do you feel like killing yourself?

i've had consistent thoughts of death and killing myself before, too, up to a night a couple of weeks ago. as i was lying in bed, suddenly i didn't want to die..i wanted to live life...i feared death...i dreaded death. in retrospect, i see that i realized finally that the world offered so much, that i still needed to do things and contribute to society, that i still needed to experience as many things as i could in life.
i'm pretty sure i suffered/suffer from dysthymia [though i've never actually been diagnosed...when i talked about this with my mother, she would scoff, and my father was the complete opposite..he was a little too passive]. the only thing that kept me going and from self-destructive behavior was my conviction that the future is going to be sooo much better. i kept going through my miserable years in high school, telling myself, "i'm done with today...this week...this semester...this year. only XX days left until graduation".
i'm sorry; it seems that my post is a little irrelevant to the OP's first post. *hugs* and keep looking forward (:
 
i've wondered about it...toyed with the idea...

... but my morals have kept me from going thru with them...

... although, there was a time of wrist-slitting once...
 
I don't think I can give you valuable advice on this TC, but I think it would be helpful to demonstrate that everyone has problems, including your vindictive "friends" and unsympathetic parents. By this I don't mean you should just suck it up and get over it, but it may help you understand where they are coming from.

I for example think about suicide regularly. Reasons have changed over the years but it has always been in the back of my mind. The most recent one is feeling like my life is useless or a waste and will amount to nothing, so I may as well save Darwin the effort by taking myself out of the gene pool and stop burdening society. However, my logic has always overpowered my feelings. I realise that my life is only what I make of it.
 
Pristinegirl said:
I'm sorry but I have to say that it takes will and courage to die as well, whatever death means that is...
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Interesting twist. If someone doesn't feel like living anymore, isn't it possible to die to the types of thinking that cause one to not appreciate and Love life anymore?

There is the story of the Phoenix Firebird who dies every 100 years and then is reborn in a fierce firestorm from her own ashes. So, like you can die to anger and hurt and lonliness and then be reborn again in Love with this Universe and all the loveliness it brings?
 
I think it takes incredible courage to die.

I don't wish for anyone to take their own life. But I do think it takes incredible courage. And even greater pain.

Have you heard people say that committing suicide is selfish?
Am I ignorant in thinking that it is ignorance speaking? And a lack of empathy, a lack of understanding, a lack of ability to relate? And selfishness?
 
Soulful said:
I think it takes incredible courage to die.

I don't wish for anyone to take their own life. But I do think it takes incredible courage. And even greater pain.

Have you heard people say that committing suicide is selfish?
Am I ignorant in thinking that it is ignorance speaking? And a lack of empathy, a lack of understanding, a lack of ability to relate? And selfishness?
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Oh yes it swirls inside my head when I hear such BULLSH*T. A total paradox!!!
 
hey,
screw everyone who doesnt care about you.

their words mean nothing.

do their words resonate with you and make you feel good?

or do they just make you feel like crap?

If they make you feel like crap, they are meaningless and you should pay them no mind.

easier said than done i know...
but once ya do it a few times...
youll get the hang of it. ;)

:m107:
besides, i love you....
so please dont kill yourself. lol :D <3
 
Human said:
hey,
screw everyone who doesnt care about you.

their words mean nothing.

do their words resonate with you and make you feel good?

or do they just make you feel like crap?

If they make you feel like crap, they are meaningless and you should pay them no mind.

easier said than done i know...
but once ya do it a few times...
youll get the hang of it. ;)

:m107:
besides, i love you....
so please dont kill yourself. lol :D <3
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That goes well along with this note I got from the Universe this morning! :smile:

You can rest assured, May, that those who have hurt you had absolutely no idea of what they were doing and what was really going on.

It never occurred to them that you'd become even more magnificent. That they'd be invoking your sympathy, adding to your compassion, and increasing your "sparkles." And it will still be eons before they can grasp that you actually welcomed them into your life and played their little games for some of these very reasons.

Cute.

Love you with all of my heart,
The Universe
Click to expand...
 
Soulful said:
I think it takes incredible courage to die.

I don't wish for anyone to take their own life. But I do think it takes incredible courage. And even greater pain.

Have you heard people say that committing suicide is selfish?
Am I ignorant in thinking that it is ignorance speaking? And a lack of empathy, a lack of understanding, a lack of ability to relate? And selfishness?
Click to expand...

I don't agree.

I think the reasons for taking one's own life must vary from individual to individual, but there's no denying that those who are left behind - who loved the person and were denied an opportunity to help the person who committed suicide, those who may have been left to clean up after the suicide - are often angry, bewildered, frustrated, and deeply scarred.

