What makes someone a good partner?

Patience & choosing me anew everyday.
 
Endersgone said:
I’ve seen “good” marriages last for a number of years… one instance of infidelity can bring them to ruin, all I’m saying is that I don’t want that be me. I’m not sure 100% loyalty over years (or decades) is always easy/possible… but it should be something a “good” partner maintains (through it all).
Click to expand...

No, I agree with you. Your post simply made ponder over the point. I wasn't contesting it or anything. What I meant was when someone asks what's a good partner to you, I don't even think about it loyalty because it is such an essential component to anyone who could potentially be a partner of mine. No loyalty, no relationship. Hell, not even friendship.

But you're right, unfortunately, not everyone has loyalty.
 
Ive got a huge list of expectations and demands! Having spent 9 years of my life in serial relationships and the last 3 single has given me plenty of time to stew on it.

Someone that is
- absoultely honest and allows me the same privilege
- gives me freedom and encourages growth
- supports me in my lifestyle and projects
- believes in me and my work
- honourable with unshakeable integrity
- holds me accountable for my actions and is critical of me
- very affectionate and playful
- good natured and easy to laugh, optimistic
- agreeable and tries to be on good terms with everyone. Gives everyone a chance, friendly, empathatic
- extremely open minded and open to experience- willing to consider all information
- doesnt whinge and complain needlessly. Is not petty and can see the big picture
- loves solving problems and being proactive
- gives me space and privacy
- doesnt hover around me and distract me when Im working
- generous in all aspects of life
- willing to change and grow
- not too noisy and loud. Knows how to be silent
- doesnt play emotional mind games, not manipulative
- confident in themselves and doesnt require constant affirmation
- doesnt need me, is independant
- not superficial or shallow. Does not care about physical appearance
- has good personal hygiene
- is healthy and makes a continual effort to be healthy
- lives as green as possible
- tries to save the world
- courageous
- willing to put out- values sex as much as I do- frequently
- knows that sex can be spiritual
- is happy to spend the whole day in bed sometimes
- loves debating, discussing and learning
- loves laughing
- doesnt piss around the toilet. Cleans it up prompty if accidents happen
- doesnt leave hair shavings and clippings in the sink
- takes out the garbage
- maintains the yard
- reminds me to pay the bills and of upcoming appointments that I will probably forget
- eats the food I give them happily and gratefully
- not picky about food- except for health and ethical reasons
- lets me sleep in
- loves music and art
- logical, rational and not overly emotional
- as content having room service at a 5 star hotel or soup at a homeless shelter
- will travel the entire world with me - from Mongolia to Egypt to Paris
- respectful to all beings and objects. polite and curteous
- likes driving more than me. Is willing to drive me around in inner city traffic when I freak out
- doesnt insist that I should watch/ partcipate in sports
- accepts that I have other interests different from them and doesnt monopolise my time
- willing to play cards, monopoly and nerdy strategy games with me
- doesnt insist that I go swimming
- doesnt make me go shopping

Someone that will be my ballast as well as my wings (- I just made that up-pretty profound, yeah?)
 
I think compatibility is very important. But I think to make something work and be completely committed to someone, you need to learn a sense of self-sacrifice. I've only seen in it in a few couples I know... they've learned how to sacrifice some of the things they need to make their love happy. I've seen my Uncle, one of the most loyal and dignified men I've ever known, stand by my Aunt after her mum & dad died. He took on ALL the responsibilities of the household as she coped... even the parenting of their 3 kids. He never complained about her depression. He just stood by her and allowed her to feel out her issues in due time. It's commitment, it's loyalty, it's sacrifice, it's dedication, it's just.... absolute... devotion to the person you love. They've been married 23+ years... I hope one day I can have a marriage like theirs.
 
Being able to give and receive support.

Thoughtfulness... like warming up the car in the winter, without being asked, or charging your cell phone.
 
Being dependable and loyal are big ones.
 
Someone who doesn't expect you to make all the sacrifices or all the compromises. Someone who cares enough to say, "no, let me do it," rather than expecting or allowing you always pick up the slack. Someone who doesn't put you second.
 
I agree with a lot of the traits already listed. A giant and healthy sense of humor is very important to me. My life is led by Murphy's Law, so you damn well better be able to laugh just about anything off if you're going to be with me.
 
bamf said:
I agree with a lot of the traits already listed. A giant and healthy sense of humor is very important to me. My life is led by Murphy's Law, so you damn well better be able to laugh just about anything off if you're going to be with me.
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agree, humor is very important.
 
my head is spinning from all the notes I've made. I do have a question:

how do i know if an infj means what he says (i.e. without any need for open/further intepretation), if assuming, there's all these background analysis and expectations going on, i'd be right to think then that there's a lot that's been felt/thought before he even says anything?

if so, how much weight does one put on words like "i miss you", "i like you", yet the actions are contrary to it? or does it mean i merely miss you at this moment as a friend and i like you as a friend and you're not a long range option to me. *ouch*

is it too much to expect the infj will be clear with his intentions once he is clear / will he ever be clear?
 
Ame said:
Someone who doesn't expect you to make all the sacrifices or all the compromises. Someone who cares enough to say, "no, let me do it," rather than expecting or allowing you always pick up the slack. Someone who doesn't put you second.
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THISSSS! And humor like bamf said.
 
Lots of things come to mind.

Loyal, supportive, understanding, compassionate, intelligent, stable, open, patient, honest, driven, polite, respectful, accepting, moral, deep, independent ect.

