[INFJ] You've got to be a bitch to succeed in life!
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hush
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Either way, you're giving off a strong vibe of being disingenuous.
You shouldn't act or not act bitchy - you should be as you are. Genuine.
You said that you got what you "deserved" when you acted like a bitch. What exactly do you deserve? Where is this sense of entitlement coming from?
I don't mean to be harsh, but your approach just seems insincere. Also, after years of experience working in customer service, I can assure you that you will not be treated better if you act like a bitch. Working in customer service, people will angrily scream and bitch at you for absolutely no reason sometimes. If you're bitchy to someone, it's not going to endear them to you. Plus, why would you add more bitchiness to someone's already bitch-filled day? Just be a decent human being. I've had people helping me, for instance, at a store, who were shocked simply because I was kind and patient with them. That honestly made me sad, that people are so used to others being assholes that simple kindness surprised them.
How did you "get" guys by being a bitch? That sounds like it would be an interesting relationship.
Long story short, don't expect people to give you what you want just because you're acting like a bitch. Also, just be who you are, as aforementioned, and don't be a dick to people.
You shouldn't act or not act bitchy - you should be as you are. Genuine.
You said that you got what you "deserved" when you acted like a bitch. What exactly do you deserve? Where is this sense of entitlement coming from?
I don't mean to be harsh, but your approach just seems insincere. Also, after years of experience working in customer service, I can assure you that you will not be treated better if you act like a bitch. Working in customer service, people will angrily scream and bitch at you for absolutely no reason sometimes. If you're bitchy to someone, it's not going to endear them to you. Plus, why would you add more bitchiness to someone's already bitch-filled day? Just be a decent human being. I've had people helping me, for instance, at a store, who were shocked simply because I was kind and patient with them. That honestly made me sad, that people are so used to others being assholes that simple kindness surprised them.
How did you "get" guys by being a bitch? That sounds like it would be an interesting relationship.
Long story short, don't expect people to give you what you want just because you're acting like a bitch. Also, just be who you are, as aforementioned, and don't be a dick to people.
Tin Man
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Hoodie
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Personally, I like to do kind things for people and by doing so just dare other people not to. Like holding the door open for people, I feel like it's a way of training people to be nice. Not sure if it works but I like to think it does. Maybe it's a silly notion, 
but hey, haven't they proved that people follow by example?
but hey, haven't they proved that people follow by example?
La Sagna
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It depends on what you define as success. Personally, being successful in life is having genuine and caring relationships and being proud of my accomplishments. I would definitely not get that by being bitchy. The people I admire and I believe are the most successful in life are those who are kind but also know what their boundaries are and enforce them.
I've seen demanding and selfish women get everything they wanted and wondered why they seemed to get more, but then I realized that it's because people are afraid of them. Success obtained in that way would feel shallow and demeaning to me. I'd rather be nice and treat people well. How they treat me is their decision and won't affect how I feel about myself, just how I feel about them.
I've seen demanding and selfish women get everything they wanted and wondered why they seemed to get more, but then I realized that it's because people are afraid of them. Success obtained in that way would feel shallow and demeaning to me. I'd rather be nice and treat people well. How they treat me is their decision and won't affect how I feel about myself, just how I feel about them.
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There are "versions" of "nice"; it sounds as though your experience of ineffective niceness is what I'd call "doormat nice."
I think of effectual, polite, cultured, diligent, intelligence as nice and reward-worthy.
Admittedly, most "niceness" functions as a substitute for competence and productivity, but these things are not mutually exclusive in some individuals.
Scientia
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I get the best results when I am myself and don't pretend to be otherwise. I am calm and capable and I tell fabulous stories but I can be quiet a lot of the time. The idea of climbing and using people to get ahead disgusts me. I mean, I could take advantage of others' affection for me and desire to be around me but that would go against who I am. I might lose my fan club. Then what would I do with all of those signed headshot photos?
In all seriousness, being bitchy and emotional is not effective. Being straightforward and standing up for yourself without backing down is effective.
In all seriousness, being bitchy and emotional is not effective. Being straightforward and standing up for yourself without backing down is effective.
I disagree.
I'm a guy for what it's worth. But I've found things have worked out far better in my interactions with others and myself in a situation the more confidently compassionate and genuine I am.
I think the key isn't being a bitch, but simply being assertive & confident. Being bitchy is one way to get that, I suppose. But I don't think it's the best way at all.
Being nice isn't enough. You can't just "be nice" and expect the world to fall around you. That's the wrong mindset to have. It's about changing your mindset to be genuinely empathetic and compassionate toward others. To be confident in yourself when you are this way so people can see you speak with validity. Not in a manner where you end goal is to get something out of an interaction, but because you believe everyone is struggling and deserves a little compassion. But at the same time, be assertive with your intentions. Don't bullshit. I've found I'm taken far more seriously and am much more well considered when I don't bullshit and I do it with genuine compassion for the other person.
I don't want to imply that I'm a master of interacting with others like this all the time. That said, I've oddly found it easier to be this way with complete strangers than with people I know personally. Work in progress and all that.
I'm a guy for what it's worth. But I've found things have worked out far better in my interactions with others and myself in a situation the more confidently compassionate and genuine I am.
I think the key isn't being a bitch, but simply being assertive & confident. Being bitchy is one way to get that, I suppose. But I don't think it's the best way at all.
Being nice isn't enough. You can't just "be nice" and expect the world to fall around you. That's the wrong mindset to have. It's about changing your mindset to be genuinely empathetic and compassionate toward others. To be confident in yourself when you are this way so people can see you speak with validity. Not in a manner where you end goal is to get something out of an interaction, but because you believe everyone is struggling and deserves a little compassion. But at the same time, be assertive with your intentions. Don't bullshit. I've found I'm taken far more seriously and am much more well considered when I don't bullshit and I do it with genuine compassion for the other person.
I don't want to imply that I'm a master of interacting with others like this all the time. That said, I've oddly found it easier to be this way with complete strangers than with people I know personally. Work in progress and all that.
koizora
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Rather than being bitchy, I do think being assertive is a more successful approach. I have experienced some situations where I had to be assertive (whether I liked it or not, even with being assertive I tend to think I'm being rude, but that's just me being soft on the inside haha) and it worked. But I only get assertive if I really have to, and after my normal 'nice' approach didn't work.
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bolognamacaroni
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I don't have anything worth while to contribute to this thread that hasn't already been said.
I can offer some experiences and examples of where I've been successful being assertive and other examples of successes while being nice. Clearly, everyone has their own experiences and examples of this, however.
Mostly, I just popped in to say I don't know why I haven't read this thread sooner. There's some good stuff here.
I can offer some experiences and examples of where I've been successful being assertive and other examples of successes while being nice. Clearly, everyone has their own experiences and examples of this, however.
Mostly, I just popped in to say I don't know why I haven't read this thread sooner. There's some good stuff here.
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Thanks for appreciating my Key and Peele reference. You made my day. Meegan is the queen of all bitches.