Didnt your parents learn ya right?

[Sriracha]

Like, people who were born at around the 40's and the 50's, those are the parents we're pissed at

Which is the same as my parents, and all parents before them. Part of the problem was not only the parent's bad behavior towards their children, but that there was no accountability either. The first child abuse laws were written in 1974, and as with any law of this magnitude took forever to implement. Police and schools were still hanging onto the "stay out of your neighbor's business" attitude. Orphanages before this law were basically only for parentless children (and the service offered through a church.) Before this happened, people thought it was ok to beat up their kids. It was a cycle that perpetuated through each generation. Women were just starting to go to work in the 1970s, thus forcing their children to be the first latch-key generation. With women being able to work, they were able to leave bad situations ... but that also meant kids learning to fend for themselves. If you had a parent with a mental problem, you can bet they were a guinea pig for the next generation in being spoonfed heavy medication that didn't help

The point is, you can harp on about the past or you can see today as a new day and be thankful that we live in a society that gives people more choices than ever before.

 

[ThisIsWhoIAm]

Which is the same as my parents, and all parents before them. Part of the problem was not only the parent's bad behavior towards their children, but that there was no accountability either. The first child abuse laws were written in 1974, and as with any law of this magnitude took forever to implement. Police and schools were still hanging onto the "stay out of your neighbor's business" attitude. Orphanages before this law were basically only for parentless children (and the service offered through a church.) Before this happened, people thought it was ok to beat up their kids. It was a cycle that perpetuated through each generation. Women were just starting to go to work in the 1970s, thus forcing their children to be the first latch-key generation. With women being able to work, they were able to leave bad situations ... but that also meant kids learning to fend for themselves. If you had a parent with a mental problem, you can bet they were a guinea pig for the next generation in being spoonfed heavy medication that didn't help

The point is, you can harp on about the past or you can see today as a new day and be thankful that we live in a society that gives people more choices than ever before.

I do see it like that and i am very thankful. But it's just cool to rant a little bit every now and then with people who feel your pain

That being said, i love my mother and i take care of her when she needs my help every time.

 

[guernica132]

There's lots of things my parents didn't teach me, like fiscal management, or about how much of society functions in groups or cliques (I was a military brat and was totally oblivious the clique concept until Jr. High/High School).

My mom taught me how to read when I was four (awesome), and how to be stellar at customer service. But she also tried to teach me how to be a vindictive, snobby, materialistic, gossiping biotch (not so awesome). I've had to try really hard during my teens and early twenties to "re-learn" these ways of thinking and behaving.

My dad taught me literally millions of tidbits of information. Examples include (but are not limited to) how to tie 27 different types of knots, how to survive in the outdoors, how to roof a house, how to take someone's blood, CPR, AED, how to cook, American Indian shamanism, the list goes on and on and on...

Might be playing the stereotypical INFJ victim card here, but like [MENTION=6281]CrazyBeautiful[/MENTION] and several other posters, both of my parents (although mostly my crazy mom) taught me a lot about how NOT to act towards your spouse and kids.

 

[guernica132]

"Part of the problem was not only the parent's bad behavior towards their children, but that there was no accountability either. The first child abuse laws were written in 1974, and as with any law of this magnitude took forever to implement. Police and schools were still hanging onto the "stay out of your neighbor's business" attitude. Orphanages before this law were basically only for parentless children (and the service offered through a church.) Before this happened, people thought it was ok to beat up their kids. It was a cycle that perpetuated through each generation. Women were just starting to go to work in the 1970s, thus forcing their children to be the first latch-key generation. With women being able to work, they were able to leave bad situations ... but that also meant kids learning to fend for themselves. If you had a parent with a mental problem, you can bet they were a guinea pig for the next generation in being spoonfed heavy medication that didn't help

The point is, you can harp on about the past or you can see today as a new day and be thankful that we live in a society that gives people more choices than ever before"
[MENTION=4423]Sriracha[/MENTION] Very insightful. All of these previous generations had to deal with intense issues that led to cyclical dilemmas. I'm currently studying how generational differences pan out in the workplace, and this post of yours helped broaden my perspectives on the topic even more. Thanks

 

[Apone]

I never once felt unloved or unsupported, which is pretty much all that anyone can ask for.

I'm going to have to voice my support of the 'stop whining' crowd... kids are hard work and you're not always going to have all of the answers-- this was especially true when I was growing up. My parents have their faults, but they're good people and I like to think that I'm the same way.

At this point there's little doubt in my mind that I'm my own person, and blaming my parents for what's wrong with me or my life is a phase I'd like to think I've grown out of.

 

[ThisIsWhoIAm]

I never once felt unloved or unsupported, which is pretty much all that anyone can ask for.

I'm going to have to voice my support of the 'stop whining' crowd... kids are hard work and you're not always going to have all of the answers-- this was especially true when I was growing up. My parents have their faults, but they're good people and I like to think that I'm the same way.

At this point there's little doubt in my mind that I'm my own person, and blaming my parents for what's wrong with me or my life is a phase I'd like to think I've grown out of.