I don't think it's as clear cut as it might seem.

Suicide is not always noble. It can be, but sometimes it is a matter of cowardice and apathy and lack of imagination (on how to overcome the obstacles life presented them and which led them to end their lives) rather than bravery.

After all, with suicide, you only have to be brave that one last time. The loved ones you leave behind have to carry the scars and face each new day bravely, bearing them.

(I exempt from this perspective those with terminal and/or debilitating, painful illness.)
 
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Hi May,
:)
veryy niice!

Im glad,
and i really like that lil email you got. <3

so very true. :m107:
 
Pristinegirl said:
I'm sorry but I have to say that it takes will and courage to die as well, whatever death means that is...
Click to expand...

yea... sometimes, it seems that saying is much more easier said than done...

... for some people, they just lack a 360 degree view of the problems they have...
 
ZenCat said:
I don't agree.

I think the reasons for taking one's own life must vary from individual to individual, but there's no denying that those who are left behind - who loved the person and were denied an opportunity to help the person who committed suicide, those who may have been left to clean up after the suicide - are often angry, bewildered, frustrated, and deeply scarred.

I don't think it's as clear cut as it might seem.

Suicide is not always noble. It can be, but sometimes it is a matter of cowardice and apathy and lack of imagination (on how to overcome the obstacles life presented them and which led them to end their lives) rather than bravery.

After all, with suicide, you only have to be brave that one last time. The loved ones you leave behind have to carry the scars and face each new day bravely, bearing them.

(I exempt from this perspective those with terminal and/or debilitating, painful illness.)
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That's interesting ZenCat. Do you think though, that it could be said to be selfish?

What if the mental and emotional pain is incredibly severe? What if it is comparable to severe physical pain? That's like comparing watermelons and grapes, I know. Still, is not selfish to expect someone in an acute and chronic state of pain to endure that state so that the people around them can have solace in their continued presence/existence?

I don't think suicide is noble. I've never seen it in that light, although I do think it requires courage (for some more than others). And being inconsiderate of the way it's done - especially having family/friends have to clean up, or jumping in front of a car (having the driver bear that guilt/trauma) - yes, I think that's selfish. Still understandable, but selfish.

However, I think there is such a vast and incredible difference in the mental and emotional state of someone considering/planning suicide and someone in a healthier state. And especially for people who haven't ever experienced that (I don't mean people generally - not you specifically), I just don't always agree where they're coming from. I do believe that it's incomprehendable unless you've been there, and felt it - experienced the anguish, agony, and distress that just never gives out. So to call someone selfish FOR committing suicide, I just don't agree. It might feel selfish - because of the heavy burden that people are left to deal with. But as painful as that is, it was never about them to begin with.
 
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I watched some documentary a few weeks back called "The Bridge" about people who commit suicide by jumping off of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. I guess this filmmaker set up a camera to film the bridge and was stunned to see how many suicides he captured. So then he tracked down who those people were and interviewed witnesses and family members. Pretty nuts....there was this one couple who were so sad about their son, but they said he had been wanting to kill himself for many years, and they had discussed it. The son told the dad a few days before-hand that it was now time to do it, and the dad said, "are you sure?" and the son said, "yes, I am totally sure." And the dad said, "ok." And then the son jumped off the bridge.

Pretty crazy -- the movie was 90 minutes but I could really only sit through the first thirty and then turned it off. It was fascinating to see all these people and these stories (and then the footage was all captured as well) but it was pretty depressing I have to say.
 
i remember when i was like 15 or 16...
and didnt want to be here anymore..

I talked t an older gentleman i knew,
and told him that i was thinking about leaving this body for good..

He said to me..
"well, i really dont think you want to do that, take this advice he said: " If you feel like you want to kill yourself... use what power you do have left and make yourself wait for 48 hours, See then, if you still feel the same about it" I bet you wont"

He was right. lol :)
<3

The more shit you endure, the stronger and better you will become.
and once that crap is over.. it WILL be sweet!! :m107:


interesting story on the bridge KoS! thanks for sharing.

Good advice Soulful!
 
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Soulful said:
That's interesting ZenCat. But do you really think it could be said to be selfish?

What if the mental and emotional pain is incredibly severe? What if it is comparable to severe physical pain? That's like comparing watermelons and grapes, I know. Still, is not selfish to expect someone in an acute and chronic state of pain to endure that state so that the people around them can have solace in their continued presence/existence?

