Why are so many INFPs delued that they are INFJs?

pics said:
Why are people reading absolute statements into comments that are merely opinion, personal preference, or experience? I said, "I believe, thought, or experienced this . . . " . . . and someone interprets this as "I believe my beliefs or statements are absolute." wtf????????????????? do people not know how to read anymore?
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We are doing this as a conspiracy against Fi users because we know how personally you will take it...
 
this thread is weird and i dont get the premise but im too lazy and disinterested to read it all and work it out

im biased about infps, my dad and my sister are infp and i like them and they are my friends. They can take care of themselves, but it pisses me of when people diminish them simply because they dont understand their complexity and strengths. I feel a bit protective over them. I dont know if everyone has the right kind of personality to have infp friends. People that dont recognise and appreciate the beauty of infps dont deserve to have them as their friends. I like the infps on this forum. anyone that says otherwise is entitled to their opinion but they can also get fucked, because i dont like it when people are impolite. Sorry for being impolite.

This is an infj forum and infjs are blessed and fortunate that people of other mbti types want to interact with us here. Thank fuck, otherwise this place would get pretty annoying and constipated i reckon. Its good and important to have other perspective. Im grateful for all the people here and the range of views and perception. We are all people here, and that is more important than whatever someone's type is. although type theory is interesting and can be useful in understanding ourselves and others, focusing on someone's type exclusively blinds you to the person, and you miss out on forming a real connection that transcends analysis.

I dont like these kinds of threads. There are plenty of people that have shat me, but to blame it on their type and judge people within that type is just racist.
But since i havent read this thread properly, it would be shortsighted and rude of me to judge its content and assertions. And discussion is always a good thing, the only way we can learn is when we share openly.
So sorry...not wanting to damp out the discussion, but i just felt i had to say something.

I dont think that everyone wants to be infj. I think a lot of people think infjs are annoying. I dont blame them really. i love being myself, but its not always easy... many people find me hard to be around. I drive people up the wall...Act like a stoned heretical confusing boring silly serious over archieving perfectionist judgemental arrogant martrying in a another world idiot. But i suppose that could describe almost any type in certain circumstances

No type is better or superior. everyones is beautiful, has dimensions and strengths, can be healthy or unhealthy. The way it all works together is what counts. The gestalt is greater and more complex than its parts, and the parts are all integral to each other part and the whole

Just because we dont understand someone doesnt mean that there is anything wrong with us or them. Sometimes it means that we are simply not trying hard enough to understand. Sometimes we dont have to understand. But i dont think theres ever any real excuse to be rude, mean, or impolite. Courtesy and manners are free. Judging someone is about you, not them.

People are beautiful. Everyone has their flaws. Its what makes it interesting and even more perfect.
 
TheDaringHatTrick said:
External circumstances? Er, I would disagree here. The INFJ internalized dilemma is 'I don't know enough to attempt this yet' and the INFJ will be side-tracked in a lot of busy work related to the task, but none of it really effective. This is especially prominent in an INFJ engaged in the infamous Ni-Ti loop.

