Anybody ever date a INTJ?

[Flavus Aquila]

INTJs seem to need constant sparring partner even in the romance department. However, they seem to prefer a balance of challenge and submissiveness in a partner. I'd say they seek understanding of their feelings and ideas from a partner they respect, though they don't need validation from that partner. They enjoy competitive discussion, but hate unproductive competition. They are highly independent and self motivated. However, they often shy away from stepping outside what they value for anyone.

I think compromise is harder for the INTJ because they are often certain and staunch in their judgments. They have a clear picture of what they want and how to achieve it. Anyone coming in to tell them what to do, how to feel, or what to think is not going to get very far. However, they may lose out on enjoying a strong personal and more emotionally intimate relationship with a partner because they are focused only on how things are understood to their own minds, or only on the practical or physical needs, and later neglect the emotional needs of their partner. This doesn't mean the INTJ does not have emotional depth. They just tend to be more selective about who gets to see that part of them.

INTJs seem to get their validation from within, from the logical, intuitive part of them which strategizes. They don't look outside for external validation. Rather, they look for affirmation. Unfortunately, this means when someone needs validation from them, they're reluctant to give it because it's not something they necessarily need from others to feel confident in their beliefs or decisions. They believe what they do regardless of what others think. This is likely why feelers can seem like complete fuzz balls to them, because emotions are things to be controlled, managed, and cordoned. They don't like being subject to another person's judgment. They don't see their feelings or emotions as existing for external observation or validation. In their mind, "my feelings, thoughts, and beliefs are my own. No one else's. No one gets to decide if they are ok, except me."

This is what I've learned about INTJs. I have family members who are XNTJs, so I've seen this all my life.

INTJs are the most independent of the 16 types. Relying on others, or accepting anything from others is sometimes difficult and we can go to absurd lengths to be entirely self sufficient, needing nothing from others. Being generous or helpful in a constructive sense (not in an indulgent sense) is far more in our comfort zone.

Dog people seldom are at ease with INTJs, whereas cat people can handle our independent untamable spirit.

 

[jessx48]

My INTJ relationship was pretty horrible to be honest, he couldn't understand why I felt so much or why everything I did was based on my feelings, we argued about it a lot because it made him mad that I put emotions over logic. We were AMAZING in the beginning, like best relationship I've ever had, was sure we'd get married, we ended up moving in together before I realized it wasn't going to work out. It was a full year and a half. He was a great guy, but he needed to take the time to learn and see things from my perspective, and care about my emotions, and he never did.

 

[Eventhorizon]

INTJs are the most independent of the 16 types. Relying on others, or accepting anything from others is sometimes difficult and we can go to absurd lengths to be entirely self sufficient, needing nothing from others. Being generous or helpful in a constructive sense (not in an indulgent sense) is far more in our comfort zone.

Dog people seldom are at ease with INTJs, whereas cat people can handle our independent untamable spirit.

Yes, independence is huge.

 

[highlighter]

I would not date an INTJ,

idk maybe an INTJ female would be different.....but I see them as far too ridged, and there Fi is very self focused. the only plus I could see which has been stated before would an INTJs view on sex which i assume would be not so emotional, ie not used as an emotional weapon/tactic as some females are known to do.

but out side of that I would not want to spend my my heart on someone who would not want to face emotional issues, or not really care for the state of my feelings.
out of all the rationals I HATE arguing with INTJs the most...there core conviction of life is "prove it" and I hate that. I can deal with core convictions that are of "truth" INTP or "possible" ENTPs but the whole "prove it" vs my "justice" seem to clash too much for a daily primary relationship.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

I would not date an INTJ,

idk maybe an INTJ female would be different.....but I see them as far too ridged, and there Fi is very self focused. the only plus I could see which has been stated before would an INTJs view on sex which i assume would be not so emotional, ie not used as an emotional weapon/tactic as some females are known to do.

but out side of that I would not want to spend my my heart on someone who would not want to face emotional issues, or not really care for the state of my feelings.
out of all the rationals I HATE arguing with INTJs the most...there core conviction of life is "prove it" and I hate that. I can deal with core convictions that are of "truth" INTP or "possible" ENTPs but the whole "prove it" vs my "justice" seem to clash too much for a daily primary relationship.

Fi isn't self centred, it's just not extroverted directly, but indirectly through the extroverted thinking and sensing. A perfectly planned candlelit dinner is the INTJ version of sweet talk.

The "prove it" is about evidence. Some theories are intriguing, but we like to see them as being able to function practically. Underwater cities are kind of cool as a concept, but they couldn't work in the world right now... But I'm willing to be proven wrong. (I'd like to be proven wrong because underwater cities would be very cool).

 

[ashishkk]

Just started seeing one. I don't know that I've ever had that pairing before (INFJ male, INTJ female). I'm digging it thus far, but it's been a few days. We generally agree on stuff, and when we don't we yell "thinker", "feeler" at each other. It's pretty cute...

Feedback please (if ya got it).

I think INFJ and INTJ can be the perfect couple. They have what they suppose to have and they find what they don't have in each other.

 

[cptawesome]

There are assertive INTJs.... INTJ-A vs INTJ-T.
vs

That's very intriguing. The INFJ sometimes types as an INTJ because they are able to see both sides of thinking and feeling which leaves with compromise. So I could see how the INFJ could be seen as INTJ-T. But the INTJ-A can be seen as a pain in the arse haha

 

[Flavus Aquila]

That's very intriguing. The INFJ sometimes types as an INTJ because they are able to see both sides of thinking and feeling which leaves with compromise. So I could see how the INFJ could be seen as INTJ-T. But the INTJ-A can be seen as a pain in the arse haha

What has consciousness of thoughts and feelings got to do with differentiating the types? Intuition borders on the subconscious, but as for the other stuff it's pretty indistinguishable that between INTJs and INFJs, the former try to bring about a rational order in their external activities, while the latter try to bring about a feeling.

The purple is a WTF moment and everything snowballs from there.

 

[cptawesome]

What has consciousness of thoughts and feelings got to do with differentiating the types? Intuition borders on the subconscious, but as for the other stuff it's pretty indistinguishable that between INTJs and INFJs, the former try to bring about a rational order in their external activities, while the latter try to bring about a feeling.

No no, in terms of types not individual thoughts and feelings.

 

[Ryso89]

One of my best friends of many years is INTJ. He and I get along better than anyone and have shared a lot of memories. He's also one of the only people in my life who I can connect with on an intellectual level.

The obvious elephant in the room is the F and T difference... and he and I have had heated arguments more than a few times on certain subjects. But overall the two types are a key in the lock fit. It works.

 

[14Sandals]

I'd rather not date an INTJ, male or female. At least not now.

Most of my friends in school were INTJs, some INFPs. I've seen INTJ+INFP work well, but the relationship took years to build. I was the closest thing to INFJ in our group, and also the most hopeless in relationships.

My best friend/ ex-boyfriend is an INTJ. We broke up due to differences in beliefs. I wanted to get married. He did not. I wanted a more romantic relationship. He was content being close friends. As best friends, we're perfect for each other. But if I throw in the hopeless romanticism and idealism that I bring to a romantic relationship, an INTJ would find it overwhelming, even annoying.