Charisma - What is it and have you got it?

sassafras said:
double fudge Popsicle
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dammit, sass!

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JustPhil said:
I've been pondering charisma lately. There appear to be so many differing views on what makes a charismatic person.

Even within this forum, without most of us not really knowing one another in person, some people just come off as charismatic. They seem likeable perhaps by the way they write or interact with others. I don't feel it has to do a lot with the number of posts, as I've watched many people post a lot as well as interact a lot and not thought they have a high level of charisma. Some people hardly post at all but seem to have that "presence".

I'm happy to admit I have as much charisma as a empty wall. Hence the questions I suppose :)

What do you think makes up a charismatic person, and how charismatic do you think you are on a scale from 1 - 10?
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I really think that "charisma" has to do with having an extremely high emotional iq.

When we say someone is charismatic generally what we mean is that they are pleasant and likable and connect with a lot of people.

The key to connecting to people I think is making them feel heard and understood.

People who are charismatic often give a lot of positive reinforcement and praise. They often acknowledge things about people, ask people about themselves and make a person feel like they are cared about.

In some ways charisma can be about abandoning the self, especially when done in an unhealthy way. When we become so focused on the mood and feelings of another person we might fail to share about ourselves, and many people are so attention starved that they may not return the emotional tending they're being given and this can easily result in a pretty big resentment on the side of the charismatic person.

In reality a balance needs to be achieved and charismatic people definitely can be balanced. A balanced charismatic person builds up a community with praise and acknowledgement, but also shares about themselves and will not always tend to another person's emotions when it's not conductive to a situation. This can be very shocking when it does happen because people are so used to the gregarious nature of these people, but the ability to be sharp when you need to be is what turns a charismatic person into a person of character.

In a way I think you could view it as a spectrum of development.
 
slant said:
I really think that "charisma" has to do with having an extremely high emotional iq.

When we say someone is charismatic generally what we mean is that they are pleasant and likable and connect with a lot of people.

The key to connecting to people I think is making them feel heard and understood.

People who are charismatic often give a lot of positive reinforcement and praise. They often acknowledge things about people, ask people about themselves and make a person feel like they are cared about.

In some ways charisma can be about abandoning the self, especially when done in an unhealthy way. When we become so focused on the mood and feelings of another person we might fail to share about ourselves, and many people are so attention starved that they may not return the emotional tending they're being given and this can easily result in a pretty big resentment on the side of the charismatic person.

In reality a balance needs to be achieved and charismatic people definitely can be balanced. A balanced charismatic person builds up a community with praise and acknowledgement, but also shares about themselves and will not always tend to another person's emotions when it's not conductive to a situation. This can be very shocking when it does happen because people are so used to the gregarious nature of these people, but the ability to be sharp when you need to be is what turns a charismatic person into a person of character.

In a way I think you could view it as a spectrum of development.
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I don't think it's always so positive.

Charisma can be possessed by the asocial as well as the antisocial, as in the case of the aforementioned 'narcissistic' types.

I think you're talking about something else, though I can't quite define the property with a word. Prosocial gravity, or something like that.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
I don't think it's always so positive.

Charisma can be possessed by the asocial as well as the antisocial, as in the case of the aforementioned 'narcissistic' types.

I think you're talking about something else, though I can't quite define the property with a word. Prosocial gravity, or something like that.
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I think the definition still applies in terms of, I would argue that asocial or narcissistic types that you mention also possess a high emotional iq.

I'm not sure that I believe in narcissists though and that may be where we differ.

I do believe in antisocial personality disorder caused by head injuries or lack of normal development of the brain, though, and in that sense they may have a high emotional iq but it's simply imitation.

Still...I think 'negative' charisma as you describe it is utilizing the same exact thing but the person doing it is mentally unwell, that's all. Were they to work on themselves they could use those skills in a positive constructive way.
 
dragulagu said:
Charisma is the ability to have confidence and trust in yourself and your abilities and to exert that trust onto others so themselves have confidence and trust in theirs.
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Very good definition, dragu. And I like how compact it is, too. I agree with it.
 
