Bullying & Cyberbullying

[JGirl]

What do you think bullying is? what causes a bully to be a bully?
bullying is the act of someone with a very low self esteem trying to knock another person down to their level.

What do you think cyber bullying is? how is it different than bullying in the physical realm?
cyber bullying is even more cowardly than real life bullying because there is the anonymity and lack of accountability for what one says.

When does self defence against bullying become bullying? How would this look in the online realm?
the best self defense is to remove yourself from the situation. if you react in kind you are no different than the bully. it's easiest online because you can just click off the page, or choose not to read posts from bullying people.

How is a dispute different than bullying?
a dispute has two sides. any personal slamming is bullying.

Do you think adults can still be bullies? what causes an adult to be a bully?
absolutely. the worst kind. self esteem issues are to blame for all bullying.

Can adults cyberbully other adults?
sure

Would you lose respect for a friend if you found out they were bullying someone, even someone you didn't like?
i wouldn't have a friend who bullied people.

Have you ever been bullied? how as it affected you?
yes, all through my childhood. it devastated me, to put it mildly.

have you ever been a bully? why?
no i have never bullied anyone. i have no desire to lessen someone else to make myself feel superior.

 

[the]

Bully for you!

 

[knight in battle]

The best INFJ response is avoidance, as is the best response for anyone. (Of course, this is a result of having disputed with people, where there was obviously no productivity going on.) The only problem arises when the INFJ sympathizes with, wants to relate to, and desires the approval/affirmation of the bully, which he/she is very capable of doing. But the optimal way to handle the situation is, again, avoidance.

 

[detectivepope]

I will possibly have a unpopular view. I like it. Not because of its immediate result but from its over all positive, strength. Now I have been bullied to the point some could say past bullying in some respects but I still can't fault its result of endurance, drive and making one socially robust. I later grew to bully the bullies then dominate but I am still fair and treat those sort of people the same as victims (respect). My best friend is a traditional jock bully; large, loud, sport obsessed, crude and (too a lesser extent than school) cruel but for all his follies he just can't see it from the other perspective of been bullied as a bad thing, this because he was bullied. I'm not saying it is a good thing to bully the weak (which he agrees) its just that being bullied gives you that harder edge, this I feel is more a male thing.
I am a INFJ which traditionally wouldn't do half of the things I do, but I have it conditioned out (the parts I see as negative anyway) to get what I want. One example is not being good with change ,so I change things on purpose often now I'm much better with it (the feelings remain except I don't panic or flip out). Another being the folly of never talking to people unless you see a purpose, I do it then worry. Both examples originated in a form of bullying directed toward myself.
Also name calling to me is worthless, I now tell people off demanding they try harder if they wish to insult (which for most is enough to give up). Also agreeing with them then upping it, then making light of their lack of intellect, then saying they are "alright" and finally laughing at them super annoys people (for reference on such a thing , watch Rodney Dangerfield, classic example). One I love doing if I get something in the streets is saying things like "don't worry, you can use big boy pants one day" or "awwww he's trying" but in a genuine way, not sarcastic ever. I think one thing that helps is no one has guns here, no 'big man cause I have a gun' complex.

Finally I do believe is its not for everyone, but I can't empathise, sorry.

 

[dandan]

detectivepope, your friend (and perhaps you?) should get some advice, it sounds like he might need it. what you're talking about is resillience, and we all have a certain degree of it in order to be able to survive social contexts and situations. bullying (especially in the workplace, but also in other contexts) is when someone does something to a target that the target does not like, and it makes him/her distressed emotionally, psychologically, physically ... the thing that the bully does to the target may be something that others find nothing wrong with; this does not matter - it is the effect on the target that does! It sounds from your post that your friend lacks empathy (and you conclude that you can't empathise either!) - if so, this is worrisome, since lack of empathy is a significant sign in identifying a sociopath. if this is so, then it might help him and his targets (they are not called 'victims') to do something about it. bullies generally lack empathy, they don't feel remorse, and are cunning in how they explain and legitimise their behaviour towards others. my personal view is that lack of empathy makes a bully less than human, since empathy is vital to all that contribute positively to maintaining a healthy and safe society: tolerance, understanding, forgiveness, sense of security, belonging, happiness, love .... throw a bully in there, and see what you get!

 

[Flavus Aquila]

I think a bully is someone who deliberately sets out to harm another person physically, mentally or emotionally. Bullies are anything from nasty kids in the schoolground to partners who abuse their husbands/wives/lovers. there can be all manner of reasons why someone does it, ranging from feeling insecure and weak themselves to peer pressure to enjoyment.

"Cyberbullying involves the use of information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behaviour by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others." -Bill Belsey

Definition. It seems from these definitions that a bully is someone who intends to repeatedly/systematically harass/upset/hurt/etc. others.

Misperceptions. I have several friends who were thought of as bullies - however, with the exception of one, I don't think they ever intended to harass/upset/hurt/etc. others... they were either too forthright, too energetic, loved to play light-hearted pranks, etc. The point is that it is possible for people to subjectively feel bullied, when it is not actually going on, in the strict sense.


It seems that bullying has two parts: 1) the objective/formal part - which is the intention of an individual to cause ongoing grief to others; 2) and the subjective part - which is a person's experience of being harassed/hurt/upset/etc.

There seems to be three possible scenarios that people may talk about when talking about bullying:

1. Malign intention + action -- received subjectively as bullying. (Needs to be dealt with as bullying).
2. Malign intention + action -- not noticed as malign. (Remains in the conscience of they bully - or perhaps third parties should intervene if they notice it).
3. Benign intention + action -- received subjectively as bullying. (Conciliation between hurt second party and mis-understood first party could be helpful).

Intention cannot easily be demonstrated, however, if it is admitted, or if there is overwhelming evidence then the bully can be reprimanded/disciplined. In all other cases, conciliation/education is the only option - because the sensitivity of some people to inaccurately perceived malign intention cannot become the basis for punishing unsuspecting individuals. To do so would be unjust.

 

[paradanmellow]

In all other cases, conciliation/education is the only option - because the sensitivity of some people to inaccurately perceived malign intention cannot become the basis for punishing unsuspecting individuals. To do so would be unjust.

that's that; definitions being so vague(unknown), all there is to do is clear things up
would be easier if there weren't suppressed emotions getting in the way