I personally don't dream of "the" one. I dream of "any" one that knows how to love like I do. Well, let me rephrase. One that loves me like I do him. I dream of conversations. Not being able to look away even though I am extremely nervous about prolonged eye contact, but somehow with him I am okay with it because he doesn't make me feel unworthy.. when he touches me, I lose my breath. When he asks do i feel it too, i can't help but to cry because FINALLY, someone to really be in love with that's also in love with me.
And this part is seriously superficial, but when I picture him (or sometimes I dream about him, (hmm, I guess it does mean I dream about THE one) I picture a medium or large built man, dark headed, preferable medium length to the bottom of his neck, maybe with wavy texture. Oh, dark eyes with an intelligent look, like a professor, or someone in a cafe in pursuit of knowledge in books, with either a goatee or trimmed beard, white, very attractive teeth, with shape to them, not denture looking straight. They most of the time have to have bigger lips, I don't know why I have such a fascination with mouths but I'm assuming it's because I've never had a pretty smile so I find others smiles very attractive. And because I look at people's mouth when they speak because I read lips to make sure I'm hearing what they say.
I realize this makes me sound betty superficial, but it's just my preferences, dreams and wishes. It doesn't mean I could not find a blonde guy attractive, as a matter of fact, one of the best looking actors to me was Paul Walker, a blonde with smaller lips and blue eyes. (RIP Paul.)
It also doesn't mean I would be against loving someone who didn't fit these descriptions. Because let's be honest, guys that look like "my type" could usually have anyone they wanted, so it's not highly likely they'd pick me unless they got to know me first. Please don't talk about me bashing myself, bc I'm not. I didn't say I was ugly, lol. It's just that I am a realist in some ways, and that's one. I go by the evidence, and I have plenty. So there.
Anyway. I don't care about ripped muscles, in fact if they have muscles, I'd prefer them to be smooth and not seriously defined. More filled out.
A girl can dream. I think I'm so fascinated about looks bc I've never had someone I found attractive and to have that would be a huge confidence boost. It would let me know that not all insanely attractive men go for equally insanely attractive women. That maybe, one of them would think i am beautiful. And actually just because they are less attractive doesn't mean That they like less attractive women. Most men... most i said... all like insanely attractive women. And i am just not one of them physically, I mean not the type that fits most of society's desires. Like say, Jessica Alba or someone like that. However if they got to know me, they would see my beauty and that would change their mind. That right there is truly the reason behind it all I think. My low confidence stems from not being "chosen" by mates that I would "choose" myself. Not having ever experienced that type of raw physical desire for someone that actually returned it.
It's so sad, and I am seriously embarrassed but y'all know me by know and I am honest and don't mind being vulnerable. I know it's going to make me available to critisism, but oh well. I know that I could love anyone no matter what they look like. I just don't believe that most guys around here are like that. Maybe there's a few, but I haven't met them. I'm surrounded by men who won't even look twice at you unless you've got the wow factor, even ones who don't have it themselves (like me, i know I'm being hypocritical to a point, but I CAN and would love anyone) will go for a drug head that looks great right now but in a few years will not.
Umm I'm sorry about my rant. I'm just really down about the whole thing. I mean... I've got to get over it. I want to be a better person. Sorry I detailed the thread. I'm gonna shut up now lol.
