Anyone does cognitive reframing?

Miro said:
I do this a lot especially when I'm in a bad situation or something happened that I didn't like. I see pros and cons of each situation and it always make me feel better. Like I see opportunities in bad situations and events. Do you also do this too?
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Yes, tiringly so. By and by it comes automatically. It's no longer a conscious activity but more like an immediate epiphany.
 
I’m not sure if I intentionally reframe things, but my mind does tend to move toward the silver linings automatically.

Husband has to work more hours? That will make the time I DO get to spend with him that much more exciting.

Infant is teething? Wouldn’t it be cute if he got his first teeth just in time for Christmas so I can say all he wanted for Christmas was his two front teeth?

MIL is being a bear before Christmas? Fine by me. More confirmation I did the right thing when I gave her the door slam...

Ignoring a lot of the negative reality in my life might be doing myself a disservice though because I’m not really grounding myself or dealing with things that *actually* bother me in the moment, and then I have a mini mental breakdown every couple months so... I don’t know if my way is the best way.

Definitely something to think about.
 
Yep, I do it all the time. It seems like it's just automatic for me. Every time something goes against me I just tend to focus on the positives immediately or change my train of thought to positivity.

I will admit it is not healthy for me in the slightest but it's really strange that my entire self goes into the defence mode of remaining positive or getting back to positivity. I guess it's just not in my nature... I dunno I'm an oddball :|
 
Sounds like some introverted thinking self-gaslighting to me.

When I see something inconsistent or dysfunctional, I start applying pressure to change it. An INTJ architect's work is never done.
 
Sometimes Yeah said:
Sounds like some introverted thinking self-gaslighting to me.
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It's important to realize that multiple, equally valid interpretations of objective reality can exist simultaneously. Is this a candlestick or two profiles?

candlestick-face.jpg


It is both. You can choose whichever one you want and be correct.
 
Korg said:
It's important to realize that multiple, equally valid interpretations of objective reality can exist simultaneously. Is this a candlestick or two profiles?

candlestick-face.jpg


It is both. You can choose whichever one you want and be correct.
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The only point you make is that subjective interpretation of objective reality is arbitrary and achieves nothing objective. While you ponder whether you want to see two faces, a candlestick, or both, I'd instead question if you have more important things to do with your time.
 
Sometimes Yeah said:
The only point you make is that subjective interpretation of objective reality is arbitrary and achieves nothing objective. While you ponder whether you want to see two faces, a candlestick, or both, I'd instead question if you have more important things to do with your time.
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The point is that some interpretations of events are more empowering than others and knowing how to choose them is a hard skill. It's hardly gaslighting.
 
Sometimes Yeah said:
Sounds like some introverted thinking self-gaslighting to me.
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This is pretty much my gut reaction.

'Cognitive reframing' seems anti-truth; it seems like denial, repression and toxic positivity.

Still, it might be better to accept that it might have a net-positive value for certain kinds of personality.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
This is pretty much my gut reaction.

'Cognitive reframing' seems anti-truth; it seems like denial, repression and toxic positivity.

Still, it might be better to accept that it might have a net-positive value for certain kinds of personality.
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Maybe we have a different understanding of what it means.


Let's say you get laid off from your job during a particularly difficult time. Is your interpretation:

1. I'm a failure, my family will suffer, I'm worthless

2. I'm resourceful, my family will thrive, I'm amazing

Is choosing the second cognitive reframing? Or toxic positivity somehow?
 
Korg said:
Maybe we have a different understanding of what it means.


Let's say you get laid off from your job during a particularly difficult time. Is your interpretation:

1. I'm a failure, my family will suffer, I'm worthless

2. I'm resourceful, my family will thrive, I'm amazing

Is choosing the second cognitive reframing? Or toxic positivity somehow?
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This is a strawman.

What I would object to is a response like this:

This is fine, in fact it's an opportunity!


I think that 'negative' life events need to be acknowledged for what they are, and if one feels aggrieved, disappointed, or sad, then this ought to be experienced.

Avoiding proper emotional catharsis is typically counterproductive and saves up all kinds of issues in the future.

No matter how flowery the language, countercathetic psychological coping mechanisms will tend to have the same disastrous long-term results.
 
