Whats your relationship with your first love?

Jill Hives said:
My first "real love" relationship was a long distance situation, and it did not end well.

We were together for 2 years. I was 16-18 at the time. He lived in Rhode Island, and me in Washington. Everything seemed great until the very end when he was making plans to move here.

The semi condensed version: My best friend at the time knew we were having a hard time figuring out how to get him here so he could be with me and start his life on this coast. She had a spare room in her place for him to crash in while he was looking for work. She was my best friend (OH and, here is another kicker, she was MARRIED at the time) and I had absolutely no reason not to trust her and I wanted him here so badly. I was so happy and so excited that there was actually a way for him to come here to be with me. I thought she was amazing for offering her home so we could do it, and I told her this and showered her in thanks all the time once it was decided.

All that changed as soon as he arrived. They were over the top flirting and literally all over each other. She would sit in his lap right in front of me.

I was enraged when he broke up with me officially, over the phone. It's a good thing for his sake (and mine...getting arrested sucks I'm sure) he did because I might have actually throttled him and her for betraying me the way that they both did if he had done it in person. He had already cheated on me with her, then broke up with me. I remember a lot of screaming at him and throwing an alarm clock into a window wishing it was his head. The rest is kind of hazy.

The very same "friend" later contacted me after her father shot himself. She was understandably distraught about it, but it happened literally the week after all that shit went down and I no longer gave a shit. I told her to call someone else and hung up on her. Her and my ex basically labeled me a psycho bitch for that and she started telling people that I was glad her dad shot himself because I wouldn't give her the emotional support she wanted. I still honestly don't give a shit, other than thinking it sucks that someone killed themselves. She burnt that bridge so hard there was just no going back to me caring about anything that happened to her. I just wasn't capable. Looking back on it now, I feel sorry for her. She fucked herself out of the one friend she wanted to be there for her when her life hit some really shitty times, but that friendship was destroyed and she did it to herself. I feel no guilt for my response to that situation at all.

I have some trauma from that as you can imagine. Trust issues specifically. I'm jealous anyway as it is, it's my nature to be that way although I'm good at not acting on the jealousy. But I must say, that the idea of introducing my SO to any of my female friends makes me shudder and my lips curl a bit now thanks to her and him.

All that relationship really taught me is that the people you least expect it from can tell you anything they think you want to hear if it will help them further their own agendas, and then stab you in the back when it's most convenient for them to do so. Sometimes I don't think I could ever be surprised by anything anymore.
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I think now that you know people can be that way, you will learn to see them differently, and maybe sense when they are incomplete as people. What I mean is they aren't ready to be a friend just yet. Have a lot of growing to do. Unfortunately, some of it was on your dime. But you can't say you haven't learned from it, if there is a positive.
 
My first love was not very mature and still has some issues he needs to work on. While he never took the MBTI, I am fairly certain he is a INFP.
If I were to run into him on the street I'd be cordial but not "buddy buddy".

-Anna
 
I believe that the relationship I am in now, my other half is my first love. And I would love him to be my last. While he is one of the most confusing and contradicting people I have ever met sometimes, it seems I am the only person he can be his complete self around. He has a beautiful mind and heart but is scared of showing that to others around him. He's scared of being judged. So we are very similar in that department. We have been together a year, and he is my first physical and emotional relationship. He is also my best friend. :)
 
my first love was in 1972
scott kuipers. he was soooooo good looking! great kisser, good friend.
i haven't seen him since i was a teenager though. i imagine he's still handsome and probably married with grandkids like me by now lol
 
JGirl said:
my first love was in 1972
scott kuipers. he was soooooo good looking! great kisser, good friend.
i haven't seen him since i was a teenager though. i imagine he's still handsome and probably married with grandkids like me by now lol
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I have two people I consider to be a "first love."

The first I met online. Most of you who have known me here know the story - fall for guy online, move cross country, guy doesn't exist but is really a girl pretending to be a guy. Lied to me about having cancer. Stayed because I was afraid she was going to die. Emotionally manipulated, abused and cheated on endlessly. Finally broke free of it. I loved this person and felt a sense of duty and obligation to stay, to get her on her feet, to give everything of myself to give her the opportunity to turn her life around. I succeeded. She is successful now, has stopped the lying and manipulation, has grown healthy friendships, has re-bonded with her family and is doing well. Very stable. I loved her in a way that showed me how much sacrifice I was willing to make for something that I believed strongly in. I was never able to trust her but the care and support I gave was unconditional even though it took everything out of me and nearly destroyed me as a person. Months ago she had written me an email which detailed all of the things she was sorry for. She took responsibility for her actions and reached out to me. It takes guts to really lay out all of the horrible things you've done. She's never asked for my forgiveness. In fact, she never asked anything of me. She decided to keep her distance. I decided to acknowledge her email months after the fact. I am trying to keep my distance, but I am happy she is doing well. I wouldn't mind catching up once in a while but I know we'll never be close again.

Second love was an INTJ though I never realized that I loved him until the romantic relationship we had was over. It was him who inspired me to embrace myself fully. The first person who was REALLY there for me, who told me he wanted to see my soul. Who was endlessly curious about everything I had to say, who wanted to explore the depth of my mind and my heart, who to this day is the best listener I have ever encountered and who has always been there for me when I really needed it most... I lost my virginity to him, I got the previous "Love" out of my life and started my path to healing my emotional wounds. I learned to trust fully and whole heartedly again. I learned how to be physically intimate without fear. I learned how to open myself up and share my soul and all of my pain and everything I had ever gone through that left me feeling wrecked and he was solid and unwavering through all of it. He had his own things he was going through and it seems to me that we were there for each other during a period in our lives when we were both going through huge personal transformations. The spark died after some time, we each made hard decisions and now we have moved forward. He "broke it off" with me even though we were never actually together but we maintained a friendship. It's a situation where we are not as close any more but we are both there if we need it. We are on really great terms but now our use for each other has expired. I would love to spend time with him again but my romantic feelings are no longer there. I've moved forward and through him I've learned SO MUCH about myself and I will be thankful for that until the day I die.

So. Two "first loves" which have both given me different perspectives on myself and my life and relationships as a whole.
 
I've been in plenty of relationships, but I've never been in love.

I don't think I've ever loved anyone. Not even my parents. Not even pets. They're only loyal so that they get fed, lol.
 
with my first love?
ok, kinda hard to explain, but i'll just say 'not good'
 
I've let my first love go. I was young and dumb and it was an unhealthy relationship. It set up a lot of trust issues for me. I spent 8 years talking to him on and off, dealing with his shit and put downs. I realized that he was toxic to me and let him go. I loved him once, but he wasn't my greatest love. Not even close. I'm experiencing that now :)
 
The 1st time I think I "loved" a woman it was never returned. With good reason I suppose. We were sexually active, and she was dating my friend. Thus began a lifelong feeling of being good enough to get fucked, but not good enough to get the girl. Ah well? We still talk now and then, she married a Cop. Muahahaha... I don't think about her much but from the age of 19-25ish she had a huge impact on my mind and emotional state from that friendship/fling. Interestingly our fling was fairly brief and she had a large impact on me, whereas the girl I dated for 7 years I could probably care less about staying in touch with, I think of her even less... strange.
 
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