What would you do if you weren't afraid?

laofmoonster said:
I'd go to St. John's College despite the recession.

I would end up as a hobo, but at least I'd be a highly educated hobo.

Here's the reading list for the college... *drools*:m169:
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I longed to go to St. John's College for my undergraduate work. Forty years later I still regret the decision to be prudent rather than following my heart.
 
tovlo said:
I'd follow my experience of self wherever it led without considering social consequence.

I am so deep in the practical web of everyone else's expectations and need for me to express this way and behave that way, that I have difficulty getting through all the layers of where that journey of self-expression might finally resolve. I almost laugh at the first things that come up as possibilities because I can see they are options ridiculously tempered with practicality and fear of judgment or consequences. Perhaps if I were to really allow myself to travel through all the layers it would look something like this:



Though I see the definition of mad as only a demonstration that behavior and experience displaying far enough outside social norms and expectations can leave others disoriented and willing to ostracize for the protection of their own definition of sanity.
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Interesting post. I have managed this letting go of everyone's expectations to follow my own experience of self, though I found it hard to sustain for long periods. The fear of judgment is so deeply ingrained in us and letting go of the anticipation of condemnation was a large component of my ability to disentangle myself from the web of convention that surrounds us. It required a strict living in the current moment and led to a great deal of self-discovery. Strangely, far from going mad, I believe it was one of my healthiest times, despite the fact I wasn't in treatment.

As for the stigma that attaches to madness or mental illness, I see it less as a matter of protecting one's own sanity than as an irrational fear of the "different." I say this in part because I see a similar stigma--though to a lesser degree--in relation to physical disability. The other example I would use is my son, who has a form of schizophrenia. Although it is clear he's not "normal," whatever that means, most people wouldn't guess his diagnosis. He's passive, has a great deal of anxiety and cognitive deficits; but he certainly isn't a danger to anyone's sanity. In fact, he struggles very hard to be of service to others. It isn't till someone discovers his diagnosis that there begins an avoidance, a difference in the way they see him. When we need accommodations for him when he travels (he gets lost easily and must be met at the gate, etc.), we never use the term schizophrenia, but always say he is "developmentally disabled."

On the other hand, I have an acquaintance whose mental illness makes him quite toxic to me, but I think that's as much a part of my own condition as it is his. If I were "normal," I don't think he'd be a threat to my sanity so much as just unpleasant to associate with.

Just some early-morning thoughts.
 
I would listen to my Higher Self more and stop giving him such grief. But the things he asks of me seem random and I like to be in control.
 
merrytrees said:
I say that myself, but now I've got this whole new thing where the more time I spend alone, the more I prefer it and I'm starting to worry about that.. but only because close friends bring it up to me in a worried manner and their concern makes me concerned. whew.
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I know what you mean. But i figured a balance would be nicer. You get the benefit of having social interaction and the solitude that we seem to love so much :D
 
I'd probably get up and go outside right now. Yeah, I think I should go do that.
 
DAMNIT, I almost went against my fear today. See I walked beside this very kind boy in my class (we are sort of good friends) and I had a picture in my mind and I almost pursued that picture. I wanted to hold his hand ^^ , so I reached for his hand but he moved as he opened a door haha ...

Moment gone.
[I'm not inlove or so but I felt needy to hold his hand ^^]
 
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They'll be plenty other chances. :)
 
Enjoy life
 
anica said:
Interesting post. I have managed this letting go of everyone's expectations to follow my own experience of self, though I found it hard to sustain for long periods. The fear of judgment is so deeply ingrained in us and letting go of the anticipation of condemnation was a large component of my ability to disentangle myself from the web of convention that surrounds us. It required a strict living in the current moment and led to a great deal of self-discovery. Strangely, far from going mad, I believe it was one of my healthiest times, despite the fact I wasn't in treatment.
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I'm very glad you've experienced that. I've had some tastes of that and understand how living purposefully and thoughtfully in the present moment can untangle a web of fears related to disappointed expectations, condemnations, and rejection. Thanks for that reminder.

anica said:
As for the stigma that attaches to madness or mental illness, I see it less as a matter of protecting one's own sanity than as an irrational fear of the "different."
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Very much agreed. This is what I had tried, somewhat stumblingly, to communicate.

