Would you have a long distance relationship?

MoniqueS

MoniqueS

Newbie
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
4
First, would you ever have a long distance relationship? Secondly, how would you make it work?

It seems like a very difficult situation. Because you almost have to jump into a serious relationship, because you have to literally fly or drive a significant distance just to even see the other person. So it doesn't seem like you have an opportunity to casually date. Also, what about just the costs associated with the traveling. And how do make your schedules work?

I'm just curious to see how people maintain successful long distance relationships.
 
I did before. It would have been ok if my ex was fluent in English or I was fluent in Korean, but it was tough. I would have one again if they were worth it and if I spoke the same language as the SO.
 
I am currently in one. I don't know about jumping right into a serious one - though people do, and it can work for them - as mine developed over time. [Friends for 3 years, then best friends, then a couple]. The trick, I find, is communication. And trust. No relationship can function without these, and it's made more prominent when distance is involved.
 
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, or...it makes it grow fonder for someone else.
 
Let's put it this way. If they're worth it, you'll know because you feel it and you won't be able to help but want to wait for them and try the distance. If not, then don't bother.
 
My most recent relationship and the one before my last both began as long distance.

The first long distance of mine is pretty much a horror story. He ditched me as soon as he decided to come to WA to live (supposedly he was coming here to be with me) for whom I thought at the time was my best friend. Although looking back on it I was extremely stupid to think something would not happen between the two of them. I knew what sort of person she was long before she agreed to let him room up with her until he found a place so he could integrate into the new state more easily. But I was desperate to have him close because the distance had already begun to drive a wedge and cause stress/other issues to ruin the relationship and I guess I also hoped giving her the benefit of the doubt was the right decision, but it so rarely is in my unfortunate experience. I guess it was kind of my own fault for being in denial about things. Love blind...desperate. Something like that. I thought he really wanted to make things work with me and really cared about me. Turns out he had met someone he cared about more.

My most recent, who I ended up marrying, I love with all of my heart and I seriously doubt he could ever do anything remotely like the first did to me. He is an INTP and I am INFJ. We definitely have our problems, but we are a young couple and are learning more and more all the time how to deal with each others idiosyncracies. Just had our first wedding anniversary on Aug 13th. After that first disaster I swore to myself I would never do a LDR ever again, but I couldn't help myself when I met him. Kind of like @niffer said, if they're worth it, you'll know and you won't be able to help but want to put the effort into bridging that physical gap between you. I feel very lucky to have found someone as generous and smart and generally awesome as he is, so I am definitely happy I decided to go ahead with getting involved in another LDR. But thankfully, no longer a LDR. :]
 
I'm in one now. . .it's fabulous. . .
 
Norton said:
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, or...it makes it grow fonder for someone else.
Click to expand...


Out of sight, out of mind.



Distance is frustrating but if the compatibly is above
par then more than likely it will work out. Some
feelings you cannot deny.
 
I guess you could say that being apart is a good test of relationship. If being apart is okay with you, find someone else. If you can't stand being apart, do what it takes to be together.
 
Absolutely I would, and have. I agree with what [MENTION=3998]niffer[/MENTION] said- if they're worth it you will know it and you WILL want to put that effort in. What I like about it is that you can build that connection with someone but it happens slower over time and you can REALLY get to know someone before you ever make the choice to merger your lives together. Well, for me anyway.

I've always been the "do whatever it takes" type so I have never had any problem packing up my life and moving great distances for the person I want to be with. I've done that twice and I don't regret it at all even though it didn't work out.

I really believe if you connect with someone enough it would be silly to let them slip by just because of distance. Life is about adventure! Take one!
 
Bird said:
Out of sight, out of mind.

Distance is frustrating but if the compatibly is above
par then more than likely it will work out. Some
feelings you cannot deny.
Click to expand...

Yep, compatibility is important. If both of you can stay away from each other for long periods of time and still miss and need each other, then if you make time to communicate regularly, it could work. But if both of you are diverging and going in different directions with dissimilar wants and needs which cannot be reconciled, then it's harder to make it work.




Norton said:
I guess you could say that being apart is a good test of relationship. If being apart is okay with you, find someone else. If you can't stand being apart, do what it takes to be together.
Click to expand...

agree. Not all couples can handle being apart for long periods so if it's more of a struggle for you as a couple, then find compromises to make it work. Staying away from a partner is difficult especially when the relationship is new.

My former SO was away for a month, and that was difficult but part of that was the relationship was fairly new.

And I think the longer you're together and the more serious the committment, the more likely couples are able to handle it because there's the sense they know the person will come back or return.
 
I'm currently in one.. it just happened. I think the decision comes when your desire to be with someone tops all the troubles and inconveniences a long term relationship might bring. I'd deal with it by keeping open communication and using different communication mediums. Long term relationships only work when both people are on the same page though.
 
I was in a long distance relationship. We both really enjoyed it because it let us really get to know each other first, so when we did meet, we knew pretty much everything about one another. Then again, I think we missed out on some of the best times of our relationship because we were separated. It wasn't like we could go see each other in the town over, it was like...OCEANS apart. We're still together. He just kind of moved half way across the world for me. No biggie.

If I really really cared about the person, I would definitely go through it all again. Love knows no bounds.
 
How long would I have to remain in long distance status for?
 
niffer said:
Let's put it this way. If they're worth it, you'll know because you feel it and you won't be able to help but want to wait for them and try the distance. If not, then don't bother.
Click to expand...

Yep. You'll do anything to be with them.
 
I was in one too for 3 years, he was from the US
he visited 4 times and it was kind of costly (for him) and not only financially a drain
I'm still sour from it but I think breaking up was the only thing to do after such a long time not being able to move together :/
 
Honey Badger said:
I've always been the "do whatever it takes" type so I have never had any problem packing up my life and moving great distances for the person I want to be with. I've done that twice and I don't regret it at all even though it didn't work out.

I really believe if you connect with someone enough it would be silly to let them slip by just because of distance. Life is about adventure! Take one!
Click to expand...

samesiesss

A big part of the reason I'm aiming for the career that I am is because I'm taking this into account lol, I refuse to give up.
 
paradanmellow said:
I was in one too for 3 years, he was from the US
he visited 4 times and it was kind of costly (for him) and not only financially a drain
I'm still sour from it but I think breaking up was the only thing to do after such a long time not being able to move together :/
Click to expand...
So... you never visited him?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top