deep v superficial

[Gaze]

Ok. So I just recently located my very best childhood friend...
I mean, it had been eight years since we last spoke and up to recently, I was still pining away for her--missing her friendship and our connection.

After talking to her a few times, I've realized that each conversation has been only about her. She has not asked me a question--and I feel the entire conversation is me... counseling her through her many issues and problems.

I suspect she has a Histrionic/Narcissistic thing going on... and am now realizing that I idealized our friendship and held it so high because I had a touch of co-dependancy even as a teenager.

I don't think it is possible for me to have a really deep and meaningful and mutual friendship with her, because my definition of what that is has drastically changed over these eight years.

This friendship, I would say, is to be a superficial one. I will always answer the phone when she calls and listen to her, but for my own well-being I have to keep her at arms length else I become consumed with her problems again..

I have a friend, and I'm going through something slightly similar. I won't speak for her, but I feel that she can't relate to my concerns or issues as much as I can hers, and this is disappointing me because she is a close friend. Not a good model for strong much less deep frienship.

 

[Adymus]

When there is nothing more to the relationship than physical attraction, and/or a handful of common interests.
When the relationship lacks mental, intellectual, and/or spiritual connection with the other person.

 

[acd]

I have a friend, and I'm going through something slightly similar. I won't speak for her, but I feel that she can't relate to my concerns or issues as much as I can hers, but yet she takes for granted that I will be there to listen to her speak endlessly about what's happening in her life. But when she listens to me, it seems she's doing me a huge favor by listening since she is unable to relate. It is not an equally balanced friendship and this is disappointing me because she is a close friend. She takes care of her needs first before anyone elses. Not a good model for strong much less deep frienship. But I guess it doesn't make a lot of sense to get too upset by it. I feel a little weird even mentioning it.

I've learned it's impossible to have a positive deep connection with someone who is more taker than giver. These things have to be on a fluid basis and as needed. That's mutual, and it's what makes the relationship deep, gives it what it needs to grow and mature.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Superficial Relationship - one in which the parties are not willing to take a hit or suffer for the other.

Deep Relationship - personal cost/difficulty/suffering is accepted by the parties in order to keep the relationship.

 

[under skies]

It seems fairly simple to me.

I think a deep relationship is one between two people who actually care about each other. A superficial relationship is one maintained for personal convenience. A superficial friend might go to you when they're bored and don't have anyone else to hang out with, but they probably won't be there for you when you actually need them, when things get complicated.

 

[middle1]

To me a superficial relationship is a forced one, you know where you have to acknowledge someone but don't really care to take it any further than that, like acquaintences. Or it's a relationship where one or both people involved hold a peice of themselves back and either person doesn't want to share that with the other.