What Was Your Rock Bottom?
- Thread starter NeverAmI
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jyrffw54
שכינה עוֹלֶה
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invisible
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my rock bottom was the 6 wks before my first hospital admission for depression as i just sat at home and cried during those weeks and also the day i was hospitalised because i never expected something like that to happen to me and it came as a shock that it was happening, and also the total loss of control.
thanks to everyone for sharing your very humbling stories.
thanks to everyone for sharing your very humbling stories.
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It's good to note though that you and your mom are happily reunited and working at the same business (her letting agency) together too.
//huggles her hun
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Jonathan
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Many of the stories shared have been deeply moving to me, especially because I can relate to some of the things that happened 
For those who have been able to move on from their darkest times, your stories of transformation are beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing them!
My life, comparative to some, is really not all that bad, and for years now I've realized that;
Like many members who posted above, I was bullied by my peers in elementary school (gr. 3-8). It stopped by the time I got to high school, but I still carry some self-confidence problems from that time in my life. I guess it was the worst between the ages of 6 and 8. Teachers would often undermine me purposefully, for what seemed to be their own personal entertainment, but also, it seemed, to get back at me for acting differently than my fellow students. Kids would do and say many things to me that I still have kept to myself out of embarassment; even from my mom, to whom I told pretty much everything. I hated myself so much, and was often so confused, that I began to have emotional outbursts that were uncharacteristic of my age, and they only added to the ridicule. Thank goodness that phase ended once I began to adjust to public school life.
I went through a 'numb' phase all through high school as a result; and was just carrying myself through life, not really going out of my way to achieve anything, but silently trying to escape from my past. I had some OK friends, not any true friends, but people who tolerated me. I'd say it was a better time, I kind of bounced back by the end of high school.
After high school ended, I found myself very confused. I didn't know much about post secondary education, and felt like I was the only one who didn't have a plan. I hadn't even had a real job yet like most of my peers; not that I wasn't a hard worker, (I did a lot of volunteer work for free, and temporary jobs that I was offered here and there), but because I was afraid of being rejected or not meeting people's expectations. I slowly was becoming more depressed as my friends were moving on and I was just stuck at home in a small town. I eventually got a job at a sign shop, but my boss was very impatient with me at first, which made me feel worthless, but I eventually earned his respect. The sign shop is actually part of his apartment, so his personal life kind of leached into his work life. He eventually began to feel he could trust me, and began to ask me for advice about what to do about a teacher who was antagonizing his son for no apparent reason. It was incredibly strange, because he was very business-minded and professional, so he really hesitated to open up like he did. I ended up being a real help, and that provided a very profund healing process for myself.
Nowadays, I'm still trying to get my life back together, recover from some residual pain and anxiety from the past, and it's been slow going, but I'm closer to God than I've ever been, which has made all the difference to me. I'm also rebuilding my hope for the future, which has taken a long time to do.
For those who have been able to move on from their darkest times, your stories of transformation are beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing them!My life, comparative to some, is really not all that bad, and for years now I've realized that;
Like many members who posted above, I was bullied by my peers in elementary school (gr. 3-8). It stopped by the time I got to high school, but I still carry some self-confidence problems from that time in my life. I guess it was the worst between the ages of 6 and 8. Teachers would often undermine me purposefully, for what seemed to be their own personal entertainment, but also, it seemed, to get back at me for acting differently than my fellow students. Kids would do and say many things to me that I still have kept to myself out of embarassment; even from my mom, to whom I told pretty much everything. I hated myself so much, and was often so confused, that I began to have emotional outbursts that were uncharacteristic of my age, and they only added to the ridicule. Thank goodness that phase ended once I began to adjust to public school life.
I went through a 'numb' phase all through high school as a result; and was just carrying myself through life, not really going out of my way to achieve anything, but silently trying to escape from my past. I had some OK friends, not any true friends, but people who tolerated me. I'd say it was a better time, I kind of bounced back by the end of high school.