I like how you guys with happy childhoods are telling us to deal with a situation you don't even know

 

[Apone]

[MENTION=5090]Apone[/MENTION] many people in here have written about abuse they've gone through,abuse is not justified by any means,i agree nobody has all the answers when it comes to raising a child,but does that mean parents are allowed to act barbaric towards their children?

My point is when parents do good to a child,then it's ok to "reward" those parents by saying they were loving,nice,etc. but when a parents constantly do wrong to a child then people say"don't blame your parents".

I think it depends on how you look at it.

No, I don't know what your family was like… but if I focused only on the negatives, then I probably wouldn't be getting responses like:

'I like how you guys with happy childhoods are telling us to deal with a situation you don't even know'

I also wasn't specifically addressing anyone, so there's really no need to get so defensive.

 

[the]

I think it depends on how you look at it.

No, I don't know what your family was like… but if I focused only on the negatives, then I probably wouldn't be getting responses like:

'I like how you guys with happy childhoods are telling us to deal with a situation you don't even know'

I also wasn't specifically addressing anyone, so there's really no need to get so defensive.

Are you serious? You just voiced your support for the stop whining crowd, which I guess isn't specific - it's all inclusive of the ALL the people in this thread who said something negative.

 

[Apone]

Are you serious? You just voiced your support for the stop whining crowd, which I guess isn't specific - it's all inclusive of the ALL the people in this thread who said something negative.

Thank god [MENTION=731]the[/MENTION] is here to take the drama to the next level!

Instead of aggravating the situation next time maybe you should try to be more diplomatic and assume that my intent wasn't as malicious as yours almost always is.

All I mean is it's probably better to look at the positives and get over it as best you can.

If you truly did have an awful childhood (and I'm not saying that it isn't possible), then I feel sorry for you… but I do think it's important not to make things into a bigger issue than they actually are if applicable… that's all I'm saying.

 

[the]

Thank god @the is here to take the drama to the next level!

Instead of aggravating the situation next time maybe you should try to be more diplomatic and assume that my intent wasn't as malicious as yours almost always is.

All I mean is it's probably better to look at the positives and get over it as best you can.

If you truly did have an awful childhood (and I'm not saying that it isn't possible), then I feel sorry for you… but I do think it's important not to make things into a bigger issue than they actually are if applicable… that's all I'm saying.

as if you needed my help.

I actually assumed that you are an ignoramus and completely unself aware which is why I responded the way I did.

 

[ThisIsWhoIAm]

Thank god [MENTION=731]the[/MENTION] is here to take the drama to the next level!

Instead of aggravating the situation next time maybe you should try to be more diplomatic and assume that my intent wasn't as malicious as yours almost always is.

All I mean is it's probably better to look at the positives and get over it as best you can.

If you truly did have an awful childhood (and I'm not saying that it isn't possible), then I feel sorry for you… but I do think it's important not to make things into a bigger issue than they actually are if applicable… that's all I'm saying.

Well, the way people know that certain plants are poisonous, or that playing with fire can burn your house and hurt people, is by passing the knowledge of bad things that can happen, and pointing out the dangers in certain situations in life.

Not talking about bad things that happened will not make them go away. It will actually make them return.

Long story short, you're blaming hurt people for being hurt and sharing their emotions. Had enough fun yet?

 

[Nixie]

I can understand that some hurts go beyond what we are able to express in words. I can understand that seeing words that seem to make a mockery of that hurt bring out antagonistic feelings. However, I don't think that it is healthy to play the "you just don't understand" game. I mean, would you prefer that everyone had the childhood you did? In a way, that is the underlying feeling behind such responses...a child's need to lash out against the hurt and MAKE someone feel as they did (do). I would just like to say that having talked with you, I find the level of compassion, kindness and generous spirit you exhibit all the more wonderful considering the pain you endured as a child.

Childhood is such a hard topic for many reasons, and childhood hurts run deep. I personally have really great parents and I have spoken in my blog about how it pains me to see people disrespect their parents. I used to harbor lots of anger toward my parents about the things that hurt me. One day I had a sudden insight. I could either see my parents as human beings who made mistakes that hurt me or I could choose to say that they were horrible, evil people who hurt me terribly and did so on purpose. Once I made my choice, I was able to let things go. I choose to see my parents as human beings. I think childhood hurts run so deep because we are helpless and dependant upon our parents and they are our "god" figures...it pulls at our core of faith and trust in humankind when our parents do things that harm us.

 

[MindYourHead]

I like how you guys with happy childhoods are telling us to deal with a situation you don't even know

Exactly why I said I have no right to complain about my childhood.
I wouldn't dare tell anyone to "Just get over it!"

 

[Vict]

I choose to see my parents as human beings. I think childhood hurts run so deep because we are helpless and dependant upon our parents and they are our "god" figures...it pulls at our core of faith and trust in humankind when our parents do things that harm us.

That's a critical turning point. Living to see one's parents become merely human, as frail as anyone else. Equals.

