- MBTI
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4w5
Okay, so. Here is some backstory to this situation. The friend in question and I have been friends since middle school. This friend of mine has an obsessive compulsive hair pulling disorder, and she has dealt with it since she was very young.
I want to share this, because I would honestly like to know how much of an asshole I really am in this situation. Sometimes I need some help pulling my head out of my ass. I perhaps ought to just get over myself and apologize, but I am fucking sick of this shit. I am sick of her playing the victim card and expecting other people to coddle her issues. SO sick of it. So honestly, fuck apologizing.
-
Me: got a new network card in my computer...heres to hoping my connection will finally stop dropping all the freaking time and making me want to rip out my hair! (not thinking...venting...this is something literally everyone says and in no way was intended as a jab at her)
Her: Really. That's the phrase you'd choose to say? Sorry if I'm seeming bitchy but I figure after our recent talk and the 16 years of friendship you would be a little more empathetic.
Me: really? I am sorry for not considering your every emotion when I am venting and using a totally normal phrase that every day people say. I understand why it might irk you, but honestly, that level of attention isn't something you should expect from anyone, it's extremely unfair. Not everything revolves around you and your issues.
Her: You're so right. Be careful to not push your friends away.
Me: It's your choice if you want to be offended by that kind of shit when you know better exactly what I mean. Maybe if you are so sensitive you should not talk to me, because I am not the sort of person to bother tip toeing around others sensitive areas, because in my opinion, your feelings are your own responsibility, aside from outright douchebaggery, in which I was in no way participating.
Her: Ok. Maybe you should stop bragging about how sensitive you are. Everything you just said makes you contradict yourself. Of all the things in my life I could be sensitive about the worst is my hair. I honestly thought you'd respect my feelings. Yeah I chose to take offense over what you said. Because I thought you weren't as selfish as you apparently are. I hope your newly found self love and confidence treats you well.
Me: Having empathy and being expected to so carefully choose your words so as to not offend, is entirely different. I would hope by now you know that I support you and your struggles with trich. But I would also hope that you take responsibility for your own feelings and realize that it is not everyone elses job to tip toe around your issues to avoid risking hurting your precious feelings.
Her: The key word is respect. You're in a mental and emotional place where it's seems to outsiders that no matter what, you're right and everyone is wrong. I can respect that you are going through life altering stuff. If we are going to talk about owning up to our own precious feelings you should look in the mirror. Regardless of what I do or don't say, it won't matter. Because you have to be right. When you feel like you can respect me, maybe we can talk again. Or you could just say Fuck off to me and my feelings.
Me: Not sure what you are referring to when you are telling me to look in the mirror regarding my own precious feelings, but whatever...I won't let other peoples personal issues dictate my every word or action, and that's the end of it. If I happen to remember that hey, mentioning anything related to hair is a sore point, then I remember. Am I going to bend over backwards walking on eggshells in order to protect someones feelings? Fuck no, and it's bullshit to expect anything remotely like that from anyone. I am just so done with that shit. Own your own shit, none of that is my responsibility. I can respect the struggles you have gone through, and I support you in fighting your demons, and it is my greatest hope that one day you can look your trich straight in its face and tell it to fuck off, along with your anxiety. I have no idea what road you need to take to get there, or if I could even possibly be of help. All I know is, not my circus, not my monkeys. I've got enough monkeys of my own. I am not taking any responsibility for anyone elses.
Her: Like I said. Won't matter what I say. But I will say it anyway. I am not expecting you to bend over backwards. But ya know. Maybe a fucking apology is all I needed to hear because sometimes you're an insensitive fucking bitch. Good Bye. I hope your kids don't end up resenting you the rest of your life. It is such a shame that you don't give a shit about anyone but yourself.
-
So, I accidentally hurt her feelings. I get annoyed, say a lot of very blunt but very true things, and she resorts to vague and below the belt jabs in an attempt to "hurt me back". And guess what? It didn't work. Water off a ducks back. Hurt person spewing bullshit. Guess what, I know it's bullshit. Therefore, doesn't hurt me. Nice below the belt jab there bringing my kids into it, but it didn't work.
