Being friendly :)

soulseeker

soulseeker

Permanent Fixture
MBTI
INFJ
Hello :)

I'm a shy person but when I enter a room full of strangers, I always try to make new friends (not in malls hehe :) in places where I know I'll see them everyday like classrooms and workplace, etc.).

So, I don't really approach someone and talk to them because I find it awkward. I just smile and talk to my seatmates. There are others who would smile back and talk but there are others who don't.

I'm not really a happy person but I guess it becomes automatic that when I go out in public, I appear to be happy. I always put on a smiley face :) :)

I'm just afraid people might misinterpret my being friendly with flirting. I smile and talk to both girls and guys and for me it's okay but people there have groups of friends and girls are separated with boys. I do have my own group of girl friends but my seat is far from them so I make new friends and I hope I don't get misunderstood.

I see it this way: in the place where I stay, most people think that when girls and boys talk, there's always something compared to when girls talk to girls and boys talk to boys.

*we all come from all boys/girls schools so most of us find it awkward to talk to the opposite sex but I just really want to be friendly.

I smile at people A LOT. There's this one girl I smiled at the other day and she didn't even smile back :( she just got her cellphone and texted :(


do you think being friendly is okay? or is it better to not appear to be happy all the time?
 
soulseeker said:
Hello :)

I'm a shy person but when I enter a room full of strangers, I always try to make new friends (not in malls hehe :) in places where I know I'll see them everyday like classrooms and workplace, etc.).

So, I don't really approach someone and talk to them because I find it awkward. I just smile and talk to my seatmates. There are others who would smile back and talk but there are others who don't.

I'm not really a happy person but I guess it becomes automatic that when I go out in public, I appear to be happy. I always put on a smiley face :) :)

I'm just afraid people might misinterpret my being friendly with flirting. I smile and talk to both girls and guys and for me it's okay but people there have groups of friends and girls are separated with boys. I do have my own group of girl friends but my seat is far from them so I make new friends and I hope I don't get misunderstood.

I see it this way: in the place where I stay, most people think that when girls and boys talk, there's always something compared to when girls talk to girls and boys talk to boys.

*we all come from all boys/girls schools so most of us find it awkward to talk to the opposite sex but I just really want to be friendly.

I smile at people A LOT. There's this one girl I smiled at the other day and she didn't even smile back :( she just got her cellphone and texted :(


do you think being friendly is okay? or is it better to not appear to be happy all the time?
Click to expand...

sounds exactly like me ;) well, I love being friendly too! just not too ,much though, then it gets tiring :/ but for most part I love being friendly and can talk to anyone and everyone that I feel like talking to if I'm in the mood !
 
I work in a cafe, and I used to be super friendly to customers (joking around, smiling a lot, etc), but unfortunately when it came to men (young and old), they constantly took it the wrong way... You'd do something innocent, and then they'd start flirting with you. So I had to learn to still be nice but not really "friendly", cause it can be easily confused with flirting
 
I think it is more about acting appropriately then being friendly. Be friendly, cold, rude, funny, happy - when appropriate.
 
It is not always easy for every person you interact with to differentiate between friendly discourse and romantic interest. I wouldn't let this hamper your attempts at being friendly with those around you, just remember that reality checks are sometimes necessary for those hopeless romantics.
 
it is very important to be friendly. one never knows who is havin' a rough day. just a smile could bring a little sunshine to her life. <3
 
soulseeker said:
Hello

I'm a shy person but when I enter a room full of strangers,
I always try to make new friends (not in malls hehe in places where I know I'll see them everyday like classrooms and workplace, etc.).
Click to expand...


soulseeker said:
So, I don't really approach someone and talk to them because I find it awkward.
I just smile and talk to my seatmates.
There are others who would smile back and talk but there are others who don't.
Click to expand...


soulseeker said:
I'm not really a happy person but I guess it becomes automatic that when I go out in public, I appear to be happy.
I always put on a smiley face

I'm just afraid people might misinterpret my being friendly with flirting.
I smile and talk to both girls and guys and for me it's okay but people there have groups of friends and girls are separated with boys.
I do have my own group of girl friends but my seat is far from them so I make new friends and I hope I don't get misunderstood.
Click to expand...

