acd
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She can't even spell loser correctly but still put out this vid.
#1. Bullshit. Nothing wrong with splitting bills and both putting in the same amount of effort. But I don't identify as a princess who requires someone to take care of me.
Why should women just accept that they will make less money? I don't think that's true. I know plenty of women who make more than their partners. There have been periods in my career where I'm the one making more. Get another job if you aren't making enough. #1 is a very sexist and entitled view. But it seems her whole shtick is landing a millionaire lol.
I have also seen and heard it where men will insist on paying for everything on dates because they think it entitles them to sex.
#2 it depends on context and timing. If you have been dating for months and want a committed relationship and a family down the road and the other person doesn't-- you are not compatible. But I think those things should be shared right away. I don't think there's anything wrong with talking about what you want in life early on-- to say that you are wanting to find a partner to eventually marry and have a family with. Nothing wrong with letting someone know that early on. And if they aren't wanting to explore the possibility of those things with you, move on. You shouldn't be dating someone who doesn't want the same things. Nothing wrong with wanting something casual, but find someone casual then.
#3. Agree. Ghosting and being unreliable is disrespectful. You're looking for a partner. Not good traits in a partner.
#4. Basically all she has to say here is that if you don't share any interests and can't have meaningful conversations then why are you dating?
#5 Everyone should treat one another with common courtesy. He should be courteous to you and you should be courteous as well. I would not expect a man to carry me over a mud puddle or that sort of antiquated thinking though.
#6 Yes. You should dump a manipulative partner. I agree that you need to have boundaries. However she gives an example of a man saying that a woman is a gold digger... But she just advised above that women should feel entitled to their money. She talks about "Meeting half way" but advises women not to do that in #1.
So there's that. But just don't date people who get explosively angry and aggressive with you.
#7 Goes back to #2
#1. Bullshit. Nothing wrong with splitting bills and both putting in the same amount of effort. But I don't identify as a princess who requires someone to take care of me.
Why should women just accept that they will make less money? I don't think that's true. I know plenty of women who make more than their partners. There have been periods in my career where I'm the one making more. Get another job if you aren't making enough. #1 is a very sexist and entitled view. But it seems her whole shtick is landing a millionaire lol.
I have also seen and heard it where men will insist on paying for everything on dates because they think it entitles them to sex.
#2 it depends on context and timing. If you have been dating for months and want a committed relationship and a family down the road and the other person doesn't-- you are not compatible. But I think those things should be shared right away. I don't think there's anything wrong with talking about what you want in life early on-- to say that you are wanting to find a partner to eventually marry and have a family with. Nothing wrong with letting someone know that early on. And if they aren't wanting to explore the possibility of those things with you, move on. You shouldn't be dating someone who doesn't want the same things. Nothing wrong with wanting something casual, but find someone casual then.
#3. Agree. Ghosting and being unreliable is disrespectful. You're looking for a partner. Not good traits in a partner.
#4. Basically all she has to say here is that if you don't share any interests and can't have meaningful conversations then why are you dating?
#5 Everyone should treat one another with common courtesy. He should be courteous to you and you should be courteous as well. I would not expect a man to carry me over a mud puddle or that sort of antiquated thinking though.
#6 Yes. You should dump a manipulative partner. I agree that you need to have boundaries. However she gives an example of a man saying that a woman is a gold digger... But she just advised above that women should feel entitled to their money. She talks about "Meeting half way" but advises women not to do that in #1.
So there's that. But just don't date people who get explosively angry and aggressive with you.
#7 Goes back to #2
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acd
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Prob a different topic but there is a 1950s Trad Wife trend on social media I'm noticing. It's interesting.
I think that in uncertain times, people will want to return to "simpler" or "easier" more traditional times. Even if it's just an idealized version based on old TV shows and movies.
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Pin
"Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart
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Watch it when you get the chance. Without the video you won't get the thread at all.