And the INFJ will beat themselves up forever for it if they realized they had engaged in self-sabotaging behaviour. Failure, like we've established above, is not an easy pill for any Inuitive Judger to swallow. The INFJ's penchant for having trouble letting go doesn't just stop at relationships, after all. If the project or task was seen as essential, and it wasn't completed because of an INFJs own incompetence, it won't be so easily abandoned as you suggested. It will come with a lot of pain that will leak into everything. The problem for INFJs isn't 'it's impossible,' it becomes ' I didn't try, because I should have tried given the information I had at the time.'
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Deciding whether or not to put my heart into something is definitely a dilemma I do face. Once I decide to do something, I am typically very determined and very focused. There are times in reaching my goal that I will be mentally exhausted or feel discouraged, where I might not be exactly "on schedule," but I won't let myself get to a point where I'm in danger of failing. However, sometimes when I'm already "behind schedule" and something unexpected happens, that's when I might end up failing. The circumstance might not be entirely external, but there will be something else that I become fixated on, obsess over, or become depressed about. For example, my goal during my second semester of college was to get all A's. That semester made up the last few months of my relationship with the INFP I had spoken of. Our relationship was starting to go downhill. Academically, the semester was off to a usual good start, my average was an A in every class. It was about mid-semester that he just especially didn't seem as "into it." I remember having an overwhelming feeling that there was something going on between him and one girl in particular. It was so obvious to me, though there was no "proof" and it bothered me greatly. I did everything I could to find some kind of peace with the situation. I eventually confronted him about it directly once, pointed out some of his behaviors that made me believe he might have feelings for her, and he said there was nothing going on, that it wasn't like that at all. But my gut just couldn't believe what my boyfriend said, but I tried. I found it increasingly difficult to focus on my school work because of the emotional stress the relationship caused me. I was also very concerned he might not pass his classes. He was intelligent, but impractical and a horrible procrastinator. I helped him with several last minute projects, becoming more and more irritated each time I was asked. I couldn't believe how irresponsible he was and it probably made me more stressed out than him. Though I willingly helped him, I often felt used because I knew he wouldn't do the same for me. He did much more serious and hurtful things that eventually forced me to leave him. He never thought about how his actions might hurt other people, how they might make the person he "loves" feel like dirt. Maybe it sounds pathetic that a relationship of only a year and a half would have so much control over my life, but I took it seriously. We were very much a part of each others lives and we (used to) do everything together. I was committed and gave it everything I could and he didn't. So, this combination of external and internal distractions wasn't conducive to studying obviously and I didn't get straight A's. I instead got all A's and one B... For a long time I was very disappointed in myself and saw only what I didn't accomplish. I always just told myself I didn't try hard enough. I eventually got over it and realized even though I didn't reach my goal, I still did really well, especially considering what a difficult time that was in my life (several other serious things not related to the relationship weighed on my mind at this time too.) The end result wasn't my best work overall, but it was my best given the situation, I tried as hard as I could at the time. I learned to stop seeing what "wasn't my best work" as "not trying hard enough." I worked alone, hard and honestly. And I learned to find pride in what I did manage to accomplish. My ex cheated his way through some classes and even in using me, his average for the semester was less than a 2.5 and he had to repeat a class because he did not give it his best. And his dishonestly ran deep, as it turns out he did have feelings for that other girl all along.

Unfortunately, during other semesters I ended up falling short of my goal again. Being so close with all A's and one B. There would come a point in the semester where I would say "Well, it's not really realistic to still try to get an A," but there would be a little disappointment in myself at the end of each term still. There were serious situations (severe illness/complications from medication and a death in the family) that interfered with my ability to function normally, but at times I felt that didn't excuse my "failure." Looking back now I accept that I didn't put forth the effort I would have liked to because I really couldn't.

TheDaringHatTrick said:
Apathy. Depression. Feelings of worthless. Yes, I would agree. Doesn't mean they 'abandon the project and move on,' though. An INTJ might, but an INFJ wouldn't pass up the opportunity to crucify itself for not being the right person for the job first.
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I was saying just that they abandon the project. They might not really move on mentally, but they're no longer actively engaged in the project. It doesn't come naturally, but I've learned to recognize when to cut my losses. Eventually I did make straight A's. It was the perfect storm of problems that were less invasive to studying, determination, putting everything else in my life on the back-burner, and I think just luck. It was absolutely awful (especially being on a 6 point scale). I was completely miserable the whole time. Sure, I got what I wanted, and I felt accomplished, but it didn't make me happy. What I sacrificed wasn't worth what I got in return. So the next semester I didn't put the same pressure on myself. I hoped to get all A's again, but soon realized after the first test in my law class (and how much everyone struggled in the class) that getting an A would require an unrealistic amount of time and effort. Once I realized this I said "Ok, well I'm not going down that same dark road again. I can live with a B." I very quickly abandoned my initial goal and it made life much easier. I was content with my grades at the end of the term. It took me a long time to be able to do this and I had to really change my way of thinking, but I did still.

I have always been very hard on myself, the default nature of an INFJ is usually to attack the self, but this can be changed. I might be very upset about something initially, but I've learned to just tune out my Fe for a while and let my Ti take over so I can process my mistakes more rationally and effectively. I allow my feelings to come back into the matter at a later time when they can be used positively. If I hadn't learned how to do this, I would never achieve a sense of closure. I don't know many INFJ's in person, but I don't see this as being an uncommon way to address problems. I see my approach to achieving goals and accepting failure now as very different from what you describe, though a lot of what you have said was somewhat true of me in the past.
 
