[INFJ] Any of you really really hate yourself?

Sloe Djinn said:
Yeah I share this tendency. I'm not sure where it stems from, but it's like a mix of being overly critical of things that can't be changed, and too focused on external validation. It's something I battle on a daily basis, like ruminating on some stupid thing I said years ago or obsessively replaying some interaction in my head for the millionth time.
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I feel like it might be easier to deal with if I had a better understanding of where it came from and why, I've been through years of psych treatment and it didn't help it. I know psychiatric professionals cant figure out everything, I'll be one myself soon, but because I havent figured otu a way to face it and erradicate it yet, it feels natural and correct.

- I get scared people judge me for all the psych treatment Ive had, most people don't have it as long term as I do and I seem relatively OK and people think I must just like to moan a lot. I don't. It's personal to me, but it's always been about self-hate and the extreme force behind those feelings. The one thing that came up is repressed anger, I did realise I never get angry at people, but I don't want to be angry at people ever. I haven't figured it out yet.
 
infinite dreams said:
As a child/teen I frequently felt that my differences and small imperfections were critical weaknesses that I'd never overcome. My (sharply negative, cynicism-charged) home environment did a lot to reinforce this. So yeah, I definitely hated myself at times. "Why can't you coast through life like others seem to?" "Why do you make things more difficult than they have to be?" "Why can't you just be NORMAL?" These were all questions I asked myself constantly.

Growing older I still ask myself these questions from time to time, but I filter them through a different lens. I've learned to adapt my strengths to carve out a place in the world I can be satisfied with. I've learned to observe and note the weaknesses of others, which may not be as apparent but are certainly there (no one is perfect or even close). In short, my self-image has evolved to where I no longer place blame on myself for my shortcomings. They simply are what they are and I have to cope with them. I find that I best cope with them by leveraging my strengths, thus rendering my weaknesses less significant.

@Asa your viewpoints below are very similar to how I look at things today, particularly the bolded. Once I learned to leverage one of my inherent strengths (objectivity, Ti-dom if you will) this became so much easier.
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That's really great. What did you need to do? At the moment I feel like the only way I wont have as much of these thoughts is if I build a life where I can stay away from people forever- which is giving into the thoughts, not getting rid of them.
 
@HelloItsMe – Of course many things about being me make me cringe. I just accept it and take the opportunity of being alive to enjoy life. I try to improve – to work on the cringy aspects of being me, and to make the good things about being me more dominant.
The sad part is, the more you dwell on your weaknesses, the stronger those weaknesses seem to become. If I could cherry pick who I am, I would be a lot different. Most people would. This dynamic is part of the beauty of the human experience.
Try not to let what you dislike about yourself dominate your life.

Something a dear cousin taught me many years ago via his own life decisions is that if you're not happy with your life, change you life until you are happy and love being alive. That may include taking a medication, as Selcouth suggested.
 
"THE CURIOUS PARADOX IS THAT WHEN I ACCEPT MYSELF JUST AS I AM, THEN I CHANGE."

I used to hate myself. Then I realized I was internalizing patterns from my upbringing. I was hating myself because I was taught that I was supposed to. So I stopped that shit and started growing.

From the book On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy.

Carl Rogers explains, "I find I am more effective when I can listen accepantly to myself, and can be myself. I feel that over the years I have learned to become more adequate in listening to myself; so that I know, somewhat more adequately than I used to, what I am feeling in any given moment ... One way of putting this is that I feel I have become more adequate in letting myself be what I am. It becomes easier for me to accept myself as a decidedly imperfect person, who by no means functions at all times in the way in which I would like to function. This must seem to some like a very strange direction in which to move. It seems to me to have value because the curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change." (p.17)
 
Milktoast Bandit said:
"THE CURIOUS PARADOX IS THAT WHEN I ACCEPT MYSELF JUST AS I AM, THEN I CHANGE."

I used to hate myself. Then I realized I was internalizing patterns from my upbringing. I was hating myself because I was taught that I was supposed to. So I stopped that shit and started growing.

From the book On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy.

Carl Rogers explains, "I find I am more effective when I can listen accepantly to myself, and can be myself. I feel that over the years I have learned to become more adequate in listening to myself; so that I know, somewhat more adequately than I used to, what I am feeling in any given moment ... One way of putting this is that I feel I have become more adequate in letting myself be what I am. It becomes easier for me to accept myself as a decidedly imperfect person, who by no means functions at all times in the way in which I would like to function. This must seem to some like a very strange direction in which to move. It seems to me to have value because the curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change." (p.17)
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This is so similar to "begin with what you are not"...


 
Happy Phantom said:
Because.
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Well I don't know how it is for most but certainly some of us have been there curb stomping ourselves for mistakes ect at one point or another however no one should feel down like this. Water under the bridge.
 
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