When are parents justified in hitting children?

[Satya]

I don't feel I was treated in a violent way. But even if I did for the sake of argument, your definition would not only say they were both violent acts, but that there was no distinction between them. That is why it is too broad. When the concept is only broadly defined, there will not be common ground among the people discussing the issue except among those who already competely agree.

There is justified violence and there is unjustified violence. The purpose of this thread was to determine whether spanking was justified and under what circumstances it was justified.

I find it interesting that you want a more narrow definition of "violence" than what a dictionary would provide. The fact of the matter is violence is applying physical force to invoke pain in another. Violence is quite broad.

 

[inigo]

There is justified violence and there is unjustified violence. The purpose of this thread was to determine whether spanking was justified and under what circumstances it was justified.

I find it interesting that you want a more narrow definition of "violence" than what a dictionary would provide. The fact of the matter is violence is applying physical force to invoke pain in another. Violence is quite broad.

Fair enough on the definition of violence according to Webster. But if you want to probe deeper and find out if there are cases where violence is justified or not, it's hard to do that without defining the type and severity for the situation. That's all my point was, but I don't want to hijack this thread with some sort of semantic hair splitting which is where this is going.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Do you honestly think that spanking is the only form of punishment that is effective in disciplining children?



You are here preaching how you remember getting spanked when you were 14, and you are telling me that children just "forget". Furthermore, I know for a fact based on evidence that non physical forms of discipline can be used more effectively than spanking. You forget what line of work I am in.

It is not the only form that is effective in disciplining children. But it is a very effective and acceptable form of disciplining.

I don't actually remember any "lesson" or "talking to" I was ever given by parents or teachers - they were pretty forgettable. However, I keenly remember how childishly I was acting when I was last spanked - and that memory keenly revives a sense of being ashamed for having thrown a tantrum and yelled at my mother. The shame is concerning my behaviour, not the punishment.

 

[beetpoet]

I would like to have a child of my own one day, and I will never hit them under any circumstances. If my child were to be anything like me, that would be extremely psychologically damaging, and I do not want my child to fear me, or to feel like they need to restrain themselves in ways they should not.

having grown up in a house with domestic violence and abuse i decided this when i had children too. sometimes i didn't know what to do instead of hitting but i had to learn skills. (because i think it's just as bad for kids to do nothing when they misbehave. it makes them feel insecure).

i don't think a child HAS to be spoiled and greedy if they are not spanked. i think kids do need to learn how their needs fit in with everyone else's. and that there are some things that are non-negotiable or not allowed.

i remember once a neighbor was astonished that my daughter "told on" herself to me about some mischief, before the neighbor told me. she said her son would never admit to doing things or would lie when confronted. i think that comes from fear of getting hit. i think my kids knew they'd get in trouble but still be treated with respect and have help to sort out the problem. of course my parenting was never perfect but i think it's like any other great endeavor it takes learning and adjusting based on the personalities of the parent and child involved.

 

[Satya]

It is not the only form that is effective in disciplining children. But it is a very effective and acceptable form of disciplining.

I was looking over the studies and there has been a consistent finding in studies over the last 3 decades that spanking children leads to increased child aggression and antisocial behavior. Is that what you meant by "effective"? Research it yourself...

http://scholar.google.com/scholar?c...effects of spanking&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=ws

I don't actually remember any "lesson" or "talking to" I was ever given by parents or teachers - they were pretty forgettable. However, I keenly remember how childishly I was acting when I was last spanked - and that memory keenly revives a sense of being ashamed for having thrown a tantrum and yelled at my mother. The shame is concerning my behaviour, not the punishment.

If that is the case, then you didn't need to be spanked at all. It was the shame of being made aware of your behavior that was memorable, not being spanked.

 

[PDeverit]

People used to think it was necessary to "spank" adult members of the community, military trainees, and prisoners. In some countries they still do. In our country, it is considered sexual battery if a person over the age of 18 is "spanked", but only if over the age of 18.

For one thing, because the buttocks are so close to the sex organs, anal region, and so multiply linked to sexual nerve centers, striking them can trigger powerful and involuntary sexual stimulus in some people. There are numerous physiological ways in which it can be intentionally or unintentionally sexually abusive, but I won't list them all here. One can read the testimony, documentation, and educational resources available from the website of Parents and Teachers Against Violence In Education at www.nospank.net.

Child bottom-slapping vs. DISCIPLINE:

Child bottom-slapping/battering (euphemistically labeled "spanking","swatting","switching","smacking", "paddling",or other cute-sounding names) for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.

There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak
http://nospank.net/pt2010.pdf

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson
http://nospank.net/sdsc2.pdf

NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor MD and Adah Maurer PhD
http://nospank.net/taylor.htm

Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:

American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
American Psychological Association,
Center For Effective Discipline,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child.

In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.