I considered the question and thought "I'm not envious of anyone."
Don't think that's because I think I am better than others or because I am without sin.
It's just the simple fact that in order to be envious, you have to actually give a shit.
But then I considered that and thought "Ian, who are you kidding? You're envious of everyone in some way."
Yeah, OK. I admit it.
But then I looked up what envy actually means so I could be somewhat sure that I really understood the question.
And when I read that part of it is the desire for others to feel as unhappy as oneself, I realized that no, I don't experience envy at all.
Why?
Because I don't wish for others to be unhappy or to hurt in any way. I turn that desire inward so I can hurt myself.
It's known. It's safe. It means I am not bad because I don't intend to hurt others. I own my own pain and keep it inside.
It is my long-term companion, my friend, my lover who inevitably tricks me, shames me, hurts me - but even with that, I am loyal and stay.
We're wed for ever and ever.
Well, not really. One day I will die and this will all be over.
whatever,
Ian