Why do girls that have turned you down, expect you to sympathise?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Shai Gar
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Boyfriend broke up with her, her advisor told her that she's more or less failed her masters and her brother is now on hard drugs.

I don't particularly care. I could have been there for her, she chose for me not to be, why should I be now?

I won't make her suffer, but being on block for another year won't hurt me.
 
Shai Gar said:
Boyfriend broke up with her, her advisor told her that she's more or less failed her masters and her brother is now on hard drugs.

I don't particularly care. I could have been there for her, she chose for me not to be, why should I be now?
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Maybe you should reconsider then. That's extreme.
 
Creon said:
Maybe you should reconsider then. That's extreme.
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Extreme? Yes perhaps, depending on perspective. But that still doesn't mean Shai should reconsider. Everyone else in the world doesn't exist to be an emotional tampon. If she wanted Shai to help her through things, she could've said yes to a relationship. She didn't, so now he won't be there. Seems as cut and dry as can be. If she really has no one else, that may be sad, but it's also not his fault.
 
Maybe because you're the only person she can talk to about her current situation ?
Maybe because she thought she had built up some rapport with you from your conversations ?
Maybe because she thought you could be a good listener ?

For a rejection and girl you seemingly could care less about, you sound pretty bitter.
 
HaHa said:
Extreme? Yes perhaps, depending on perspective. But that still doesn't mean Shai should reconsider. Everyone else in the world doesn't exist to be an emotional tampon. If she wanted Shai to help her through things, she could've said yes to a relationship. She didn't, so now he won't be there. Seems as cut and dry as can be. If she really has no one else, that may be sad, but it's also not his fault.
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Yeah, you got a point, but the girl is still a mere human. Under those circumstances, even jesus would break. Having said that, I would feel guilty if I didn't help her regardless of what happened previously.

If it wasn't so extreme, then I would ignore her. But hey, forgiving and forgetting is one of the greatest challenges, right after asking for forgiveness.

Shai Gar said:
What do I have to gain?

How much am I being paid?
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A big boost in your Good Alignment bar.
 
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No, it's not his fault. He has no obligation to be there for her, and it's his decision as to whether or not he wants to be there for her.

She may not have thought of it as an all-for-nothing deal at the beginning, especially since Shai asked her and she probably wasn't prepared for a complete severance. But that's how relationships between people work. She should be aware of that, in any case.

Just remember that she's a human being, and pain is pain, regardless of the past.
 
No. Once a trust is broken, or an insult is offered, the apology needs to be given with interest. That interest is compound and needs to be offered from what they value most.
 
No, it's not his fault. He has no obligation to be there for her, and it's his decision as to whether or not he wants to be there for her.

She may not have thought of it as an all-for-nothing deal at the beginning, especially since Shai asked her and she probably wasn't prepared for a complete severance. But that's how relationships between people work. She should be aware of that, in any case.

Just remember that she's a human being, and pain is pain, regardless of the past.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
No, it's not his fault. He has no obligation to be there for her, and it's his decision as to whether or not he wants to be there for her.

She may not have thought of it as an all-for-nothing deal at the beginning, especially since Shai asked her and she probably wasn't prepared for a complete severance. But that's how relationships between people work. She should be aware of that, in any case.

Just remember that she's a human being, and pain is pain, regardless of the past.
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Yes, pain is pain, but I'm half a continent away, rarely talk to her, and have better things to do than listening to whining from someone i'm not emotionally invested in.
 
Meh, she'll find someone else to cry to if she really is upset about it.
 
Shai Gar said:
Some INFJ girl who turned me down in Brisbane is attempting to get me to sympathise with her, now that "her whole life" has just gone to shit.
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I'm watching this happen to my roommate right now. I feel really sorry for him. Especially because he still really likes her. I think he's going to get his heart stomped on again.

How'd this end up for you Shai?
 
I commonly don't take Shai's stance and I end up getting taken advantage of due to that. In terms of both parties in this, neither is evil, it is just human nature. You give an inch, they take a mile. It has to do with maximizing the resources available. Yes, I consider social bonds as a resource. The idea is when you cannot support yourself, someone else will come in to help, and vica versa. At least, that is what I consider a friend and if they have proven that is not their ambition then I have no reason to be friends. There are people that I have entertaining passtimes with, but if they aren't there for me when shit hits the fan then they aren't a friend, merely an acquaintance with similar interests. Anyone that has an actual friendship with me knows that I am there if they call on me. Although in general I still isolate myself all the time unless you physically come and pull me out of my room, and even then I resist.

Some people don't understand the implicit 'best practices' of social structures as well as others.

Sometimes when you are down and out you will look for anyone to talk to, especially if the usual suspects are no where around. I have been there plenty, it is a tough spot and I would like to say I have learned from it but I seem to keep making the same mistakes over and over. (isolation)

However, there is no blame on Shai's end. You don't have to latch on to every single person that comes your way or might have been a potential romantic interest. She expressed she was not interested, both of them moved on. She never made any attempt to further any social bonds or show she cared for Shai at all, and now Shai laughs when she expects the exact opposite from him.

I personally think she was hoping there was still a hook in his mouth. But then again, I don't know her and I only have 1 side of the story.
 
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I don't understand this thread. She thought you were her FRIEND, and she came to you looking for support. I don't understand why a previous lack of interest on her part (especially if she lives far away) has anything to do with that.
 
When we met I made it that I was interested in dating her, once she was clear that she was more interested in a sexual/romantic relationship with someone other than I, our meetings cut down to only at church social occasions.

There was friendship as well when we were getting to know each other, but she was well aware of my interest in her and seemed to return some of it for a while.

We formally broke off relations when she accused me of calling her a slut. Even though I was disappointed with her decisions, I would not call her that because that indicates I would have been interested in hanging out with sluts. Also, I was going through a stage of civility and eloquent speech.





We knew each other in the same city.
 
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Ahh shoot, didn't realize this was such an old thread, so I read through it all :( Shai seems to be following a very NT thought pattern which I understand (all too well). Seems Shai is sensitive though, and INFJ girl hurt his feelings. That, and Shai's Te seems to have prevented him from helping her. If Shai's Fi or Fe were more active, he might be singing a different song, but for now it seems he's "at a different place".
 
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