Anybody ever date a INTJ?

[acd]

No no no.. please don't neg her and pick up this bullshit advice.
Those relationships are founded on disrespect and clearly, dishonesty. If you have to pretend not to like someone to get them to be loving to you--what's the point? It's all a facade.. And it's more fun and satisfying to be able to fully express yourself and your feelings to someone and have them well received and reciprocated.

Just be yourself with her. Don't play these games. If you two have anything substantial, being yourself will be enough.

Sometimes that infatuation period passes once you really open up because the other person becomes more secure. That's a good thing. It's a step in building more.

Altering your behavior to keep someone in check is like a form of abuse. Negging, is abusive whether the person eats it up or not. It will still cause harm.

 

[Gaze]

No no no.. please don't neg her and pick up this bullshit advice.
Those relationships are founded on disrespect and clearly, dishonesty. If you have to pretend not to like someone to get them to be loving to you--what's the point? It's all a facade.. And it's more fun and satisfying to be able to fully express yourself and your feelings to someone and have them well received and reciprocated.

Just be yourself with her. Don't play these games. If you two have anything substantial, being yourself will be enough.

Sometimes that infatuation period passes once you really open up because the other person becomes more secure. That's a good thing. It's a step in building more.

Altering your behavior to keep someone in check is like a form of abuse. Negging, is abusive whether the person eats it up or not. It will still cause harm.

Completely agree.

 

[Rudy]

It's all about patience.

My (INFJ) need to constantly provide and my female INTJ counter part likes to be independent and not relying on having somebody do things for her. We discussed this at length. I've toned my need to do things, like cook dinner, etc and just gone with the flow (i.e. whatever she decides she wants to do).

I had a bit of trouble with this, but not too much. At first, when I would offer to do things for her, she would take it as some kind of insinuation that she wasn't capable of doing it herself, and I often had to explain that this was not the case. Now my INTJ is much more willing to accept my help, or let me do things for her, though the opportunities are sadly few and far between, as we have a LDR right now.

That also seems to be a trend that I've seen with the INTJ. She likes to call the shots, or at least think she's calling the shots. From my perspective, I'm fine with that if she's happy, because they are generally all little things. I'll be more inclined to express unhappiness or an opinion if it's a major issue.

Yeah, this is just one you'll have to learn to live with to some extent. Don't fight every battle, INTJs especially need to be right sometimes, and some things you should just let go. As I said earlier, this doesn't mean you should lie and say you agree when you don't, just that you should let opportunities for disagreement or argument drop sometimes.

Lastly, as an INFJ, I tend to move super fast. I'm starting to wonder if the INTJ is one of the slower moving people out there when it comes to romance and deciding that they are "in". I'm completely in love with her, and can't really do anything to tone it down. She's struggling because her feelings tend to develop slower and have to be part of a long, thought out process. My answer to this is that it's not a race and we don't have to figure out our lives right away. At the same time, I think it's built unnecessary pressure on her (INTJ) side because I clearly want things to work out so badly.

Yeah, this is definitely something I've seen, and had to adjust for. My INTJ likes to focus on things like a "reasonable" rate for feelings to develop, and was for a while often reminding me how short a time we'd been together, and so it didn't make sense to feel so intensely, things like that. We're past that now, for which I'm glad, but for a while I definitely had to restrain myself in expressing affection and such. It was definitely worth the outcome, though; Now that my INTJ has accepted the emotions involved, she's very open and affectionate with me.

So, I'd say it's worth it, but you do have to be patient.

 

[Atlas]

ive never dated an intj girl, but my best friend is an intj and his wife is convinced that we're gay together, does that count? :mjedib:

 

[Moxie]

My boyfriend is an INTJ. We get along awesomely. It'll be two years in March.

 

[Storm]

I'm starting to think that most women respond to this. When I was half in/still figuring out my current girlfriend, she was all into me. Once I fell for her and was "in" all the way, she got scared and backed away. I'm starting to think it's time to work on my "negging". What do you all think? It's an interesting discussion point at least...

This is a horrible idea. If she's smart, she'll drop you as soon as she sees this kind of bullshit being played. INTJs aren't easily suckered into "games," and that's what you'd be doing. It would be a relationship based on dishonesty and power struggles. Gross.

I think she probably backed away because you might have come on too strong once you were "in." 6 weeks is not a very long time (or 2 months now). She probably wants to do things slow before letting her walls drop entirely.

 

[InTheWomblikeCocoon]

Hey guys i'm new here, first post! I'm also an INTJ with strong I,T,J and mildly strong N (70%)

I think for an INTJ it is not the fact that we dont like emotional topics. Infact i love talking about relationships because the possibilites are endless and its definantly one of the more complicated topics to explain thoroughly.

For me, i have a hard time trusting people. It is very easy for me to see your intentions the first time I meet you. People often think that we are aloof and don't see their intentions, which can be hurtful and misguided, but we see them crystal clear.

Try to be flaky with me, or undependable and i'll simply stop talking to you. We OVERreact to people hurting us. It really breaks us because we set such high standards for ourselves, we think through our date with you, or our meeting with you over and over and over again. Then if we are fooled, maybe you didn't like me after all or worse, you played me, we are broken. All that thought has failed, and so then, has our system. It takes many years to repair it or for another person to come along and repair it or reinforce that we were correct in the first place. So we put up walls and let in only the very few who have shown their trustworthyness to us.

In the beginning, most INTJs to try and work these relationship failures out. But its so taxing on us because most other personalitiy types don't argue/reason logically in an "emotional" argument. And that causes us to just go haywire.

We really dont mind carrying the world on our shoulders, but we hate when people come and abuse that kind of steadyness and dependability. I think thats why we aren't very good at emotional outbreaks.