After high school ended, I found myself very confused. I didn't know much about post secondary education, and felt like I was the only one who didn't have a plan. I hadn't even had a real job yet like most of my peers; not that I wasn't a hard worker, (I did a lot of volunteer work for free, and temporary jobs that I was offered here and there), but because I was afraid of being rejected or not meeting people's expectations. I slowly was becoming more depressed as my friends were moving on and I was just stuck at home in a small town. I eventually got a job at a sign shop, but my boss was very impatient with me at first, which made me feel worthless, but I eventually earned his respect. The sign shop is actually part of his apartment, so his personal life kind of leached into his work life. He eventually began to feel he could trust me, and began to ask me for advice about what to do about a teacher who was antagonizing his son for no apparent reason. It was incredibly strange, because he was very business-minded and professional, so he really hesitated to open up like he did. I ended up being a real help, and that provided a very profund healing process for myself.
Nowadays, I'm still trying to get my life back together, recover from some residual pain and anxiety from the past, and it's been slow going, but I'm closer to God than I've ever been, which has made all the difference to me. I'm also rebuilding my hope for the future, which has taken a long time to do.
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Mostly all my childhood from about 5th grade to my sophomore year in High School.
Bullying and abuse were rampant at that time, I was constantly being hit and made fun of. I was the subject of ridicule, the one the kids thought they could pick on. I gave off an incredibly innocent vibe, considering that I would never respond back and I was the youngest one in class since I skipped a grade and was born in December. I felt like no one understood, not even my parents or teachers.
I got suspended from false accusations just when I got the courage to finally say something, a whole girls reported sexual harassment..I had no idea what was going on, so I just submissively went with whatever they were going to do to me. I got home, my parents beat the hell out of me, they did not believe me. I did not mind, I let them do it. I was also sexually abused during that time. By the time Middle school came, I had a bunch of insecurities.
I would avoid people as much as possible, that still did not end the bullying. Attempted suicide multiple times, my parents were always out. They barely noticed my emotional pain or just perhaps did not care(I like to think not). My closest friends during this time were my teachers, I had excellent relations with them. By the time I got to High School, I was known as the awkward "loner". I often spend my time under a tree, I had become an outcast. Depression hit hard, I moved again. My grades terribly fell during Sophomore year. This forum is witness of this major emotional downfalls, without it I might not have survived. I had terribly low self-esteem, incredible self-pity.
I was afraid of people, afraid they would hurt me again. This forum showed me though that there are warm people out there, people who care. Slowly I decided it was time to snap out of it, I needed to learn to make connections, to break out of my shell. I needed to move on with my life. That's what I did, I was very afraid at first. Slowly it must became more natural, I found my niche among the kids in AP classes, they were much more accepting despite the massive homophobia and intolerance there is.
When my parents found out I was gay it brought much more pain as well, but now that I am starting to make friends, I am realizing the beauty behind it. I don't feel so alone anymore. Now things have totally changed, I am able to laugh and smile again. Show the side of my personality I truly enjoy, not be afraid to be myself anymore. Stress, Anxiety, Applications.. forget that! this has been the best ear of my life yet
Bullying and abuse were rampant at that time, I was constantly being hit and made fun of. I was the subject of ridicule, the one the kids thought they could pick on. I gave off an incredibly innocent vibe, considering that I would never respond back and I was the youngest one in class since I skipped a grade and was born in December. I felt like no one understood, not even my parents or teachers.
I got suspended from false accusations just when I got the courage to finally say something, a whole girls reported sexual harassment..I had no idea what was going on, so I just submissively went with whatever they were going to do to me. I got home, my parents beat the hell out of me, they did not believe me. I did not mind, I let them do it. I was also sexually abused during that time. By the time Middle school came, I had a bunch of insecurities.
I would avoid people as much as possible, that still did not end the bullying. Attempted suicide multiple times, my parents were always out. They barely noticed my emotional pain or just perhaps did not care(I like to think not). My closest friends during this time were my teachers, I had excellent relations with them. By the time I got to High School, I was known as the awkward "loner". I often spend my time under a tree, I had become an outcast. Depression hit hard, I moved again. My grades terribly fell during Sophomore year. This forum is witness of this major emotional downfalls, without it I might not have survived. I had terribly low self-esteem, incredible self-pity.
I was afraid of people, afraid they would hurt me again. This forum showed me though that there are warm people out there, people who care. Slowly I decided it was time to snap out of it, I needed to learn to make connections, to break out of my shell. I needed to move on with my life. That's what I did, I was very afraid at first. Slowly it must became more natural, I found my niche among the kids in AP classes, they were much more accepting despite the massive homophobia and intolerance there is.
