Confused about INFJ male

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lavande

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Hey everyone :)

I'm just wondering about an INFJ male. Or I rather should say I'm really in love with an INFJ. But there's a problem - I'm very confused by his behaviour towards me.
We know each other about two years. Before half a year he began talk with me much more than before. During the semester at college we meet each at a student christian group. It's been about four month I'm into him. It started when we went together to another city to an conference. We were traveling by train for four hours and we talked the whole time. We spent all day together and I felt very comfortable in his presence and I would guess that also he. ¨
After that day I could't stop think of him and also I was sure he's into me. Few days later we had the group and before the group he called me and asked me if I'm coming today even he knows I'm there every week regularly. During the group I catched him looking at me a few times but when I looked at him he looked away. Unfortunately, that's what I'm doing, too. After the group when the others were talking he demanded me to play the piano and than he played, too, showing me some pieces. One of my friend was playing with me before he came and she told me that she felt like she must go away from the piano because he was like he wants it. After that situations I felt like he's really into me. But then I didn't see him for about a month. We weren't in contact much that time, he had a few very hard exams. After a month my two friends and him arranged a reflection meeting where I might be. Just before that my friend called me she can't be on time and the other guy probably also won't be. She told me to go to the starting point and that my INFJ told her if the other guy won't there he will take me on a date. She told me it didn't seemed just like a joke. But then we met and the other guy added us.
After all we saw each other for few times until the summer. During this I found him acting very weird. Sometimes he was talking to me very nicely and at time was aloof or casual. This confuses me a lot. For instance, his sister invited me on a concert in their city and he came to pick me up with her on the bus station. We went on a place of concert and talked together. But when he came he was still with us for a while but then he didn't talk to me anymore. And on the evening when we went to their home he just talked to me when his sister wasn't present or was casual.
Now I haven't see him for a while (a month) but I'm still very interested in him and I don't know what to do. He doesn't comunicate with me through cell phone or internet. I send him an e-mail about an opportunity to go to which I know he's been interested in but nothing more personal. He hasn''t reply and probably won't. We'll see each other in three weeks.

I would like to ask if there's a possibility he likes me or am I too subjective? I have a strong affection toward him but he probably doesn't see it.
 
If you want to cultivate a personal relationship, you will have to spend time with him one on one. Group dynamics will not help.

It is also very easy for some INFJs to forget that people appreciate regular contact. For some INFJs it is possible not to see someone for years and then take up where things were left off even years ago, as though no time had passed.

Don't know if this helps.
 
lavande said:
Hey everyone :)

<3
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I’m generally kind/considerate and will engage if certain topics really interest me, I’ve had a few people think I was interested when I wasn’t. On the other hand I’m terrible at letting people know what it is I’m “really feeling”... still working on that bit (getting better). There has been times where I’ve been interested in someone, but didn’t know how to start another good conversation (outside of my own interests/small talks) – So I just kind of glance at them, hoping they’ll figure out what I’m thinking ... desperate measures for shy introverts I guess.

...It’s not particularly fun, but I suggest you ask him directly (preferably when you’re alone with him); I’d wager he’d be completely honest with you.
 
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Hey, my boyfriend is an INFJ and so am I. It took us 4 years to get to where we are. He would show up from time to time, and we would talk about anything and everything, have a great time together as friends, and then he would disappear. I didn't mind it, cause as Flavus Aquila said it is possible for an INFJ to spend a lot of time separated from someone for months or years, and then continue like no time has passed. He did have a hard time confessing that he was into me, it actually happened while he was slightly intoxicated for New Year's eve. He sent me a message telling me that of all the people in his life I was the only one he looked forward to meeting and spending time with.. I had my own feelings about the situation which of course never came out to the surface, and after a couple of months I contacted him and everything started from then on..

I really think you should just be honest and ask him. There is not a thing that most INFJ wont be able to understand, no matter too complicated for them to comprehend. Even if it was just your imagination ( which I doubt, because the behavior you described is typical INFJ when interested in someone ) he well say it to you nicely and try to not hurt your feelings.. Honesty and direct conversation are probably the best advice I can give you!

Good luck! :)
 
I've found out that it is definitely true that I need to spend more time with him seperated from the others. That's a good reminder. Thank you.
 