I will be an arrogant arsehole and state that I do not get hurt in relationships because someone has not reached my expectations; I get annoyed because I wasted my time. There are very, VERY few people who can get me to consider being in a relationship with them, and when it happens, I like to know that I knew what I was getting myself into. I cannot stand games, trickery, and meaningless flirting. I would rather not be in a relationship than to be in one that is going nowhere. I do agree with the statement you made about people taking advantage of the stability we have. To me it seems as if they know what to expect of us when they get to know us, so they try to test out our patience with games. I do reach a point however, when I get utterly tired of you. I wait it out and see what will happen. If you fuck it up once, I give you the benefit of the doubt because most people lack the insight to understand and practice fidelity. However once I dump your ass, I lose all interest, and there is NO possibility of reviving the relationship, at all.

 

[Storm]

I will be an arrogant arsehole and state that I do not get hurt in relationships because someone has not reached my expectations; I get annoyed because I wasted my time. There are very, VERY few people who can get me to consider being in a relationship with them, and when it happens, I like to know that I knew what I was getting myself into. I cannot stand games, trickery, and meaningless flirting. I would rather not be in a relationship than to be in one that is going nowhere. I do agree with the statement you made about people taking advantage of the stability we have. To me it seems as if they know what to expect of us when they get to know us, so they try to test out our patience with games. I do reach a point however, when I get utterly tired of you. I wait it out and see what will happen. If you fuck it up once, I give you the benefit of the doubt because most people lack the insight to understand and practice fidelity. However once I dump your ass, I lose all interest, and there is NO possibility of reviving the relationship, at all.

Whoa, sounds like you've been hurt a lot. Most people don't cheat. I've never been cheated on, at least. If someone is cheating on you, it's a sign things to need. No need to get all righteous about it.

 

[InTheWomblikeCocoon]

Whoa, sounds like you've been hurt a lot. Most people don't cheat. I've never been cheated on, at least. If someone is cheating on you, it's a sign things to need. No need to get all righteous about it.

It is really funny, but actually, I have NEVER had a relationship, and I am still a virgin. But I know people who have been cheated on, and it does make me weary.

 

[P3ngu!n]

Well, being an INTJ myself, and I can confidently say that my relationships either don't last long and end abruptly. I found myself madly in love with one of my boyfriends, but he didn't feel the same about me or didn't know or admit it because I'm convinced he's an INTJ also. I agree a lot with DevinLight about myself and relationships. I do have a VERY difficult time trusting people, and tend to not open up to anyone until I've known them for several months. Usually I find myself disappointed by potential matches in one way or another. Typically I am disgusted by society's standards of the physical aspect of a relationship and how most men try to stick to that standard.

 

[Storm]

It is really funny, but actually, I have NEVER had a relationship, and I am still a virgin. But I know people who have been cheated on, and it does make me weary.

Aw, then let me tell you something. All those rules go right out the window once the real thing happens.

 

[Nightwatch]

I have, on and off for about a year and a half.

He inspired and taught me to use parts of my brain I'm not accustomed to and I inspired him to take a different approach to dealing with people.

It was interesting that we were both so different, kept it fresh and all of that jazz.

In the end, we couldn't make it work because our approaches to life were so wildly incompatible. I go with the flow and improvise my way through life, and thrive on this. He is set in his ways and structured and it got to the point where he became very critical of the way I lived my life (even of what my personal beliefs or lack there of were) because he just wanted a woman who "made sense."


But it wasn't the worst experience in dating I've had.

Wow, the exact same thing happened to me with my ex..! in my case "very critical" would be a much too nice way of putting it. Though it was intense, olala. When its good its good....

 

[WaeV]

Typically I am disgusted by society's standards of the physical aspect of a relationship and how most men try to stick to that standard.

I agree with this, though I wouldn't say 'disgusted' so much as 'indifferent'. Somewhere in between the two. The biggest problem comes from society's general impression that all men behave that way.

 

[yepunsarang]

I have a quick question for you INTJ guys...you say you can see through people crystal clear and figure them out at first meeting...BUT could you say the same thing for us, complex, INfJs?

 

[Shai Gar]

INTJs can't even honestly say it for ENTPs.

 

[PSchickadee]

This is an interesting thread indeed. I'm married to an INTJ, have been for over 5 years, and together 7. The way they are described here is pretty right-on, and I know mine had some serious communication issues at first. But- back then it was cute because we were both socially handicapped . Having the benefit of dual-analysis on all our interactions with outsiders (that means you guys ), we've gotten a bit better over the years...

Yes, don't play games with INTJs, but I also don't like mind games, so that probably goes double for INFJ chicks!

 

[VH]

I have a quick question for you INTJ guys...you say you can see through people crystal clear and figure them out at first meeting...BUT could you say the same thing for us, complex, INfJs?

I have INTJ friends, and I am a constant source of fascination for them. Also, all of them have later admitted to me that I am very little what they assumed.

...that said, my INTJs are some of the most impressive people readers I've ever met. They seem to have a few blind spots that I cover very well and vice versa.

 

[PSchickadee]

Von Hase (and yepunsarang) while you mention it... my hubby totally misread me when we met too; he didn't even want my phone #! Who got the last laugh, eh?

 

[yepunsarang]

hahaha PSchickadee! Hilarious...
I've had an INTJ friend tell me the how I'm limitlessly fascinating---
Except this one INTJ guy I've been eying lately seem to be so used to being able to read people like books, that he thinks it pertains to me too. It makes me smirk.
But I hope he can realize that I'm "interesting" soon~

 

[WaeV]

I have a quick question for you INTJ guys...you say you can see through people crystal clear and figure them out at first meeting...BUT could you say the same thing for us, complex, INfJs?

As well as most people, I think. Those who I have a hard time figuring out don't really fit one type, or even a range.