When my parents found out I was gay it brought much more pain as well, but now that I am starting to make friends, I am realizing the beauty behind it. I don't feel so alone anymore. Now things have totally changed, I am able to laugh and smile again. Show the side of my personality I truly enjoy, not be afraid to be myself anymore. Stress, Anxiety, Applications.. forget that! this has been the best ear of my life yet
When I tore down my entire identity because I saw how distorted and unreliable it was on account of the absurd beliefs instilled in me by my parents and the institutions into which they had entrusted me (esp private school). I literally scrubbed my values, identity and belief into non-existence with the idea that I would rebuild myself anew according to certain holy axioms that the God of logic would hand me after I quested up Mt. Reasoning. I believe one of the terms for this is individuation. Also see Positive Disintegration.
It was just an awful state of affairs. Constantly asking: Who am I? What do I believe? What is existence? Why shouldn't I kill myself? What is really me and what is just indoctrination? Etc. etc. I mean, nihilism is romantic when you're reading Nietzsche. When you're actually living it and going through existential depression and getting consumed by reductionist bullshit to the point you see everything as pointless matter and chemicals, it's altogether different.
It was just an awful state of affairs. Constantly asking: Who am I? What do I believe? What is existence? Why shouldn't I kill myself? What is really me and what is just indoctrination? Etc. etc. I mean, nihilism is romantic when you're reading Nietzsche. When you're actually living it and going through existential depression and getting consumed by reductionist bullshit to the point you see everything as pointless matter and chemicals, it's altogether different.
dj-elsa
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my rock bottom was homelessness at 23 but then it was the catapult
that set me free! my ex chased me with a knife, he was a junkie DJ and god i loved him...my friends didn't want me couch surfing cuz i think they thought their men were pigs, though i'm a good person and would never hurt my friend's relationships, my presence was too much stress on their relationships. my parents kicked me out for calling CPS on my sis for hitting my niece n nephew, n they thought i was on drugs. i was going through hell leaving my junkie exboyfriend and going from working for scientists and being a DJ in seattle to move back to hell paso, the land of no opportunity and especially no room for people who left or are different....
i dont' even remember what happened to me for like 3 years. all other years, i can account for cuz was earning different degrees or spent time at same jobs. i truly can't remember what happened, except for tidbits of eating out of trash cans and sleeping in parks or in the bed of my parent's truck or in a shack they had outside...until i went to the navy. in the navy, i drank poison mixed with ipecac cuz they fractured my hip at boot camp so they woulnd't let me exercise and i became a raging bulimic
yet i wouldn't change it for the world...those dark moments made me mature faster than any of my friends, i built a comfy little wealth for myself to where i work only cuz there are a few luxuries i want but could actually quit and stil survive. i LOVE my parents. right now i'm a teacher and i understand how difficult it is to show "tough love" for kids, especially i wuld assume, your own child. only thing is my sister still hits her kids...other than that my life completely turned around and gets better daily cuz now i take control and face my fears of socializing
that set me free! my ex chased me with a knife, he was a junkie DJ and god i loved him...my friends didn't want me couch surfing cuz i think they thought their men were pigs, though i'm a good person and would never hurt my friend's relationships, my presence was too much stress on their relationships. my parents kicked me out for calling CPS on my sis for hitting my niece n nephew, n they thought i was on drugs. i was going through hell leaving my junkie exboyfriend and going from working for scientists and being a DJ in seattle to move back to hell paso, the land of no opportunity and especially no room for people who left or are different....
i dont' even remember what happened to me for like 3 years. all other years, i can account for cuz was earning different degrees or spent time at same jobs. i truly can't remember what happened, except for tidbits of eating out of trash cans and sleeping in parks or in the bed of my parent's truck or in a shack they had outside...until i went to the navy. in the navy, i drank poison mixed with ipecac cuz they fractured my hip at boot camp so they woulnd't let me exercise and i became a raging bulimic
yet i wouldn't change it for the world...those dark moments made me mature faster than any of my friends, i built a comfy little wealth for myself to where i work only cuz there are a few luxuries i want but could actually quit and stil survive. i LOVE my parents. right now i'm a teacher and i understand how difficult it is to show "tough love" for kids, especially i wuld assume, your own child. only thing is my sister still hits her kids...other than that my life completely turned around and gets better daily cuz now i take control and face my fears of socializing