Ren said:
Very good definition, dragu. And I like how compact it is, too. I agree with it.
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Thanks, it's some spins I got together from the other's posts. Because the sentence is not enough for the whole description. I'd say Sassafrass' description is more complete

sassafras said:
And I think that's what it is. Charisma means instilling either positive or personally desired feelings in any given group of people. When we feel stressed, we want to be put at ease. When we feel uninspired or bored, we want to feel challenged. When we're feeling hopeless, we want to feel comforted. When we're feeling powerless, we want to be inspired to greatness. Someone who is charismatic naturally anticipates the needs of the group and gently leads the other person (or persons) into their desired state... and they do this by example.
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Needs a ton of traits/skills as well (that are available by birth and learnt).
 
dragulagu said:
Needs a ton of traits/skills as well (that are available by birth and learnt).
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I'm trying to decide if true charisma is something that can be learned. That is, it's something that is a collection of skills that can be turned on or off independent of the natural internal composition of a charismatic person (pro-social, non-neurotic, confident, comfortable in themselves, etc.)

I also wonder if charisma is something that naturally happens when you eventually stop taking yourself and the world too seriously and see life as a game to play where you sometimes win some and lose some. I know people who have gone through a major life transformation (a significant amount of weight lost, a successful career change, happily married with kids, etc.) and now demonstrate a marked increase in their charisma and social energy.

Not saying that there isn't a level of skill involved, because socializing does have certain customs and rules, but you got me thinking down this path.
 
sassafras said:
I'm trying to decide if true charisma is something that can be learned. That is, it's something that is a collection of skills that can be turned on or off independent of the natural internal composition of a charismatic person (pro-social, non-neurotic, confident, comfortable in themselves, etc.)

I also wonder if charisma is something that naturally happens when you eventually stop taking yourself and the world too seriously and see life as a game to play where you sometimes win some and lose some. I know people who have gone through a major life transformation (a significant amount of weight lost, a successful career change, happily married with kids, etc.) and now demonstrate a marked increase in their charisma and social energy.

Not saying that there isn't a level of skill involved, because socializing does have certain customs and rules, but you got me thinking down this path.
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I think you'll need to have a natural affinity in getting energy from doing charismatic actions. But the way you perform them is learnt (as it requires interacting with others and understanding the actions/reactions, able to read them, ..., social rules, know how to react on them). Though empathy is a natural trait that works well along these actions. To me it looks like one of the most difficult things to learn and sustain in general.

Hmm, charisma by age (or rather experiences) though...and stop taking yourself so seriously, yeah. definitely works. *taking notes*
 
dragulagu said:
I think you'll need to have a natural affinity in getting energy from doing charismatic actions.
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I think this is a key observation.

There has to be some element of will and desire involved in bringing about the 'charismatic act'. Someone who is content to sit back and let the world turn around them is neither going to be able to express their own charisma, nor hone it.

In my case, the moments when I've been most charismatic have come from an inner overcoming. In social scenarios if it comes out it's because it's there naturally and I don't think about it at all really, but bigger stages require courage. That is, there's an inner need to 'do/say the right thing'; it feels like a moral compulsion. I must not keep my mouth shut. In these cases I think the sincerity and conviction carries into your words because people can hear that you mean them. When this is coupled with being articulate, the ability to construct logical arguments which make sense, and the obvious demonstration of real mastery of the subject matter, then it all combines to have a powerful effect.

Again looking back at my own experience, this 'mastery' was key I think because I had a reputation for 'knowing my shit'. That is, on points of fact I had much more command of the material than anyone else. I actually read the law. I read all the policies. I was more informed than anyone else. I knew this for a fact and trusted myself because of it. There was an inner confidence that came from having put in all this work: that I knew the bullshitters and could point exactly to where they had mangled things.

So it's about a zero-sum game of credibility in cases where the charisma is deployed in conflictual situations. Simply by 'having' mastery, and without deliberately attempting to undermine anyone's credibility, its demonstration almost automatically rewrites the hierarchy in any given space in favour of the person who obviously and actually isn't bullshitting.

Having a real clue goes a long way, and you only really earn that if you care anyway.
 
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