Varisa said:
Hey, my boyfriend is an INFJ and so am I. It took us 4 years to get to where we are. He would show up from time to time, and we would talk about anything and everything, have a great time together as friends, and then he would disappear. I didn't mind it, cause as Flavus Aquila said it is possible for an INFJ to spend a lot of time separated from someone for months or years, and then continue like no time has passed. He did have a hard time confessing that he was into me, it actually happened while he was slightly intoxicated for New Year's eve. He sent me a message telling me that of all the people in his life I was the only one he looked forward to meeting and spending time with.. I had my own feelings about the situation which of course never came out to the surface, and after a couple of months I contacted him and everything started from then on..

I really think you should just be honest and ask him. There is not a thing that most INFJ wont be able to understand, no matter too complicated for them to comprehend. Even if it was just your imagination ( which I doubt, because the behavior you described is typical INFJ when interested in someone ) he well say it to you nicely and try to not hurt your feelings.. Honesty and direct conversation are probably the best advice I can give you!

Good luck! :)
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Thank you, Varisa! :) I really appreciate your reply. You gave me kind of an advice which I actually expected but didn't want to hear. It is not easy for me to express my feelings, too. So it will be hard but there is always hope. It just calls for more courage.
 
Don't be confused if an INFJ alternates between social involvement and detachment, even with people they care for.

This is normal for the INFJ, and doesn't necessarily indicate anything about their feelings for you.

From typelogic.com (http://typelogic.com/infj.html)

They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.
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Whether or not he has particular feelings for you is a whole other story!
 
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I would suggest he likes you. And probably interested. He is still trying to figure out just how much. If he were certain, you would know. Not that he would be possessive. But he would pursue you. But more than likely still show up only on occasion. But I promise he expects you to be focused on him and if you give him a reason to think he's second, he will disappear.

If you like him, and you want his attention, then act like you are his. Make sure you are honest, sincere. And if you can do something to make him feel special or different. That will form a bond with you and that is what's its all about with us.

Unfortunately, If he's undecided or leaning toward not being interested, you won't know and he will just disappear.
If we are quiet and respectful around your friends and family, we are showing respect, which is the most important thing people can think of us. We believe that about us. We are confident in ourselves because we know we are better in some ways like showing respect when everyone around us doesn't seem to know what that is.

But the aloof thing can go either way. I would suggest not getting too needy. Let him come and go as he wants and if he is interested, he will pursue you. And pretty soon he'll never shut up.

But nothing you do will make him like you more if he's not interested. Pretty much everything you do will push us away.
 
Wow..l so much feeling in the OP it's hilarious.

A relationship like this could work and proceed to be very fulfilling, but both partners must work with each other to become greater as one. This will require mature individuals who have transcended their previous ways and all that metaphysical bologna :D
 
Rferraris said:
I would suggest he likes you. And probably interested. He is still trying to figure out just how much. If he were certain, you would know. Not that he would be possessive. But he would pursue you. But more than likely still show up only on occasion. But I promise he expects you to be focused on him and if you give him a reason to think he's second, he will disappear.

If you like him, and you want his attention, then act like you are his. Make sure you are honest, sincere. And if you can do something to make him feel special or different. That will form a bond with you and that is what's its all about with us.

Unfortunately, If he's undecided or leaning toward not being interested, you won't know and he will just disappear.
If we are quiet and respectful around your friends and family, we are showing respect, which is the most important thing people can think of us. We believe that about us. We are confident in ourselves because we know we are better in some ways like showing respect when everyone around us doesn't seem to know what that is.

But the aloof thing can go either way. I would suggest not getting too needy. Let him come and go as he wants and if he is interested, he will pursue you. And pretty soon he'll never shut up.

But nothing you do will make him like you more if he's not interested. Pretty much everything you do will push us away.
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agree!

Personally I think he likes you cos that actually sounds like what I would do, even the disappear part HAHA. but like what Rferraris said, you must show him back, clearly, that you like him too and that you are willing to make it work with him or he will disappear and trust me, boy can we disappear when we want to haha. but if you show him clearly that you want to try this with him and he does like you too, you can expect him to open up and...ah I dont want to spoil the fun. lets just say it'll get interesting fast...in a good way ;)
 
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