 

[Apone]

Well, the way people know that certain plants are poisonous, or that playing with fire can burn your house and hurt people, is by passing the knowledge of bad things that can happen, and pointing out the dangers in certain situations in life.

I really don't think that talking about your childhood is going to make other people have better childhoods... it might feel good for you, though.

Not talking about bad things that happened will not make them go away. It will actually make them return.

Long story short, you're blaming hurt people for being hurt and sharing their emotions. Had enough fun yet?

Alright then-- DON'T get over it.

I find it extremely interesting how you've managed to take an offhand comment and blow it up into a major melodramatic mountain. It's actually a pretty solid example of how talking about things CAN make them worse-- ie: we're talking about this and it seems to be getting MUCH worse. You've basically just insinuated that I'm some kind of evil sadist who preys upon weak, innocent vulnerable people when they're sharing their most private emotions-- and all from 'I agree with the stop whining people'?

Neither of us are making this little conflict better by talking about it, and the only way it probably will get better is if we just let it go.... which is exactly what I'm going to do, because I honestly don't care enough about this OR this thread to keep it going.

 

[sprinkles]

Telling the truth isn't necessarily a complaint.

I'd say that seeing the truth as a negative reflects more on the nature of the truth than it does on the telling of it.

 

[rawr]

yup.

(note that i'm still learning what they taught me though.)

importance of responsibility, honesty, integrity, hard work, structure, listening, etc.

thank ya, mom!

 

[ThisIsWhoIAm]

I really don't think that talking about your childhood is going to make other people have better childhoods... it might feel good for you, though.



Alright then-- DON'T get over it.

I find it extremely interesting how you've managed to take an offhand comment and blow it up into a major melodramatic mountain. It's actually a pretty solid example of how talking about things CAN make them worse-- ie: we're talking about this and it seems to be getting MUCH worse. You've basically just insinuated that I'm some kind of evil sadist who preys upon weak, innocent vulnerable people when they're sharing their most private emotions-- and all from 'I agree with the stop whining people'?

Neither of us are making this little conflict better by talking about it, and the only way it probably will get better is if we just let it go.... which is exactly what I'm going to do, because I honestly don't care enough about this OR this thread to keep it going.

Talking about bad things that happened doesn't mean you are not over it / aren't getting over it.

Y'know it wouldn't kill you to apologize. Might hurt your ego though.

which is exactly what I'm going to do, because I honestly don't care enough about this OR this thread to keep it going.

You've just proven you are a dick

 

[ThisIsWhoIAm]

I can understand that some hurts go beyond what we are able to express in words. I can understand that seeing words that seem to make a mockery of that hurt bring out antagonistic feelings. However, I don't think that it is healthy to play the "you just don't understand" game. I mean, would you prefer that everyone had the childhood you did? In a way, that is the underlying feeling behind such responses...a child's need to lash out against the hurt and MAKE someone feel as they did (do). I would just like to say that having talked with you, I find the level of compassion, kindness and generous spirit you exhibit all the more wonderful considering the pain you endured as a child.

Childhood is such a hard topic for many reasons, and childhood hurts run deep. I personally have really great parents and I have spoken in my blog about how it pains me to see people disrespect their parents. I used to harbor lots of anger toward my parents about the things that hurt me. One day I had a sudden insight. I could either see my parents as human beings who made mistakes that hurt me or I could choose to say that they were horrible, evil people who hurt me terribly and did so on purpose. Once I made my choice, I was able to let things go. I choose to see my parents as human beings. I think childhood hurts run so deep because we are helpless and dependant upon our parents and they are our "god" figures...it pulls at our core of faith and trust in humankind when our parents do things that harm us.

First of all thank you for the compliments and i must say i much appreciate your compassion and insights as well. I wouldn't want anyone to have my childhood honestly... It's not the point of this argument(from my point of view anyway). I love my parents alive or not, and i love them in spite of what they've done and because of the good things they gave me (There were some. Like a warm bed etc). The thing is this - Some people here are telling me that i am a weak whiny human being because i speak about my past blaming my parents without doing anything to improve my life and that i have a victim mentality - That is just complete bullshit.

I probably have done in my 27 years of existence more than they can imagine. And i've had to deal with incredible amounts of pain and just bad things in life while doing so as well.

Are we not allowed to share our hurts? What is this the nazi police?

RA Salvatore once said in one of his books:

“Joy multiplies when it is shared among friends, but grief diminishes with every division. That is life.”

Now if you guys come here judging us for being human, maybe you should give yourselves a good look in the mirror and find out whether your compassion is controlling you or your cruelty. Stepping on hurt people just because you can is one of the lowest things a man can do in my book.

Just let people share their pain. Noone here asked to be preached. We just want to say what's in our hearts and on our minds.

 

[Tin Man]

My parents didn't impart the best of lessons but I chose to get over it. I was angry with them for a long time but when I directly confronted my father about the way he raised me I saw just how human he is.

It made me realise that if I'm going to blame my parents, I'll have to blame their parents, their grandparents, society and nature.