Would you date a single parent?

Jet said:
I know this is a zombie thread but I had to bump it.

OMG this is kind of hilarious. Dating a single parent doesn't mean you are dating their kids, or that you are a substitute parent (I mean marrying is a different story, but dating is just dating).

Most people don't realize I have kids until knowing me for a while because being a mom is only a part of who I am. I certainly hope one day to find someone who will have no problem with the fact that I have kids and a crazy ex because I am kinda amazing and I, like most single mothers I know personally, have a full handle on my shit.

I don't think most people fully understand the reality of dating a single parent. lol
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@Jet I giggled a bit when this thread was created, but I thought the same thing in my early 20s not realizing what would happen to my social circle in my late 20s and early 30s. This forum is full of young posters, and as much as I hate to say this, most of them will eventually end up dating a single parent or even be one at some point lol

You will have no problem finding someone who doesn't mind your situation because most people our age in the dating scene with more life experience understand that. Just don't date young men - stick with experienced men and you won't run into any issues.

I can't imagine not talking about Abby to anyone I was dating though. They'd know pretty soon lol I talk about her a lot. Being a mom was a planned decision and a huge part of my daily life and I'm unashamed of it, and her. I'd want to know early on how they felt about kids anyway because that's important to me. Someone who made me feel weird about my life choices wouldn't make the cut (and we probably wouldn't have much in common). They can kick rocks!
 
CindyLou said:
I can't imagine not talking about Abby to anyone I was dating though.
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For me the thing is that I am not looking to get serious anytime soon. I am dating for me and while it is known that I have kids and he has a kid that is not what drives our time together, we more so just talk about ourselves or random topics of mutual interest like physics and um....do adult activities together lol.

If it were ever to get to a point where we wanted to like, date date....then yeah there would be gradual introductions to friends and kids as just another friend. I just don't ever real foresee someone sticking around me that long lol. I'm kind of an undesirable (and not because I'm a single mom, but because I'm kinda crazy)!
 
Of course. Without hesitation.
Yes, there are places of drama, discomforts, adjustments to work out..exes, family. Assuring that things are for keeps would be the most important thing to consider, as it is hugely important to maintain that security for the children. (No shoplifting the pootie. Lol! )The children need that stability. Deserve it. Especially after an initial seperation between their parents. All would need to be handled with constancy and maturity. It would not be without its challenges to be sure. But when you find that One, and when you're sure, it'd be a tragedy not to give of yourself all you can.
Love is what matters ultimately. And a loving secure environment would allow everyone to thrive. I would devote myself to them just as much as to him. The children being precious and part of him, I'd love them just as much, if not even more.

I guess i'm not talking about dating lol, because dating is meh to me, but a devoted father who thinks as i do about these things might also be playing for keeps.

As one who was raised by a single father, the kind of devotion a good father has, and the love he is capable of is one of the most beautiful things i can imagine.
 
i dont mind dating a single dad. except if he isn't a responsible one then that would be a problem. i'd rather date an unselfish dad than a selfish single guy.
 
Jet said:
I'm kind of an undesirable (and not because I'm a single mom, but because I'm kinda crazy)!
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Pleiades said:
Um no. You're kind of amazing and rad. ♡
*muah*
If you were a dude and not an ENTJ, I'd date you lol! I love your kids ♡♡
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I have to agree with Pleiadsy here. If I weren't already taken, I'd date you so hard. And marry the shit outta you. The fact that I would get to eat your cookies and drive your beautiful ass kids around in a minivan is just a sweet sweet bonus.
❤
 
I've revised my position based on my experience. I don't want to date a single parent again or at least for a while, and the child had nothing to do with it. Rather the parent was the problem. It really is the person you're dating, not just that they're a parent that matters. How they handle their responsibilities, and juggle the various elements in their life. I never asked this person to prioritize me vs. their child, yet still, very little time was ever made for me. They had so many others things going on besides their responsibilities, that I wasn't on that list of important things. I had to make most of the accommodations in terms of time. So, how busy your lives are, how you prioritize people and responsibilities is a huge part of this. I would never ask a parent to put their child before me in any way. But I don't want to be last or afterthought in someone's life. This person made time for almost everything else but me. They expected me to make all the compromises, which counters the whole concept of a compromise.

So, I am reluctant to date another single parent for fear they'll use it as an excuse to justify inconsiderate behavior. Some people are going to hate me for saying this, but it's very common today it seems to use "busy lives" to justify not having to put effort into a relationship. Yes, of course, people do have busy lives, and responsibilities and can't pretend they don't. However, when you're simply another thing to juggle in this person's life including work, mothers, family, side obligations, etc., you can easily pushed aside. Many of these people have too many pots on the fire, and struggle with knowing how much time to give to each. Sometimes, people of course will use anything they can to give bare minimum effort. They want to be able to do all these things, but then expect the person to be waiting patiently for them, until they achieve all these dreams or goals. There's no consideration for how this behavior affects anyone. Although I know this person cared (or appeared to), they obviously didn't care enough. And this makes me hugely uncomfortable with trying to make it work with another single parent. All I can think of is how many excuses is this person going to use to make the least amount of effort to include me in their lives? Honestly, I'd rather be single than go through this crap again.
 
Gale said:
I've revised my position based on my experience. I don't want to date a single parent again or at least for a while, and the child had nothing to do with it. Rather the parent was the problem. It really is the person you're dating, not just that they're a parent that matters. How they handle their responsibilities, and juggle the various elements in their life. I never asked this person to prioritize me vs. their child, yet still, very little time was ever made for me. They had so many others things going on besides their responsibilities, that I wasn't on that list of important things. I had to make most of the accommodations in terms of time. So, how busy your lives are, how you prioritize people and responsibilities is a huge part of this. I would never ask a parent to put their child before me in any way. But I don't want to be last or afterthought in someone's life. This person made time for almost everything else but me. They expected me to make all the compromises, which counters the whole concept of a compromise.

