Chasing after an INFJ girl

Saj said:
Yea, she probably already knows, I don't tend to try to hide it. But she's still hanging around with me, that's probably not a bad sign.

I guess I will bide my time and wait for a good time to tell her. I will make sure not to pressure her to give a definite yes/no.

Gonna be a huge change of pace/leap of faith for me, but it is worth it.

Thanks everyone. More advice will be appreciated too. So far everything that was said has been very helpful for my cluelessness.
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All the info provided in this thread is very helpful, obviously, but remember that she's a person first and that she happens to be an INFJ. Her personality, her likes and dislikes, are all influenced by things other than the MBTI. The INFJ females here can help you, but there is not one strategy to succeed with the woman of your dreams.

With that being said, I'd be direct with her and tell her that I liked her, and I want to take her somewhere/ do something with here. Shouldn't be hard since you are already her friend. You don't have to give the girl an ultimatum though. If she doesn't like you, you can go back to being friends.
 
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You know, I had a huge crush on this guy who took 3 months to even say hello to me. Fast forward 6 or 7 months later of talking etc. I finally got fed up of waiting for him to make the first move so I asked him out. I knew he felt the same way I did which is probably the only reason I did ask him out other than the fact I didn't want to him to get away!! Thank God I did because we are married now with two precious kids.

So if it feels right, what are you waiting for? Don't just make a general romantic gesture, do something she would appreciate, something that has special meaning to her or that she shows interest in! Good luck!
 
mf said:
You could straight up say it. Stop thinking about it, and trying to "plan" a way for you to "catch" her. I don't know about other INFJs but the idea of being seen as something to be "caught" is a big turn off.

If I were you, I'd just be honest with her and say what you're feeling. It shows you respect her enough not to try and convince her to "go out" with you.
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I'd like to second this post.



My advice is to just say whatever it is you're feeling. Like Reon said, all INFJs are different, so you shouldn't lump all women of the same type together, but I, personally, don't appreciate mind games or overtly "romantic," cheesy gestures that are supposed to hint at things. Soft music? Candles? Rose petals? Gag me with a spoon. Just tell her you like her and move on with it.
 
I'm going to tell you something. I'm most definitely an INFJ and the only type of man I have ever fallen for was INFP. You just might be TOO different.
 
It's possible that you're "too different", but you'll never find out if you don't try. Just do it.
 
Revenwyn said:
I'm going to tell you something. I'm most definitely an INFJ and the only type of man I have ever fallen for was INFP. You just might be TOO different.
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Ehrm, +1 to what MF said and also, INFPs and INFJs don't share one function between them. They are both NFs but INFPs are Fi, Ne, Si, Te. Fi/Ni and Fi/Fe conflicts do occur. And of course MBTI =/= personality.
 
I'm an INFJ girl

You know what, this is so weird because I am way more open communicating with this guy I like on line. The thing is for me though, that I get really shy in person. The more I like a person the shyer I get around them. Needless to say I've never actually been with someone I have strong feelings for. I like this guy so much though. I've liked him for like, a decade. Anyway, it would be a dream come true for me if he just showed up one day and grabbed me and kissed me. Of course that is really unlikely considering he must think I'm full of mixed messages and anyway he's a little shy too. I'm just surprised that everyone is telling you to go slow. I mean INFJ girls are really truly introverts. So if you're an extrovert man, make a move!!!!
 
Take your sweet as time. really, take your time. Sounds like you guys are hitting it off good but as an infj female i need time to understand others if i am to develop any type of relations and for me it requires a lot of time and space. So the lack of closeness you feel is quite normal; btu then again it also depends majorly on if she is interested in a relationship. That will determine many factors. So not only are you playing with a complimentary personality type; you are also simply dealing with a female. lol
 
Reon said:
All the info provided in this thread is very helpful, obviously, but remember that she's a person first and that she happens to be an INFJ. Her personality, her likes and dislikes, are all influenced by things other than the MBTI. The INFJ females here can help you, but there is not one strategy to succeed with the woman of your dreams.

With that being said, I'd be direct with her and tell her that I liked her, and I want to take her somewhere/ do something with here. Shouldn't be hard since you are already her friend. You don't have to give the girl an ultimatum though. If she doesn't like you, you can go back to being friends.
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This is easily the best advice on the forum. MBTI makes this stuff way too complicated. People start to make relationships out to be competitions between the two people and then everyone wonders why their formula for the XXXX type failed, and why people can have the same type yet be on the opposite side of the spectrum.

Let us focus entirely on physical contact since you have paid a lot of attention to that. Using basic deduction skills, it's clear to see that:
She is uncomfortable with her body and touch, she doesn't feel sexy.
Which means that sex holds a lot of emotional weight for her. This isn't a girl you have a one night stand with and will be okay after that. If you two have sex, expect that she will want to invest more emotionally. She will probably want to date, or see you two as dating at that point. Be careful that you do not hurt her feelings, knowing this in advance can make sure you don't accidentally hurt someone.
She seems distant with touch but in actuality she enjoys sex just like every other woman.
So the question is, how do you ramp up physical escalation with someone who is uncomfortable with touch but wants sex?

Be simple and straight forward. This isn't a girl you pull next to you at a bar and grab a shot together. Pull her close to you when you walk through a crowd, guide her with your hand on her back when she goes through a door.

Above all else be honest with your intentions. Let her know you're interested and tell her how you feel. It shows maturity and courage. Don't be that guy who asks his friends what his girlfriend is thinking when he should just ask her instead.
 
Be genuine, always. Im an Infj woman married to an entp man
Dont try to play ANY games. And flirt a while before action. Be kind and helpful. Manipulation or lying will not be forgiven and taken as a sign of disrespect and bad caracter.
The reson i think entp and Infj is working is because they are loyal, warm, smart, genuine and share the will to improve ourselfs over time. The types are also Fighters for love, problem solvers!
 
That's the problem friend, you're chasing after a girl.

It's fine to ask her out, tell her you like her, but you've got to have other priorities in life. Keep it short, sweet, and to the point. If she turns you down, on to the next one.
 
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