Being a member of a group, but not part of it.

[jn56uytrx]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hostile_media_effect

Possibly something similar in your case?

This seems an odd reference given the context. If you are questioning whether the original poster sees in group perception of them what they expect to see because they have a particular self-view, then I would say for myself this is likely true to a large degree.

 

[Eniko]

I've felt like this, but I realize there are certain groups I do fit in with. In one case the anime community was something that I tried fitting into, I thought it was something that would fit and mesh with who I am. Inevitably I realized that I was trying to force a square peg through a round hole, and that the people I felt most comfortable with in the anime scene were just as much one foot in, one foot out as I was.

I realized that the best you can do is just to be yourself and hope it works. Sometimes it will, sometimes it won't, but you can never force it. And when it doesn't it's rarely anyone's fault. Why waste energy on feeling like an outsider, instead of just moving on to greener pastures if it doesn't feel right?

 

[jn56uytrx]

Why waste energy on feeling like an outsider, instead of just moving on to greener pastures if it doesn't feel right?

I think I get what you're saying here in that it's not the best use of energy to stay where you don't have a fit, however, I did want to offer an answer to the second part of your question.

An attitude that casually accepts moving on in search of the "greener pastures" may leave someone perpetually on the move searching for a mythically green pasture while never developing the skills to maneuver inevitable difficulties within any social relationship.

I do think sometimes moving on is best, however I also personally think the moving on in hopes of something "greener" should only be done after careful self examination about how realistic one's expectations are and if possibly the change is more effectively made within rather than without.

 

[laurie]

When I was about 15, I was part of this young film club. I just could not relate to anyone there. I was always skilled and knowledgeable at what I did so I always had something to say if someone asked me but I struggled immensely with the whole group thing at that time. Those were very hard years but they were necessary for me to grow and get better.

...And what you wrote wasn't nonsense, I understood it, so it must have been legible!

Glad you could understand it XD When I read back through it didn't sound much like it was supposed to.

It's like that a lot of the time in college for me, with big groups and classes, so I get that ^^" one thing that consistently comes up in reports is that I'm very quiet and could contribute more. I think younger teenage years are harder ^^" you're less grounded or something, right?

 

[Eniko]

I think I get what you're saying here in that it's not the best use of energy to stay where you don't have a fit, however, I did want to offer an answer to the second part of your question.

An attitude that casually accepts moving on in search of the "greener pastures" may leave someone perpetually on the move searching for a mythically green pasture while never developing the skills to maneuver inevitable difficulties within any social relationship.

I do think sometimes moving on is best, however I also personally think the moving on in hopes of something "greener" should only be done after careful self examination about how realistic one's expectations are and if possibly the change is more effectively made within rather than without.

I did think of this after I posted it. I'm not saying that sometimes you can't be undermining yourself in fitting in somewhere, and that you should move on in those cases. But when it's not working it's just not working.

 

[jn56uytrx]

I did think of this after I posted it. I'm not saying that sometimes you can't be undermining yourself in fitting in somewhere, and that you should move on in those cases. But when it's not working it's just not working.

Yeah, I'm guilty of both abandoning ship before really understanding my motives and expectations, but then also of staying on a ship far longer than may have been in the best interest of captain and crew. It's hard to know where the line is, but I did think the need to consider both sides worth mentioning.