I fear the judgment for being "different". I accept the dictate for normalcy because so far I have valued the sense of acceptance more than I have valued my fullest self-expression. I tend to express, but in segments. I find various people who will accept different pieces of me, and so can experience fully expressing, but in a fragmented fashion. I think the older I get the more rebellious I am getting about submitting to other's judgments of acceptability. Hopefully someday I'll be strong enough to say "this is me" in totality and not wither at the rejection of that presentation.
 
tovlo said:
I fear the judgment for being "different". I accept the dictate for normalcy because so far I have valued the sense of acceptance more than I have valued my fullest self-expression. I tend to express, but in segments. I find various people who will accept different pieces of me, and so can experience fully expressing, but in a fragmented fashion. I think the older I get the more rebellious I am getting about submitting to other's judgments of acceptability. Hopefully someday I'll be strong enough to say "this is me" in totality and not wither at the rejection of that presentation.
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I believe the most freeing thing that ever happened to me was to acquire a physical disability in my early 40s. I was so clearly, obviously different all pretense at normalcy disappeared and I was forced to learn to deal with rejection, pity, inaccurate assumptions. At first it terrified and withered me. Over the years, however, it's given me the tools for self-acceptance, including, but not limited to, my disability. From self-acceptance came full self-expression eventually. At the moment I'm putting that to the ultimate test--for me--in a relationship with a man, a situation in which I've always lost myself in the past.
 
anica said:
I believe the most freeing thing that ever happened to me was to acquire a physical disability in my early 40s. I was so clearly, obviously different all pretense at normalcy disappeared and I was forced to learn to deal with rejection, pity, inaccurate assumptions. At first it terrified and withered me. Over the years, however, it's given me the tools for self-acceptance, including, but not limited to, my disability. From self-acceptance came full self-expression eventually. At the moment I'm putting that to the ultimate test--for me--in a relationship with a man, a situation in which I've always lost myself in the past.
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To incur a physical ailment and use this to be able transform your inner self; a beautiful and empowering message!
 
Hmm, what I would do if I weren't is a really good question. Even what I wanted to do that I fear doing is a great question, nowadays...

If I had not feared initiating anything, taking the first step in anything new that I had not done before that involved another human being in any way, then I'm sure my entire life would have been different. I would have gotten to know more people, I would have had a lot more experience with everything, I would have taken choices I had the choice to take but didn't because I feared doing something in order to go according to them...

But as I'm the first one to mention it this this clearly, I guess fearing consequences and/or wanting perfection, thinking about how something can be done better the way than how you would do it and thinking about what others expect of you is more of a T thing.
 
Silently Honest said:
They'll be plenty other chances. :)
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Ahh I hope so, I'm not sure how he would react though. what do you reckon?

Furthermore could it give him mixed signals? and worst of all imagine our surroundings what theyd think... The thing was at that moment I didnt care about those around us, which is why I would have done it.
 
Pristinegirl said:
Ahh I hope so, I'm not sure how he would react though. what do you reckon?

Furthermore could it give him mixed signals? and worst of all imagine our surroundings what theyd think... The thing was at that moment I didnt care about those around us, which is why I would have done it.
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If you don't make a big deal of it then he shouldn't either.
 
Figure it out then, take it from me, and seriously trust me on this one, really, REALLY Believe me when I say, somethings shouldn't be thought about and just done.

Remember your original frame of mind? Find it again, and just go, that's how I handle fear, acknowledge it, and move forward despite it.
 
Silently Honest said:
Figure it out then, take it from me, and seriously trust me on this one, really, REALLY Believe me when I say, somethings shouldn't be thought about and just done.

Remember your original frame of mind? Find it again, and just go, that's how I handle fear, acknowledge it, and move forward despite it.
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ahh I believe you so much dear honesty ^^ See the first outlook I had was what made me do it in the first place. To just do without fear about the number of other variables around. I will try to reinstate it :)
Although for myself, what does it mean if you want to hold someones hand ? ^^
 
I don't know, but do it anyways.
 
Silently Honest said:
I don't know, but do it anyways.
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How do I know that you dont have a hidden motif? (couldnt help myself sorry haha). OH I WILL SOO DO IT TOMORROW IN SCHOOL (7 hours). You can expect an update on it either way :) I'm so curious because its not obvious what it means when I want to hold his hand.

hahah I am going to be extra pretty tomorrow ^^
 
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