I don't think suicide is noble. I've never seen it in that light, although I do think it requires courage (for some more than others). And being inconsiderate of the way it's done - especially having family/friends have to clean up, or jumping in front of a car (having the driver bear that guilt/trauma) - yes, I think that's selfish. Still understandable, but selfish.

However, I think there is such a vast and incredible difference in the mental and emotional state of someone considering/planning suicide and someone in a healthier state. And especially for people who haven't ever experienced that (I don't mean people generally - not you specifically), I just don't always agree where they're coming from. I do believe that it's incomprehendable unless you've been there, and felt it - experienced the anguish, agony, and distress that just never gives out. So to call someone selfish FOR committing suicide, I just don't agree. It might feel selfish - because of the heavy burden that people are left to deal with. But as painful as that is, it was never about them to begin with.
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That's why I exempted those living with chronic pain/terminal illness from the perspective. That's an entirely different situation. I am a staunch supporter of merciful euthanasia and physician assisted suicide. And I take my hat off to those who find the empathy for those they leave behind and consider what their choices will mean to them.. and go off somewhere, privately, where they may not be found or take the time to make it look like an accident. Instead of creating a spectacle for innocents to discover and carry the memory of for life. I think those who do this are by far the exception to the rule, though.

And yes, I do consider some acts of suicide to be selfish. Even cowardly.

We're seeing an increase in suicides in the current economic downfall (this is a trend which has been observed during other severe economic crises). There have been any number of news reports of (mostly) men committing suicide because they lost their job, could no longer afford to pay their mortgage, bills, etc. Some of these individuals took their wives and kids out with them. Those who did not left their wives and children to sort these issues out on their own, only they added the devastating burden of being a suicide survivor to the already existing severe challenge. Not to mention most life insurance policies become null and void in the event of suicide.

To me, that is a clear indication of selfishness.

As far as those who believe suicide can be (and often is) a reckless, careless, selfish act...

Have you heard people say that committing suicide is selfish?
Am I ignorant in thinking that it is ignorance speaking? And a lack of empathy, a lack of understanding, a lack of ability to relate? And selfishness?
Click to expand...
I believe it is possible that many (though not all) people who hold this belief and who say these things may be suicide survivors. I don't believe in every case that it's ignorance, or lack of empathy, or lack of understanding, or lack of ability to relate. I certainly don't think it's selfishness.

To gain perspective, I encourage those who are interested in seeing both sides to research suicide survivor support groups and websites. Often, the stigma associated with suicide denies the loved ones of those who commit suicide the traditional bereavement rituals commonly associated with natural death.

Often, people are so uncomfortable they don't even extend condolences to the surviving family. They don't attend the funerals. They don't send cards, or flowers. They don't mention it because they don't know what to say. It leaves the survivors feeling isolated, guilty, ashamed, angry, and so many other things on top of the incalculable sadness of feeling like someone would throw away a life they shared with you, thereby forever changing your life (and the life of your shared children).

Many suicide survivors may share the chronic possibly genetic predisposition to depression that led their loved ones to suicide. There can very well be an understanding of the urge, but a rejection of the act.

Many of us can contemplate suicide, and live in deep despair, but find a foothold in life in knowing the ravages your suicide will bring to those who love you. For some, acknowledging that love... feeling that empathy... can be the first step toward getting help, and rebuilding or remaking your life.
 
In regards to that doc. King mentioned: I can't imagine a parent giving the 'ok' for their child to kill themself. I've struggled with those thoughts in the sense that I once felt for quite some time, "Someday, I'm going to do it. It's just going to happen and it won't even be a rational decision, it will be the result of me snapping and losing my mind." I find it hard to believe that anyone rationally chooses to end their life. A healthy brain just doesn't function that way.

This person needed help, medical attention or extensive counseling. I am very sad to have read that something like that happened.

I almost violently disagree with the idea that it takes "courage" to die willfully. It takes courage to live and face your problems and yourself and it takes courage to heal.

Soulseeker- What your parents said was awful.. Those are horribly abusive things to say to someone, and you don't deserve that kind of treatment, nobody deserves to be treated like that. Your friends were bad friends, too. But to consider killing yourself is not the answer. Your life is worth more than to be thrown away because of the horrible way people treat you.

I hope you find the strength to overcome this and to come out of this situation and to learn some lesson from it, whether it be a lesson to strengthen your empathy so that you are more apt to comfort hurt people and so that you are more sensitive to the feelings of others with your actions and words. Whatever the lesson you choose to learn be, you can come out of this a stronger person if you choose to. And remember that although you're going through hell right now, this will not be the rest of your life. Everything passes. When I was a teenager, I had similiar thoughts like yours as well. <3
 
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