Clues that give you a hint that an INFJ is angry or uncomfortable...

[Michael Lloyd]

If you are wondering how someone feels I would suggest asking the person, "are you angry, sad, upset, etc." I have found being direct is the best course of action. It keeps the line of communication open and not up for interpretation. Trying to guess how other people feel is tiring and sets relationships up in an unhealthy way. If you really want to know how someone feels just ask them.

Thank you very much, Sadie... As enfps, thats our downside..i am ashamed of him..we have a complex history..he is in an identity crisis..he used me to discover his sexuality..i felt alone..i asked him to kiss me for the last time he refused..i am afraid he is angry at me..but he said nothing has changed on the way he looks or views me..no disgust or any negatives..in which i believe..infjs are sincere i know but im ashamed..i want to leave him but a part of me wants to stay to support him and understand him more but maybe he doesnt need me..he is lonely and misunderstood but doesnt need me..im confused..for now, im just gving him what he needs..dstance...i also broke a promise but i told him earlier and i was honest to him and not lied..im afraid of the things ive done to his life..i wanted to help or understand him yet...i failed to do so..rather i made things worse..T.T so i want to leave

 

[Michael Lloyd]

If I'm really angry I'll give 'em the death stare. Deeaaath staaarre

this friend if mine does this death stare all the time in pictures .. but ive seen this when he really got angry with me..i was so afraid but he said to me he'd rather hurt himself than others

 

[Michael Lloyd]

I normally tell my friends when i am angry with them.

How I react really depends on the context and severity of anger. Sometimes its literally like fight/flight.

If Im feeling very emotional and angry, I normally tell the person I'm really angry and need to be alone for a bit. I normally walk away and process my feelings before I say something uncalled for and stupid. It doesnt take me long to calm down. Sometimes in as little as a minute to myself. Being by myself gives me space and perspective to process. I try to calm down, empathise, understand and resolve. The worst thing that can happen with this is when people try to demand that I talk to them there and then and get all upset and manipulative when I try to walk away.

Alternatively, I sometimes I lose my temper and start yelling and carrying on in a very juevenile tantrum way. Sometimes I throw things around and break things. I seethe. Sometimes I say awful things. There can be death staring, and a bit of spasmodic ignoring and silent treatment for good measure.
I rarely carry on in this way though. Im only like that with the people Im closest to- my partner, best friends. They are the only people that really get to me, the people that Im closest to.

The only things I get mad about on a regular basis are social and political issues. I avoid personal dramas, gossiping and bitchiness like the plague. I dont really have conflicts with people about 'general' or relationship stuff.

I am afraid i have done the manipulating and forcing him to talk to me even when hes alone..I waanted his attention..i was in a limerence though that even if i knew he hated it..i still continued..i am afraid now but now, i gave him what he needed..distance

 

[Michael Lloyd]

Thank you, i really appreciate it...im amazed i have communicated with you infjs..i wish my friend could have also talked to me..but now he despises me...

 

[Michael Lloyd]

It seems most people who have posted on this subject so far are pretty passive with their anger/discomfort.

When I'm upset it gets me moving. Simply feeling upset without acting on it seems futile and frustrating to me - I have to handle the problem. Just starting to deal with the source of frustration/anger switches my perception about it instantly from being a source of grief, to being a task.


To answer the question then: You'll know I'm upset when I start strategising.

Thank you, i have a question..have you ever thought of having sex with another male? and if yes, after you have realized your straight, how would you treat the friend you had sex with? I am confused on what to do... i felt rejected

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Thank you, i have a question..have you ever thought of having sex with another male? and if yes, after you have realized your straight, how would you treat the friend you had sex with? I am confused on what to do... i felt rejected

Your question seems completely off topic. Nevertheless, I guess I have thought about it in a speculative way - and the thought of it does not appeal to me in any way. So perhaps I cannot answer your question with the insight of experience, or common interest.

Nevertheless, if you are angry/upset about the situation - perhaps the best thing to do is get to the core of your feeling on the matter: some subjective things, or perhaps objective things going on. Then do something about it.

If the source of your discomfort is internal, start making decisions/resolutions about yourself for the present and future. If it is your friend that upset you, perhaps the first port of call would be to talk and get more insight.

 

[Hana]

And, once we know something's wrong?

The signs themselves are so obvious to me now. I've been learning how to approach the INFJ I know when something bothers them. It's good to try and feel it out based on the individual situations.

However, if one is seeking a formula, I suppose I'd recommend (when they're hurt about something) to offer them an apology (if it was because of you), show your concern, and give them acceptance - whatever the problem. Then, if they seem very angry still, give them space to sort it out. If you give them space before giving them possitive words and showing emotional support, I think they have a harder time sorting through quickly. Let them know you'll be available when they're ready, but still be far enough away that they get the space they need to sort out their thoughts.

For those out there who find it difficult to approach someone with such a prickly and raging physical demeanor (like I do) this will be hard. But, if you do this, it shows your commitment and care. They will appreciate it. Love and acceptance. Very important to them.

I hope this helps someone. It took me years to learn and I still feel that I could used more enlightenment.
If anyone feels like adding something, I'd love to gain even better understanding through this site.

I hope this was not too off topic. I didn't want to start a new thread for this one thing.

 

[Hana]

this friend if mine does this death stare all the time in pictures .. but ive seen this when he really got angry with me..i was so afraid but he said to me he'd rather hurt himself than others

With an INFJ, from what I've seen, that's true.

They can't stand discord among others around them. They also have a standard they hold themselves to. They are the martyr/vigilante type.

 

[Michael Lloyd]

Your question seems completely off topic. Nevertheless, I guess I have thought about it in a speculative way - and the thought of it does not appeal to me in any way. So perhaps I cannot answer your question with the insight of experience, or common interest.

Nevertheless, if you are angry/upset about the situation - perhaps the best thing to do is get to the core of your feeling on the matter: some subjective things, or perhaps objective things going on. Then do something about it.

If the source of your discomfort is internal, start making decisions/resolutions about yourself for the present and future. If it is your friend that upset you, perhaps the first port of call would be to talk and get more insight.

this helped, and talking to him was bullshit. infjs somehow are selfish. so am i. dont mind me. i was kind of sad that all this time i thought i was the reason he was sad but not knowing it was his normal way of coping and when im sad, he doesn't care.. dafuq

 

[Nate35819]

Well with all my emotions I'm fairly subtle I guess but very animated.......however when I'm upset I wear it on my sleeve. I get withdrawn and if I'm still around the person that upset me I can get real short and critical with them if I have to supress what I'm feeling. And the whole time in my head all I'm begging myself to do Is just "play nice" but I just can't help getting snappy. And I hateeeee when people apologize to me over and over it makes me feel like they're in a merciful position to me and I hate the way that feels. Apologize once and only once....make it quick and painless for both of us please.... Likes are I've already forgiven you and you're just making me re-live everything I forgot.

 

[Haven]

If I'm angry at someone close to me, I tend to go silent, and process the situation internally first, before saying anything, I understand that my feelings at times can be unreasonable and incoherent in the heat of the moment. Silence gives me the opportunity to question the merit of my anger. If I feel justified, I'll let it stir and take shape, give it teeth before biting.

 

[Haven]

Also if they have a constipated look on their face it's a sure sign they need to go to toilet.