Would you rather be wanted or needed?

Would you rather be wanted or needed in a relationship?

  • Total voters
    28
  • Poll closed .
Eventhorizon

Eventhorizon

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Pretty straight forward. In a relationship if you could only have one, would you rather be needed or wanted?
 
I definitely want to be wanted. Even people that want to be needed will also want to be wanted.
Occasionally I'd also like to feel needed. Or her to feel like she needs me or say she needs me.

I want to be needed to go somewhere with your partner.
I don't want her to need me to live.

But I guess the question boils down to:
Do I want her to need me for happiness?
Do I want that she's unable to be happy without me?

Well, even then. Partially.
She obviously has to have a life that she somewhat enjoys. But I would also like that she gets happier because I'm around.
 
Need = necessary = codependency = emotionally incapable of existence without you. Not sexy. In fact, boner death. Run screaming from this.

Want = optional = independent = emotionally capable of existence without you, but invested in you anyway. That's pretty awesome and desirable.
 
Wanting someone too much could easily begin to take on the look of needy. And don't most relationships go from wanting to needing after being together long enough?

I'm going with:
I need to be wanted and I want to be needed.
 
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There are different levels of need. I need you to give me a blood transfusion everyday... I need you to pay my rent. I needed you to smile at me...
What got me thinking about this is that I re enlisted on this dating site. I remember a past relationship where I was told that I did not seem to really "need" her. At the time it caught me off guard and I probably said something like thats not true. Thinking back though I think thats accurate. I do not really feel as if I have needed anyone. However I have wanted .... Anyway I was thinking back to that and wondering if she really wanted to be "needed". I figure the information can be helpful at some point.
 
Eventhorizon said:
There are different levels of need. I need you to give me a blood transfusion everyday... I need you to pay my rent. I needed you to smile at me...
What got me thinking about this is that I re enlisted on this dating site. I remember a past relationship where I was told that I did not seem to really "need" her. At the time it caught me off guard and I probably said something like thats not true. Thinking back though I think thats accurate. I do not really feel as if I have needed anyone. However I have wanted .... Anyway I was thinking back to that and wondering if she really wanted to be "needed". I figure the information can be helpful at some point.
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I see them as two sides of the same coin. If you want someone, that implies that you are lacking something that they provide in order to keep you happy; which then makes them a need. We all need to be happy. And in our search for happiness, we go after things we want to fulfill our needs.
 
Need tends to imply use or usefulness, not mutual feeling. Yes, I like that I can provide something a partner needs which only I can satisfy emotionally, etc. However, I don't simply want to be needed especially if its a case where the other person is not giving back. I'd rather be wanted, any day as long as I feel the same for the person who wants me.
 
Anywhere But Here said:
Wanting someone too much could easily begin to take on the look of needy. And don't most relationships go from wanting to needing after being together long enough?
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^ I agree.

I think most relationships do go from wanting to needing after awhile. I think you get SO comfortable with that person and being with them that it starts to feel lonely if they're not near. I know for my uncle... he's been with my aunt for 25+ yrs and he says he always feels a longing for her still and not only WANTS to be close to her... but feels like he NEEDS to be close to her.

I personally see nothing wrong with wanting AND needing. I want to be with my partner and I also need them around for emotional support too. Why not both?!
 
bionic said:
^ I agree.

I think most relationships do go from wanting to needing after awhile. I think you get SO comfortable with that person and being with them that it starts to feel lonely if they're not near. I know for my uncle... he's been with my aunt for 25+ yrs and he says he always feels a longing for her still and not only WANTS to be close to her... but feels like he NEEDS to be close to her.

I personally see nothing wrong with wanting AND needing. I want to be with my partner and I also need them around for emotional support too. Why not both?!
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Two souls, one heart. They need one another to feel whole. That's love.
 
bionic said:
^ I agree.

I think most relationships do go from wanting to needing after awhile. I think you get SO comfortable with that person and being with them that it starts to feel lonely if they're not near. I know for my uncle... he's been with my aunt for 25+ yrs and he says he always feels a longing for her still and not only WANTS to be close to her... but feels like he NEEDS to be close to her.

I personally see nothing wrong with wanting AND needing. I want to be with my partner and I also need them around for emotional support too. Why not both?!
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When one thinks they need something and it turns out that they eventually have to live without it (or not live) then their concept of "need" tends to become less juvenile or they have a whiskey lullaby....
 
bionic said:
... he's been with my aunt for 25+ yrs and he says he always feels a longing for her still and not only WANTS to be close to her... but feels like he NEEDS to be close to her.
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This is one of the biggest truths about being with someone you want and love, which gets denied or defined as obsession. We've been taught today to believe that no one should want or need anyone. If someone wants or needs anyone, they are seen as needy. What you describe is about true contentment and soulful intimacy in a partner, where they become a part of you, and therefore you need their presence because two feel as though they are one whole. They feed each other.
 
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pics said:
This is one of the biggest truths about being with someone you want and love, which gets denied or defined as obsession. We've been taught today to believe that no one should want or need anyone. If someone wants or needs anyone, they are seen as needy. What you describe is not about true contentment and soulful intimacy in a partner, where they become a part of you, and therefore you need their presence because two feel as though they are one whole. They feed each other.
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That's all lovely but I find that the concept of "need" is more often used as an excuse to prolong abusive or dysfunctional situations.

When every jerk says they need you it makes things hard to take seriously.
 
sprinkles said:
That's all lovely but I find that the concept of "need" is more often used as an excuse to prolong abusive or dysfunctional situations.

When every jerk says they need you it makes things hard to take seriously.
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I guess it depends on how someone defines need. Needy can be mean many things include clingy, co-dependent, imposing, etc. So, need is not a healthy quality in every respect. The couple has to negotiate what "need" means in the context of their relationship, and hopefully find a middle ground that works for both.
 
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