Appropriate means of communication

[the]

I feel confused. would y'all prefer a break-up over the phone vs. a break-up by text, or a break-up over the phone vs. a break-up in person?

In addition to what's been said

Difficult situations usually have people asking questions, wanting to know the details, and wanting to understand. This tends to be easiest to accomplish via face to face discussion. Messages can be read to their fullest (body languages, words, tone of voice, etc.), the person is right there and accessible, we may be able to speak for as long as is needed, miscommunications can be cleared up on the spot, and so on.

It is confusing, which is why I subscribe to the " you get what you get method". Whatever I decide to do is all you get. If I am breaking up I don't care about your closure or your feelings to be honest. We are through! Get over it! Can the lack of f2f communication be any clearer to you?

thats my feelings anyways.

 

[Soulful]

It is confusing, which is why I subscribe to the " you get what you get method". Whatever I decide to do is all you get. If I am breaking up I don't care about your closure or your feelings to be honest. We are through! Get over it! Can the lack of f2f communication be any clearer to you?

thats my feelings anyways.

wow, harsh!
I am so glad we are not breaking up.

I don't know. Unless the relationship ended with me thinking the partner was horrendous, I am going to want to spare them every bit of pain I can. After all, they are human, they have feelings, and I did care about them at one point and likely very deeply, so why not extend them the courtesy of a conversation that honours what we had and who we are?

I don't know if I go out of my way to take care of the needs of others, and if I assume too much responsibility in that respect (which is not healthy or helpful for anyone). But a little sensitivity can go a long way, and I like to finish things off on peaceful and positive notes.

 

[bionic]

I feel confused. would y'all prefer a break-up over the phone vs. a break-up by text, or a break-up over the phone vs. a break-up in person?

In addition to what's been said

Difficult situations usually have people asking questions, wanting to know the details, and wanting to understand. This tends to be easiest to accomplish via face to face discussion. Messages can be read to their fullest (body languages, words, tone of voice, etc.), the person is right there and accessible, we may be able to speak for as long as is needed, miscommunications can be cleared up on the spot, and so on.

I agree with this too, definitely adds more necessary details to my opinion. ^


I'd put it in this order if I had to choose:
Break-up in person > Break-up over phone > Break-up over text


^ That's how I'd prefer it overall. But of course, opinion just never fits with the reality of a situation, lol.

@bionic - Oooops, didn't mean to make that sound like I was saying you were calling me a coward. D:

It's kay. I understand you~~~~~~

 

[CindyLou]

wow, harsh!
I am so glad we are not breaking up.

I don't know. Unless the relationship ended with me thinking the partner was horrendous, I am going to want to spare them every bit of pain I can. After all, they are human, they have feelings, and I did care about them at one point and likely very deeply, so why not extend them the courtesy of a conversation that honours what we had and who we are?

I don't know if I go out of my way to take care of the needs of others, and if I assume too much responsibility in that respect (which is not healthy or helpful for anyone). But a little sensitivity can go a long way, and I like to finish things off on peaceful and positive notes.

I agree. It hurts me to hurt others, especially someone I cared about at one point. It's in my best interest to consider their feelings. I'm in a way considering my own too.

Withholding closure from someone creates baggage they have to carry into another relationship because it makes it difficult for them to move on. IMO doing that is borderline abusive. Someone should be able to get closure with any type of communication though. I do not think that a letter or a text is withholding closure. Someone might find it distasteful or not personal, but it's still communication. You can respond over the phone and you can respond to an email or a text with any questions you might have.

 

[Soulful]

I agree. It hurts me to hurt others, especially someone I cared about at one point. It's in my best interest to consider their feelings. I'm in a way considering my own too.

Withholding closure from someone creates baggage they have to carry into another relationship because it makes it difficult for them to move on. IMO doing that is borderline abusive. Someone should be able to get closure with any type of communication though. I do not think that a letter or a text is withholding closure. Someone might find it distasteful or not personal, but it's still communication. You can respond over the phone and you can respond to an email or a text with any questions you might have.

Yes, this exactly!

 

[AhSver]

Unresolved emotions can really bring a person down. As well as mixed signals and keeping another person hanging, waiting..
I think it's best to never give oneself to anyone away completely. . A person has to be always prepared, having one's own happiness not depended on anyone else under any circumstances. In case the worst happens right away the life needs to start over again, from scratch. Everything needs to get buried, locked up, conclusions made to never go back for anything that might still feel as missing.. Have to be rational. Kill the pain. Kill all the sprouts that took place in your soul, treat them like weeds.. Gotta rip it all off as fast as possible and move on. Better run away for sometime, away from the habitat that was previously known only in one way. This is no longer home.. Sometimes it takes rebuilding one's own character from scratch. Unfortunately, almost everyone has to go through an experience of that kind and it's important to learn the ropes right off, have the survival mechanisms tuned and in check.
I used to be very emotional, very loving and selfless.. Too many times before I had to go through this with pain and agony, persistent sickness with inability to sleep, eat, live to the point that a person who I was is long time dead now and I am just the sprout of that other, clearer, kinder, majestic being. A little more than a shadow of my former self.. At least now I know that I am strong, self-sustained. I knew love and it was beautiful and knowing it once is enough and way better than not knowing it all. This memory needs to be cherished as it made me human. . I was in such deep darkness, one more step and I would not be here due to my weakness and inability to cope. And yet I am here, wise, cold and strong. I could be a warrior or I could be a priest because I am complete.
Women have a gift of creation and they also have a deep gift of a curse of destruction that not every man can withstand. Worse then wars or killing. Almost like having this woman in a way becoming your mother (in an abstract way, not quite Freudian) and much more than that as she nourishes and loves you unconditionally, makes you tame, gives you peace, gives you satisfaction.. and then she as easily can take it all away. Which feels as the ultimate rejection. As being expelled from heaven, God, having no longer a purpose in life.. That could be too much to handle.
Thus a man needs to be careful.