Crude People Gone Polite

[grapefruit]

I don't understand this, so perhaps someone can explain into me. I am referring to people who are belittling, crude, cutting, and who constantly embarrass you, switching between adverse behaviors and entreating you to talk to them more, to trust them more, that they have your best interest even though you are ungrateful and withdrawn. They seem truly affronted that toward them, you are easily annoyed and un-forthcoming. They somehow think that you treat everyone the same as them, making anger, which Infjs are less prone to, to course through your body. Why are such people like this? Is it likely that they know what they do? What is the best way to deal with them and your emotions? How does personality type affect the way people manifest this unwarranted behavior?

 

[sassafras]

That's a hallmark of someone who feeds their ego by having their own personal, whipping boy (or girl). They seem to have your 'best interests' at heart because they do need to keep you around, but they need you around because they get off on feeling superior in your presence; when they dole out punishment and you still stick around to take it, it makes them feel like they're something special.

 

[grapefruit]

That's a hallmark of someone who feeds their ego by having their own personal, whipping boy (or girl). They seem to have your 'best interests' at heart because they do need to keep you around, but they need you around because they get off on feeling superior in your presence; when they dole out punishment and you still stick around to take it, it makes them feel like they're something special.

Oh I know they don't, but what if they have done things to benefit you like pay for something, give you that promotion, or help you in some other way? What if you have to interact with them because you have to work with them or something? Then what can you do?

 

[5r6jhd]

Is it true that infjs are less prone to anger? I get angry all the time!

 

[the]

Remember 2nd grade? It means they like-like you.

 

[sassafras]

Oh I know they don't, but what if they have done things to benefit you like pay for something, give you that promotion, or help you in some other way? What if you have to interact with them because you have to work with them or something? Then what can you do?

Well, keep in mind that people are not all bad and not all good and there is always room for shades of grey. Still, it also could be a way for them to keep you on the hook and indebted to them. However way you slice it, the negative behaviour you described is a problem, and you have two options: a. confront them about it (sometimes people don't realize they're doing this) or b. limit your contact to the bare minimum. Just because someone is nice to you sometimes doesn't mean you owe them anything; especially if they're cruel and belittling to you the rest of the time. If you're that upset about it, their bad outweighs the good and you have a right to put your foot down.

 

[the]

Is it true that infjs are less prone to anger? I get angry all the time!

I think they are more prone to holding in anger or raging in socially unacceptable ways. Thats my perspective.

 

[grapefruit]

Is it true that infjs are less prone to anger? I get angry all the time!

Do you really get angry, or is it just annoyance and frustration. Frustration is when you want to bang your head against a wall and you wish something would change or work better, but it just won't and you can't make it even though you're full of this confined gnawing feeling. Anger is the consuming fire that makes you want to use your Infj skills to cause as much damage as possible before laughing wildly as you kick away the emotional shards.

 

[Stu]

If you are a "feeler" who has been "conditioned" to ignore your feelings, then you may tend to skip straight to anger.

 

[5r6jhd]

Ahhhh ok. Yeah I get angry where anger is due, but I think I just get loudly or out of proportion frustrated! At home anyway. Like when my cup spills over the frustration is sometimes yelled and ranted out oopsies!

 

[grapefruit]

If you are a "feeler" who has been "conditioned" to ignore your feelings, then you may tend to skip straight to anger.

Sometimes I get angry because of something that has happened for years, but there are some things that make me skip straight to anger or at least intense frustration. For instance, if someone hit or mistreated my friends, or if someone used weaknesses, especially those that put a person in the minority over a period of time and I found out, I would be angry, really angry. I would at first try to hamper those that were the cause of my anger, but then I would get bored and just forget about them unless they reminded me again.

 

[Vict]

I was going to ask you about polite people gone crude (which is different from cruel), but chances are they were crude the whole time and hid it well.

 

[Whiskers]

Working with psychopathic patients, I see this pattern frequently. They can often be rude and dismissive, but if they want something from you, it's quite amazing how polite and considerate they can present as.

 

[Vict]

That means that I interact with psychopaths regularly.

 

[Trifoilum]

Another potential answer is...
Provoking our ego defense. Via making a baseline of "Hey, I treated you good. See? PROOF! Why wouldn't you?"

Thus our cue tend to be "What the hell do you talk about? Of course I'm not always angry / cruel / uncaring towards you / ungrateful / anything that implies >>>> 'a bad person' >>>> 'I will prove it to you!'*."

*) This one will come in multiple variants. Reciprocation, appreciation, shame, guilt, perseverance, patience...anything.