Changes to what makes someone a great catch

hithere said:
I don't think the relationships that last do so because somehow, naturally, the interest never waned.
I think the honeymoon phase is necessary because getting to know and adapt to a new person can be challenging, so the excitement and the novelty kind of makes up for that.
But having been in a relationship for nearly a decade, I think it only gets better with time.
Of course there are ups and downs (severe downs sometimes), but I think that commitment, mutual respect, shared values, and maybe most importantly the willingness to be vulnerable make a solid foundation for overall continued growth.
Relationships take work. This is counter-intuitive, but I think it's true: An effortless relationship might be enjoyable, but it's hard to feel attached to a person/ relationship you make no effort for. On the other hand, after the "honeymoon phase" when you make the effort to understand each other, work things out and really put the work into making your partner feel loved, that's when you really get attached to the person and the relationship.

Please don't lose hope yet :)!
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I really appreciate this perspective, because I think too often the way things are today encourages people to get tired more easily and focus on whether they are pleased or happy all the time, and when there is struggle or difficulty, this is seen as a sign of the wrong person or time to leave. There's less a sense that over time you do adjust and learn to appreciate each other's personalities and learn to navigate the relationship. I think we give far too much credit to whether something just feels good or feels right, even if it isn't practical or realistic, especially if the focus is mostly on appearance and not enough on whether someone has good relationship skills or qualities that are beneficial for building a healthy relationship. Instead, you have many simply going by how they feel in the moment, and hailing the idea of non-committment as better and more natural. There's the tendency as well to think that if you have to make effort then it's not right at all, which doesn't bode well for a long term relationship.
 
The grass is always on the other side expression comes to mind.

So many people always fall for it because of what they see rather than using rational thinking. It's as though rational thinking is a crime.
 
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