DonTaushMe said:
When I read what your friend had said I thought to myself, "well I've never said that but I'm sure he'll grow out of it if he's an INFP" and then Daring said that that is more of an INFJs way of thinking and I agree. That kid I loath who I will always refer to on this forum as he is the most unhealthy INFJ I've ever met in real life said shit like that. He was telling me about how he wanted to write the Jim Henson company a letter expressing how happy he was that the muppets were a show and that he had just seen a commercial or something of the same and it drove him to tears and he needed to express how grateful he was. I was happy to hear this and urged him to write them a letter expressing himself. He of course back peddled and explained himself out of writing the letter saying that they must get so many letters, his wouldn't make a difference. The more I questioned the more he explained the less I respected him. It came down to the point that if he wouldn't get recognition for writing them a letter that he wont write them a letter. His way of thinking was very selfish and very disgusting to me. Reasons why I loath this kid.

Now when I was friends with this kid he was very... he had a lot of ideas and no will power to see them to light. So I would urge him to do stuff by taking on his ideas and we would talk on how to make one idea better and all of a sudden it's my idea and he sees me not following through with this idea and he thinks I lack drive. The thing I see is that it was never my idea, I'm trying to persuade this ass-hat to work and he's running out my patience. So if you see that an INFP, which I'm not sure your friend is, not taking action in something they seem to talk a lot about it's usually because those were not our ideas to begin with. We were sympathizing with someone, we were empathizing, we were putting ourselves in their shoes and giving them ideas to help them go along -we are mirrors of most people because we have that ability. I use to not be able to voice out, "hey kid, this isn't my idea, this is not my passion, I am being passionate about it to try to get you to do something" and so it looked like I was being passionate without action when that's not the case, I was just not able to articulate what I was doing and why.

INFJs are very demanding of INFPs and the relationship becomes very unsafe for the INFP very quickly and the INFP is more than ready to run for the hills by the end of it. No clue what happens to the INFJ after the fact, apparently they're hurt is what I hear, while the INFP runs through meadows chasing butter flies yelling, "I'm free I'm free!" and you can literally see this depressive weight lifting off their shoulders. I was never more battered to the ground than I was being friends with an INFJ. And a lot of INFJs on this forum have experienced this same kind of thing which is why there is a lot of INFP angst going on in this thread [MENTION=11100]flower[/MENTION] -It's not us; we're not the problem. Misunderstanding is the problem.
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He is an INFP, but the worst kind you can imagine. At the time we were last speaking he was very selfish, self-absorbed, lazy, disrespectful, ungrateful, and his moral code was very broken. All he could think of and focus on were his own feelings, himself.

I've never had that kind of interaction of misunderstanding like with the ass-hat you described. Maybe because I can't stand people who sit around all day and bitch about things but do nothing to change them, so I don't wait around for someone to bring my plans to light. Anyway, what you said about why INFP's might talk a lot about an idea but not take action is interesting. I don't think wanting to get good grades is all that uncommon of an idea, so I'm not sure that's the case here... and now that I think about it, literally every INFP that I've gotten to know has had this goal at one point. And only one has actually started to follow through, which I am very proud of him for.

I always thought that INFJ's and INFP's would get along. My younger brother is an INFP and we get along very well. I am always very mindful not to inflict the type of judgement and expectations I place on myself on anybody else. Some things I have really learned to accept, and many I may never accept. There were two INFP's that I was very close with at different points. We got along great for a few years, but I eventually had to end both of the relationships. Unfortunately both of these people also suffered from various mental illnesses and one day they both just said or did something to me that wasn't right to say regardless of whatever issues they had.
 
@TheDaringHatTrick

The "I don't know enough to attempt this yet" is spot on. Then realising in hindsight I knew enough to get going but did justifiably-related busywork instead of putting what I did have together and trusting that the required information will come when it is needed.

But what if it doesn't?

My degree is a testament to this attitude. There were no negative external consequences but it is still a permanent reminder of a difficult period of my life that was made more difficult by my reluctance to let go. And my dissertation is cringeworthy.
 
[video=youtube;Iqx8ji7VgrQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iqx8ji7VgrQ[/video]

This is where INFPs get a bad reputation from l0l
 
" 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up? stand up...."
 
Switchgirl said:
[video=youtube;Iqx8ji7VgrQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iqx8ji7VgrQ[/video]

This is where INFPs get a bad reputation from l0l
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All I could see was Simon Cowell not giving a fuck... >.>
 
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