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I think this video would have been framed better if it was titled:
"Traits in a person that make a great companion/partner", as opposed to putting it on looking for defects in a person (man in this case) it would be nice to talk about what traits and behavior foster a healthy relationship and love. This would focus more on the psychology of love and connection and how to form trust with other people. I don't like the gender focus dynamic of this video. It was hard for me to watch. I am not used to consuming content like this that is reliant on gender norms and pigeon holing people and labeling certain people as lesser rather than addressing behavior. I used to think this way and it took a long time to change my patterns.
If you ignore the way she is presenting the conversation there are good points. I like that she is talking about having boundaries and not putting up with people who say things but don't do them. You have to watch behavior and not what people say.
"Traits in a person that make a great companion/partner", as opposed to putting it on looking for defects in a person (man in this case) it would be nice to talk about what traits and behavior foster a healthy relationship and love. This would focus more on the psychology of love and connection and how to form trust with other people. I don't like the gender focus dynamic of this video. It was hard for me to watch. I am not used to consuming content like this that is reliant on gender norms and pigeon holing people and labeling certain people as lesser rather than addressing behavior. I used to think this way and it took a long time to change my patterns.
If you ignore the way she is presenting the conversation there are good points. I like that she is talking about having boundaries and not putting up with people who say things but don't do them. You have to watch behavior and not what people say.
acd
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Yeah it's a choice. The distinction being that in the 50s it wasn't a choice. It's just really curious to me that more and more younger people are wanting to return to those times.Definitely. And people are free to do that if they want to. Hey, this reminds me that last time I went out in Dublin, a woman at a bar said “you look like you’re from the 19th century”
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Peppermint
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Pin
"Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart
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You're fine, good luck on your test darling. Ciao.
acd
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Kind and nurturing. A partner. Someone who is funny or has a good sense of humor. Someone intelligent that I can have conversations with and learn from.
I hit the jack pot. I especially realized it when my son was born because my husband was just amazing the whole time. My pregnancy, through the birth and then caring for a newborn. We have a strong partnership. And then when my dad died this year. I wouldn't be as OK as I am without him through that loss. He has really taken care of me there. And it didn't require riches. There are sometimes really big life circumstances that make you realize what is truly important and how lucky you are.
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John K
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This video seems to me to be saying the equivalent of if it's cold and wet outside, don't go out without a coat on. Mostly, when the presenter's overwhelming power style is filtered out, it's mostly stating the obvious.
What I'm uneasy about is the unspoken but very powerful assumption that dating is a sort of stereotyped and almost impersonal contest. It's got the underlying feeling that to win the game, a couple would need to be each other's trophy partner rather than true soulmates. There's not much sense of crucial aspects such as the way friendship and love lie at the heart of a long term relationship. These grow quite slowly as a two compatible people merge into a couple, and at its best it's the journey of a lifetime - it may well start out less than perfect in some ways and yet develop into something special.
But despite this reservation, there are very important warning signs that she raises - I think people can be blinded to these by the strength of their emotional commitment and end up in an abusive or neglectful relationship. Having some rational checklist is good - it's not that as such that makes me uneasy, but the underlying subtext in the video of what a good relationship actually looks like.
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It fascinates me to think that there are truly people who refer to such rational checklist as critical. At the end of the day, it's about values and whether or not two people share them. If two people had similar priorities then I suppose it could work for them. I'm afraid, however, of the kind of values it cultivates for their offspring, if any. I find that respective human needs are far more complex than what societal values generally put forward.
I'm also with you in the discomfort. My general ire about content like this is that it covers what I think are more important values such as strength of character with a rather superficial haze. It reduces the other to a walking piece of signs when reality would most likely have it that there's always more to a person than what is packaged with a pretty red ribbon. I have nothing against people who think some things like money and stature in life are more important but as a personal opinion, I wouldn't be inclined to choosing a partner with just those values. Stability is important, yes, and it is a good indicator of character but it's not all there is to it.
Lastly, but perhaps most important, is that we're all losers in this world. Enough with these valuations and reductions of human souls to rigid frameworks. Give me a unidimensional "winner" and I promise that they can be unravelled and stripped down to their worsts. Nobody is just a category. We're all different and at different stages in life, and in each of this we can deserve to be chosen.