• But it's equally good for the little things - I learnt to drop sugar from my tea and coffee this way about 10 years later, and again they tasted awful at first, but persistence paid off. They taste awful to me with sugar since then, and great without.

Have you ever tried to fight against your bad habits or your weaknesses?

Yes, but when I was an IT manager I learnt that the emphasis for personal development of myself and those in my team was to develop from our strengths and put most attention into those. That's how you develop highly performing teams. Weaknesses don't get neglected, but they should't become the main focus - in fact people who put too much effort into trying to eliminate their weaknesses tended to under-perform. I'm good at maths, but not very good at drawing, so I'd be wasting my time focusing on drawing at the expense of my maths.

But of course you are focusing on moral, health-related or happiness-destroying weaknesses in your question. We all have these at some point in our lives, and if others are like me, different ones in combination at different times in our lives. As well as the persistence I talked about above, I think moderation is really important - the middle way between hyper-indulgence and deep asceticism is the path to success for me. I'm not sure about the idea of punishing yourself for a failure - maybe that works for you, but it does feel a bit like a Harry Potter house elf beating themselves up for a sin against their owner. It's not a bad idea though - in moderation. But at the end of the day, persistence, a determination not to give up, a change in perspective brought about by taking on new contrary habits - these are the sort of things that work for me.

And Oh yes! - a sense of humour and a good laugh at myself if I keep slipping up and get too intense about something I'm struggling with.

 

[Sorena]

When I was 17 and first started going out for a drink with my friends, I didn't like the taste of beer. So I went onto Guinness every Saturday evening for about 6 weeks, which is beer on steroids taste-wise, and at the end of that time I could tolerate it just fine - but ordinary beer tasted wonderful. That was quite a life-lesson for me, because I learnt that

• Persistence is important in overcoming difficulties.
• Things may present themselves to us in a particular way, but a change in viewpoint can make them seem very different - and that can lead to very different judgements from us.
• It can be hard and take time and some work to see things from a different perspective, but we throw more than half the world away if we don't suspend judgement and put in the effort.
• This isn't just about beer, but about all the great issues in life - politics, religion, choice of work, choice of partner, learning a complex skill etc.
• But it's equally good for the little things - I learnt to drop sugar from my tea and coffee this way about 10 years later, and again they tasted awful at first, but persistence paid off. They taste awful to me with sugar since then, and great without.

Yes, but when I was an IT manager I learnt that the emphasis for personal development of myself and those in my team was to develop from our strengths and put most attention into those. That's how you develop highly performing teams. Weaknesses don't get neglected, but they should't become the main focus - in fact people who put too much effort into trying to eliminate their weaknesses tended to under-perform. I'm good at maths, but not very good at drawing, so I'd be wasting my time focusing on drawing at the expense of my maths.

But of course you are focusing on moral, health-related or happiness-destroying weaknesses in your question. We all have these at some point in our lives, and if others are like me, different ones in combination at different times in our lives. As well as the persistence I talked about above, I think moderation is really important - the middle way between hyper-indulgence and deep asceticism is the path to success for me. I'm not sure about the idea of punishing yourself for a failure - maybe that works for you, but it does feel a bit like a Harry Potter house elf beating themselves up for a sin against their owner. It's not a bad idea though - in moderation. But at the end of the day, persistence, a determination not to give up, a change in perspective brought about by taking on new contrary habits - these are the sort of things that work for me.

And Oh yes! - a sense of humour and a good laugh at myself if I keep slipping up and get too intense about something I'm struggling with.

Dear John, thank you very much for your comprehensive reply to the post

I totally agree about being moderate and focusing on strengths in the physical/material world ... For example, since I am a little bit careless, I am not very good at accounting and works like that and so I do not peruse it, even if I can earn good money from it ...

All I told in the post was about the spiritual/non-material world ... getting our soul purer and more shiny ... becoming better human being by working on our behavioral-ethical weaknesses/faults

 

[John K]

All I told in the post was about the spiritual/non-material world ... getting our soul purer and more shiny ... becoming better human being by working on our behavioral-ethical weaknesses/faults

Hi Thoureh

I started off intending to shape my thoughts directly around that, but the ethical dimension can add extra emotional complexity to the basic ideas, and it's easy then to veer towards either extremes of self-indulgence or self-censure when trying to work out how we tackle such weaknesses in practice. I think that how we tackle our weaknesses in terms of skills, etc, are a good starting point for how we deal with our moral problems, though there will possibly be more urgency and emotional baggage in tackling some of these.

I think it was @Wyote who talked about focusing on developing new habits that counter the ones we are trying to overcome, and this is very important for me. There are some good tips from traditional religious frameworks too because they have dealt with these problems for thousands of years. I'm a cradle-Catholic and the annual Lent self-denial period is a good way of practicing letting go of something routine and ordinary that's an everyday part of our lives, or adding something extra, and how to cope with any slip-ups and get back on track. For the more serious things, confession is a very powerful way of dealing with a habitual moral failing - it's quite amazing how sharing our habitual problems with another can strengthen our resolve to persevere, and how profound is the experience of being forgiven. Other religious frameworks have their own pathways.

Another thought - I've posted before in the forum how fascinating it is watching a baby learn to walk. We forget how hard this is, yet how children are not put off by repeated slips and bumps, but keep on going till they master it - usually with huge support from parents and others around them. This for me is one of the most powerful metaphors for overcoming our moral shortcomings.

 

[HeavyNeuralPayload]

I hope you do not get angry with me or regret sharing, but I could not stop thinking about your post ... I searched on Google and found some insightful and helpful websites ...

I don't really do anger (a kind of mild annoyance at most, but none of that here!) - so no worries there.
I've skimmed the websites you shared and will aim to do a deeper dive tomorrow - though at a glance most of this seems already known.
I did Sober October last year and that went swimmingly. I also went through the first several months of this year without much more than one or two drinks within a single weekend each month.
Being a foster parent for a child whose biological mother has much more severe struggles with alcohol has made it such that I'm more keenly aware of the decisions that I make around imbibing.
All told, my "gin and tonic, hold the gin" seems to be working fairly well for me and kind of scratches that itch.

 

[Nikolai80]

Well, i value experiencing innerpeace, joy and love a lot.
I think it brings the most quailty in life.
So im improving my influence on it in a positive way. To maintain it more or to bring it up in my life.
Thats one of the major things im busy with in selfimproving, because there are always harder challenges and i believe we are not superman but human so we all have a breakpoint when we lose the fight , but we can learn grow and evolve to benefit ourselves first of all and with that also the world around us.

 

[Sorena]

I don't really do anger

Good for you …

I did Sober October last year and that went swimmingly. I also went through the first several months of this year without much more than one or two drinks within a single weekend each month.

Great ... I keep my fingers crossed for you

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I have also started working on my quick/impulse reaction and trying to be more patient toward the stupid behaviors of some people who have been best described as ASSHOLES (sorry to use this word) in the following book:

Asshole No More; The Original Self-Help Guide for Recovering Assholes and Their Victims
by Xavier Crement

Have you read it?