I am just so over this kind of shit. If she feels the need to resort to that shit to make herself feel better over a completely innocent comment, fine. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
I suppose right now, I am not the friend that she needs. Perhaps that is all that can be said.
I want to share this, because I would honestly like to know how much of an asshole I really am in this situation. Sometimes I need some help pulling my head out of my ass. I perhaps ought to just get over myself and apologize, but I am fucking sick of this shit. I am sick of her playing the victim card and expecting other people to coddle her issues. SO sick of it. So honestly, fuck apologizing.
-
Me: got a new network card in my computer...heres to hoping my connection will finally stop dropping all the freaking time and making me want to rip out my hair! (not thinking...venting...this is something literally everyone says and in no way was intended as a jab at her)
Her: Really. That's the phrase you'd choose to say? Sorry if I'm seeming bitchy but I figure after our recent talk and the 16 years of friendship you would be a little more empathetic.
Me: really? I am sorry for not considering your every emotion when I am venting and using a totally normal phrase that every day people say. I understand why it might irk you, but honestly, that level of attention isn't something you should expect from anyone, it's extremely unfair. Not everything revolves around you and your issues.
Her: You're so right. Be careful to not push your friends away.
Me: It's your choice if you want to be offended by that kind of shit when you know better exactly what I mean. Maybe if you are so sensitive you should not talk to me, because I am not the sort of person to bother tip toeing around others sensitive areas, because in my opinion, your feelings are your own responsibility, aside from outright douchebaggery, in which I was in no way participating.
Her: Ok. Maybe you should stop bragging about how sensitive you are. Everything you just said makes you contradict yourself. Of all the things in my life I could be sensitive about the worst is my hair. I honestly thought you'd respect my feelings. Yeah I chose to take offense over what you said. Because I thought you weren't as selfish as you apparently are. I hope your newly found self love and confidence treats you well.
Me: Having empathy and being expected to so carefully choose your words so as to not offend, is entirely different. I would hope by now you know that I support you and your struggles with trich. But I would also hope that you take responsibility for your own feelings and realize that it is not everyone elses job to tip toe around your issues to avoid risking hurting your precious feelings.
Her: The key word is respect. You're in a mental and emotional place where it's seems to outsiders that no matter what, you're right and everyone is wrong. I can respect that you are going through life altering stuff. If we are going to talk about owning up to our own precious feelings you should look in the mirror. Regardless of what I do or don't say, it won't matter. Because you have to be right. When you feel like you can respect me, maybe we can talk again. Or you could just say Fuck off to me and my feelings.
Me: Not sure what you are referring to when you are telling me to look in the mirror regarding my own precious feelings, but whatever...I won't let other peoples personal issues dictate my every word or action, and that's the end of it. If I happen to remember that hey, mentioning anything related to hair is a sore point, then I remember. Am I going to bend over backwards walking on eggshells in order to protect someones feelings? Fuck no, and it's bullshit to expect anything remotely like that from anyone. I am just so done with that shit. Own your own shit, none of that is my responsibility. I can respect the struggles you have gone through, and I support you in fighting your demons, and it is my greatest hope that one day you can look your trich straight in its face and tell it to fuck off, along with your anxiety. I have no idea what road you need to take to get there, or if I could even possibly be of help. All I know is, not my circus, not my monkeys. I've got enough monkeys of my own. I am not taking any responsibility for anyone elses.
Her: Like I said. Won't matter what I say. But I will say it anyway. I am not expecting you to bend over backwards. But ya know. Maybe a fucking apology is all I needed to hear because sometimes you're an insensitive fucking bitch. Good Bye. I hope your kids don't end up resenting you the rest of your life. It is such a shame that you don't give a shit about anyone but yourself.
-
So, I accidentally hurt her feelings. I get annoyed, say a lot of very blunt but very true things, and she resorts to vague and below the belt jabs in an attempt to "hurt me back". And guess what? It didn't work. Water off a ducks back. Hurt person spewing bullshit. Guess what, I know it's bullshit. Therefore, doesn't hurt me. Nice below the belt jab there bringing my kids into it, but it didn't work.
I am just so over this kind of shit. If she feels the need to resort to that shit to make herself feel better over a completely innocent comment, fine. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
I suppose right now, I am not the friend that she needs. Perhaps that is all that can be said.