At least that’s what I try to be. But I guess it depends on the people.

But I think despite all those there would need to be a decent physical attraction and chemistry as well as compatibility. Even if both people are awesome, if they don’t share the same values and stuff it just won’t work in the long run.

Asarya said:
Ive got a huge list of expectations and demands! Having spent 9 years of my life in serial relationships and the last 3 single has given me plenty of time to stew on it.

Someone that is
- absoultely honest and allows me the same privilege
- gives me freedom and encourages growth
- supports me in my lifestyle and projects
- believes in me and my work
- honourable with unshakeable integrity
- holds me accountable for my actions and is critical of me
- very affectionate and playful
- good natured and easy to laugh, optimistic
- agreeable and tries to be on good terms with everyone. Gives everyone a chance, friendly, empathatic
- extremely open minded and open to experience- willing to consider all information
- doesnt whinge and complain needlessly. Is not petty and can see the big picture
- loves solving problems and being proactive
- gives me space and privacy
- doesnt hover around me and distract me when Im working
- generous in all aspects of life
- willing to change and grow
- not too noisy and loud. Knows how to be silent
- doesnt play emotional mind games, not manipulative
- confident in themselves and doesnt require constant affirmation
- doesnt need me, is independant
- not superficial or shallow. Does not care about physical appearance
- has good personal hygiene
- is healthy and makes a continual effort to be healthy
- lives as green as possible
- tries to save the world
- courageous
- willing to put out- values sex as much as I do- frequently
- knows that sex can be spiritual
- is happy to spend the whole day in bed sometimes
- loves debating, discussing and learning
- loves laughing
- doesnt piss around the toilet. Cleans it up prompty if accidents happen
- doesnt leave hair shavings and clippings in the sink
- takes out the garbage
- maintains the yard
- reminds me to pay the bills and of upcoming appointments that I will probably forget
- eats the food I give them happily and gratefully
- not picky about food- except for health and ethical reasons
- lets me sleep in
- loves music and art
- logical, rational and not overly emotional
- as content having room service at a 5 star hotel or soup at a homeless shelter
- will travel the entire world with me - from Mongolia to Egypt to Paris
- respectful to all beings and objects. polite and curteous
- likes driving more than me. Is willing to drive me around in inner city traffic when I freak out
- doesnt insist that I should watch/ partcipate in sports
- accepts that I have other interests different from them and doesnt monopolise my time
- willing to play cards, monopoly and nerdy strategy games with me
- doesnt insist that I go swimming
- doesnt make me go shopping

Someone that will be my ballast as well as my wings (- I just made that up-pretty profound, yeah?)
Click to expand...

:m055: Um... Are you single... You just defined my dream relationship…

Seriously, it’s uncanny. There isn’t a single thing on that list I wouldn’t be ecstatic to fulfill. If a woman handed me that list in real life I think I would propose on the spot…
 
Last edited:
Asarya said:
Ive got a huge list of expectations and demands! Having spent 9 years of my life in serial relationships and the last 3 single has given me plenty of time to stew on it.

Someone that is
- absoultely honest and allows me the same privilege
- gives me freedom and encourages growth
- supports me in my lifestyle and projects
- believes in me and my work
- honourable with unshakeable integrity
- holds me accountable for my actions and is critical of me
- very affectionate and playful
- good natured and easy to laugh, optimistic
- agreeable and tries to be on good terms with everyone. Gives everyone a chance, friendly, empathatic
- extremely open minded and open to experience- willing to consider all information
- doesnt whinge and complain needlessly. Is not petty and can see the big picture
- loves solving problems and being proactive
- gives me space and privacy
- doesnt hover around me and distract me when Im working
- generous in all aspects of life
- willing to change and grow
- not too noisy and loud. Knows how to be silent
- doesnt play emotional mind games, not manipulative
- confident in themselves and doesnt require constant affirmation
- doesnt need me, is independant
- not superficial or shallow. Does not care about physical appearance
- has good personal hygiene
- is healthy and makes a continual effort to be healthy
- lives as green as possible
- tries to save the world
- courageous
- willing to put out- values sex as much as I do- frequently
- knows that sex can be spiritual
- is happy to spend the whole day in bed sometimes
- loves debating, discussing and learning
- loves laughing
- doesnt piss around the toilet. Cleans it up prompty if accidents happen
- doesnt leave hair shavings and clippings in the sink
- takes out the garbage
- maintains the yard
- reminds me to pay the bills and of upcoming appointments that I will probably forget
- eats the food I give them happily and gratefully
- not picky about food- except for health and ethical reasons
- lets me sleep in
- loves music and art
- logical, rational and not overly emotional
- as content having room service at a 5 star hotel or soup at a homeless shelter
- will travel the entire world with me - from Mongolia to Egypt to Paris
- respectful to all beings and objects. polite and curteous
- likes driving more than me. Is willing to drive me around in inner city traffic when I freak out
- doesnt insist that I should watch/ partcipate in sports
- accepts that I have other interests different from them and doesnt monopolise my time
- willing to play cards, monopoly and nerdy strategy games with me
- doesnt insist that I go swimming
- doesnt make me go shopping

Someone that will be my ballast as well as my wings (- I just made that up-pretty profound, yeah?)
Click to expand...

Wow that's a long list. Good luck!!!

For me:

1. Delicious sammiches on baguettes, slightly toasted with freshly ground peppercorns, lightly melted swiss and tomatoes.
2. Who needs a woman when I can make sammiches such as these?
3. Wash the dishes.
 
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