So, I am reluctant to date another single parent for fear they'll use it as an excuse to justify inconsiderate behavior. Some people are going to hate me for saying this, but it's very common today it seems to use "busy lives" to justify not having to put effort into a relationship. Yes, of course, people do have busy lives, and responsibilities and can't pretend they don't. However, when you're simply another thing to juggle in this person's life including work, mothers, family, side obligations, etc., you can easily pushed aside. Many of these people have too many pots on the fire, and struggle with knowing how much time to give to each. Sometimes, people of course will use anything they can to give bare minimum effort. They want to be able to do all these things, but then expect the person to be waiting patiently for them, until they achieve all these dreams or goals. There's no consideration for how this behavior affects anyone. Although I know this person cared (or appeared to), they obviously didn't care enough. And this makes me hugely uncomfortable with trying to make it work with another single parent. All I can think of is how many excuses is this person going to use to make the least amount of effort to include me in their lives? Honestly, I'd rather be single than go through this crap again.
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:tacklehug: this is totally understandable
 
No. I'd be wanting to travel overseas on holidays quite a bit, and be able to go for a drive down to the coast at the drop of a hat.

Perhaps a more settled down guy could make a good date for a single mom... but I would find the situation too limited; with too many doors closed at the beginning to find any initial appeal.

I wouldn't consider dating someone with a dog, or inflexible employment for the same reason.
 
Gale said:
I've revised my position based on my experience. I don't want to date a single parent again or at least for a while, and the child had nothing to do with it. Rather the parent was the problem. It really is the person you're dating, not just that they're a parent that matters. How they handle their responsibilities, and juggle the various elements in their life. I never asked this person to prioritize me vs. their child, yet still, very little time was ever made for me. They had so many others things going on besides their responsibilities, that I wasn't on that list of important things. I had to make most of the accommodations in terms of time. So, how busy your lives are, how you prioritize people and responsibilities is a huge part of this. I would never ask a parent to put their child before me in any way. But I don't want to be last or afterthought in someone's life. This person made time for almost everything else but me. They expected me to make all the compromises, which counters the whole concept of a compromise.

So, I am reluctant to date another single parent for fear they'll use it as an excuse to justify inconsiderate behavior. Some people are going to hate me for saying this, but it's very common today it seems to use "busy lives" to justify not having to put effort into a relationship. Yes, of course, people do have busy lives, and responsibilities and can't pretend they don't. However, when you're simply another thing to juggle in this person's life including work, mothers, family, side obligations, etc., you can easily pushed aside. Many of these people have too many pots on the fire, and struggle with knowing how much time to give to each. Sometimes, people of course will use anything they can to give bare minimum effort. They want to be able to do all these things, but then expect the person to be waiting patiently for them, until they achieve all these dreams or goals. There's no consideration for how this behavior affects anyone. Although I know this person cared (or appeared to), they obviously didn't care enough. And this makes me hugely uncomfortable with trying to make it work with another single parent. All I can think of is how many excuses is this person going to use to make the least amount of effort to include me in their lives? Honestly, I'd rather be single than go through this crap again.
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Well said! I think the biggest concern here is that the person wasn't integrating you into his life/plans or making much of an effort to become part of yours. A relationship like that could never work out well.

I don't have a problem with dating a single parent, but a lot of new challenges are introduced into this dating scenario. Whether or not it would work out would depend on our compatibility, effort, love, etc. The thing is, I don't date for fun. I'm only going to date someone if I see it going somewhere so I would want to be extra sure/feel especially committed to the man and his kids before diving in.
 
INFJ16 said:
Well said! I think the biggest concern here is that the person wasn't integrating you into his life/plans or making much of an effort to become part of yours. A relationship like that could never work out well.

I don't have a problem with dating a single parent, but a lot of new challenges are introduced into this dating scenario. Whether or not it would work out would depend on our compatibility, effort, love, etc. The thing is, I don't date for fun. I'm only going to date someone if I see it going somewhere so I would want to be extra sure/feel especially committed to the man and his kids before diving in.
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Exactly. I'm not a casual dater. I can't simply date to have fun and see where it goes. Usually, if I get involved, I'm in or it's not meaningful or satisfying for me.
 
Gale said:
Exactly. I'm not a casual dater. I can't simply date to have fun and see where it goes. Usually, if I get involved, I'm in or it's not meaningful or satisfying for me.
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Me too. I lose interest. It's not that I think that it's a terrible thing to do so no judging or anything. I just can't stay interested in someone who wants to be casual enough to waste my time and if I'm not looking for a relationship I won't date because there's no motivation to mess with it. Must be an extrovert thing.
 
Gale said:
Exactly. I'm not a casual dater. I can't simply date to have fun and see where it goes. Usually, if I get involved, I'm in or it's not meaningful or satisfying for me.
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Were you ever a casual dater?

My only relationship was with ex and it was a fucked up one. I was 22 when we got together so I never did the teen dating thing either. I have no clue what a normal healthy relationship feels like, which is why the causal route is so perfect for me. I get to learn first hand that people aren't scum, I get to learn what I actually want, and I get to have a lot of fun. Although my one friend said that since we are exclusive that doesn't mean we are casual, but I disagree.

If people don't casually date how do you even find out if someone is a compatable partner for the long term? Do you all just date from your friend pool?
 
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