Since this seems to be such a rant on parents, can I tell you that from a "normal" parent perspective that we are always questioning or doubting what we are doing to our children? I'm in NO WAY talking about abusive situations. I remember being in that place where I blamed my parents (mother) for all my problems ... then I finally grew up. I realized that they were a product of their environment just as I was. My mother was severely abused by her parents, and she hid this fact when she left her situation and had children of her own. She did the best she could, and might I say fantastic with little to no role models. She became everything her parents were not and I find that in itself as courageous. Was she perfect? Not in any way. Did she damage me emotionally? Not to the extend that it was something I could not overcome myself. I think that is the key here, is that you have the choice to overcome these issues that hold you back from being a better version of yourself ... my own mother did it, and so did I. So you aren't necessarily becoming smarter or better than your parents ... that is like comparing an apple to an orange.
I question myself as a parent many times. There definitely is a conflict of personalities at times. Regardless, I am the parent, I am fair in punishment, I love my kids equally (even though our dynamics are different), I am predictable, I provide a safe and secure environment, the schedule of the house is also predictable, etc. I don't always treat my kids the same, I do my best to work with their personality ... and you couldn't get two different brothers: ISTJ and ENFP. My husband and I both love to spend time with our kids, we love teaching our kids life lessons. Are we perfect? No, we're far from it. Have I ever apologized to my kids? Yes, absolutely. I've told them I make bad choices too, and ask them what could we do to make things better (this is always the issue of listening, communicating, being ignored, etc.)
My 10 year old ISTJ son is head strong, stubborn, first born child. He is a hard worker, very responsible and loves to help. He loves to please adults in authority. He is a bit quirky and has trouble with making friends, part of that comes from being intellectually smarter than his peers (and not knowing how to dumb himself down to their lifestyle.) He has no trouble throwing me a death stare when he does not agree to doing something. The biggest lesson we have to reinforce with him is that he will be treated the way he treats others. This is incredibly difficult for him to grasp. When he is a pill, I can become a pill (give it enough time, b/c I think he enjoys ticking me off.) He loves to argue about everything.
My 8 year old ENFP is easy going, flexible, go-with-the-flow type of kid. He doesn't question the rules, though he often forgets them and is governed by his impulses. I have a difficult time trusting him because of this, but I will trust him to do something until he can prove me wrong. I do set more limitations on him than my older son, because he has a harder time following through on "orders." Still, he likes to please me and is still very affectionate with me. My dynamic with him is very "magical" and easy. The biggest lesson we have to teach him is following through (even on a very basic level, it is difficult for him to focus on all his homework until it is completed ... but I am on his butt like white on rice.) lol
So I hope this gives some of you a glimpse into what it is like to be a parent. You won't understand why your parents did certain things until you become a parent yourself. Obviously if it is something WRONG like abuse, you at least have the ability to recognize how you would raise your child differently. Trust me, ALL KIDS are capable of setting of their parents "crazy bells." It's how the parent responds to those bells.