Here in lies the rub with `being' ANYTHING ... including `friendly'.
There's the `being' going on in the mind of the intender and generator of overt behavior.
Then there is the `being' going on in the mind of all the beholders using ones overt behavior as ink blots which allow them to interpret what or who you ARE and what you are-qua-ARE being qua BEING?
You think your `being' friendly ... and one ore more around you `think' you are `being' flirtatious, pretentious ... whatever theme they apperceive and attribute to you as intentional.

soulseeker said:
I see it this way: in the place where I stay, most people think that when girls and boys talk,
there's always something compared to when girls talk to girls and boys talk to boys.
Click to expand...

There you have it.
A ready made scheme of interpretation up and running in the herd/mob/clique/group.
Group dynamics in action.
If you DO/Behave in a way WE interpret as _____ the we will respond as-if, regardless of what you intend.

soulseeker said:
*we all come from all boys/girls schools so most of us find it awkward to talk to the opposite sex but I just really want to be friendly.

I smile at people A LOT.
There's this one girl I smiled at the other day and she didn't even smile back she just got her cellphone and texted
Click to expand...

Had she smiled back someone might have interpretted your exchange of smiles as something she wanted to avoid.

soulseeker said:
do you think being friendly is okay?
or is it better to not appear to be happy all the time?
Click to expand...

As I already mentioned `being' friendly as beheld from YOUR side of the fence can `be' unilaterally made to correspond-to or translate-into `being friendly' in the eye/mind of each and every necessarily subjective beholder.

If you'd like to think about this topic in a more accurate way I'd advise you re-think this in behavioristic terms.
You can `behave'/act and present stimuli.
You can't unilaterally cause or make another interpret your behavior as `friendly'.
 
Being friendly is not okay. And are you smiling menacingly? That could also be misunderstood.

As for appearing to be happy all the time... why? Being friendly in public isn't a crime, especially if it's in your personality. There's no reason to second guess yourself unless you're putting on an act, in which case that is your choice. If you're just looking to be polite and make friends, what are you worried about? Yes, a happy appearance can have a positive impact on those around you. Yes, some people will smile back and perhaps even give you a conversation. Not everyone is going to smile back because not everyone smiles all the time and acts as you do. Some people are more shy, uninterested in reaching out to other people, or maybe even just haven't had a good day.

Do as you will.
 
soulseeker said:
do you think being friendly is okay? or is it better to not appear to be happy all the time?
Click to expand...

Of course being friendly is okay, as long as it's genuine and you recognize that it may not be returned. Appearing happy all the time is not, because it's deception and will utimately make you unhappier since humans have a strong need to maintain internal consistency. It's also not good to deliberately set out be a pain in the neck either or publicly wallow. Stay away from the extremes.
 
Aww. I know if you smiled at me, it would probably make my day.

Being friendly is important, but if you don't consider yourself a happy person, it's okay to be a grouch sometimes too. :tongue: Let your emotions out as they are. If you enjoy smiling, then smile! There will always be that someone who smiles back, despite all the others.
 
Be who you are, not who you think you should be.
Smiles are always good and happiness is a great place to be but it doesn't mean you should force yourself to be that way all the time.
 
Being freindly is ok if you can keep it going.

It is like a Christmas card list. Recipients will begin to expect a card every year.
Trying to maintain freindliness throughout my day is tiresome.

Of course, I wish I could pull it off. I just don't have the stamina for it.

I prefer to appear polite, competent and uncommitted.
People wear me out and are pretty much self-centered.

Being too freindly can create problems. People will begin to form expectations of you.
Expectations can turn into obligations.
Obligations have to be dealt with.

I don't want to deal with expectations from casual aquaintances.
I invest my freindliness energy on the few close freinds I have.
Take Care, Fergie :m145:
 
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