There's a time for everything. When something negative like loss happens, we will immediately feel like everything is negative. However both feelings and circumstance blow over. To me, what reframing does is to give yourself sometime to process your own grief without acting in ways that could aggravate the situation. Step back a bit. Try to rationally see the situation for what it is. I don't mean to shelve the feelings down the throat. Let the feelings be there and acknowledge them but try not to act up more because of them.

I think there's more room for healing and positive growth whenever there are lesser damages. This is most important in situations that deal with other people's emotions. Some things we can't take back so it's important that we know exactly what we're thinking about. Cognitive reframing gives us perspectives that could allow us to better understand the situation, especially when it involves others.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
This is a strawman.

What I would object to is a response like this:

This is fine, in fact it's an opportunity!


I think that 'negative' life events need to be acknowledged for what they are, and if one feels aggrieved, disappointed, or sad, then this ought to be experienced.

Avoiding proper emotional catharsis is typically counterproductive and saves up all kinds of issues in the future.

No matter how flowery the language, countercathetic psychological coping mechanisms will tend to have the same disastrous long-term results.
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I wholeheartedly agree. I automatically assess all aspects of any given situation and if there is a positive to be gained, then great. But if it's a crappy situation, then it needs to be acknowledged as such. Going through a break up can be positive in many ways; learning more about yourself, removing you from a bad situation, giving you freedom to pursue better things. But the break up still sucks and still has to be grieved.
 
Cognitive reframing is good for when you are stuck, it's not good when you are jumping over valuable steps.
Where people get stuck and what is valuable will be different for the individual.
 
mintoots said:
Step back a bit. Try to rationally see the situation for what it is. I don't mean to shelve the feelings down the throat. Let the feelings be there and acknowledge them but try not to act up more because of them.
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Right. I'm not talking about emotional suppression.

I was working from OP's definition of it: "I see pros and cons of each situation and it always make me feel better. Like I see opportunities in bad situations and events."

To me, that means not allowing oneself to become so overwhelmed with emotion that you're only able to see negative outcomes. You don't suppress anything. You simply fit it into a more holistic perspective, I guess.
 
Korg said:
Right. I'm not talking about emotional suppression.

I was working from OP's definition of it: "I see pros and cons of each situation and it always make me feel better. Like I see opportunities in bad situations and events."

To me, that means not allowing oneself to become so overwhelmed with emotion that you're only able to see negative outcomes. You don't suppress anything. You simply fit it into a more holistic perspective, I guess.
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I believe we may be of a similar perspective. Your visual argument (faces or goblets) drives a good point.


Wyote said:
Where people get stuck and what is valuable will be different for the individual.
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It is. I think our actions are also good indicators of where we're stuck.

One black hole of this approach is the overthinking drive it puts one in. I am usually susceptible to paralysis by analysis because of this.
 
I didn't learn to do it until recently.

I'm the kind of person who imagines the worst possible outcome and then imagines less terrible outcomes instead of thinking of neutral or positive possibilities.

Thinking at ALL positively takes some brute force on my part. I accept that certain people are more genetically inclined to have depressive thoughts. It's not impossible, it just goes against what is a natural reaction to a situation. I'm happy to be aware nowadays that I tend to have a kneejerk negative overreaction to certain things.

I just want to vent that I went to therapy for about 6 years and my doctor never taught me any mental techniques to deal with anxiety. Grrrrrr...
 
Miro said:
I do this a lot especially when I'm in a bad situation or something happened that I didn't like. I see pros and cons of each situation and it always make me feel better. Like I see opportunities in bad situations and events. Do you also do this too?
Click to expand...

Yes.

I also view my life in the third person when making life decisions and view myself as someone else so I'm not emotionally involved. Friends have called this "creepy".
 
Miro said:
I do this a lot especially when I'm in a bad situation or something happened that I didn't like. I see pros and cons of each situation and it always make me feel better. Like I see opportunities in bad situations and events. Do you also do this too?
Click to expand...
Yes, and be careful. This tendency leads to something which is newly being called, Crap Fitting. Codependent people often do this to make a bad situation more manageable, so they don’t have to grow, change, move on or get out of their comfort zones.
Not saying you’re doing that. Just a little PSA.
 
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