do you feel like killing yourself?

Pristinegirl said:
I'm sorry but I have to say that it takes will and courage to die as well, whatever death means that is...
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Don't be sorry ...

I am definately the odd ball here ... I do believe that it is very selfish to take your own life; I believe that it is the act of a coward, too scared or lazy to find a better way to cope with the issues that need to be addressed or confronted. There is some religion in my belief as well, but it comes secondary.

My uncle, who grew up as my brother ... I've mentioned him in other threads ... killed himself. He left so many behind that mourned him! Including my sister and I who were barely teenagers and never even knew that his leaving us for good was a possibility at such a young age.

My mother tried to kill herself as well. I was pregnant at the time. I went to the hospital and asked her what was she thinking, she replied that she was tired of life and did not want to go on ... I told her that had she succeeded, or if she tried again and succeeded, I would not see her dead, and I would never speak her name to my child. Needless to say my family made some changes, and though things are not perfect, we have come a very long way. Recently she thanked me, she said she clung to life for my baby and now 17 years later she can't imagine loving anyone more than my son and her other grandchildren.

I know that everyone's experiences help form their particular views; these happen to be mine. I will not apologize for them, nor do I expect anyone else to apologize for seeing things differently.
 
CokeNut said:
I am definately the odd ball here ... I do believe that it is very selfish to take your own life; I believe that it is the act of a coward, too scared or lazy to find a better way to cope with the issues that need to be addressed or confronted. There is some religion in my belief as well, but it comes secondary.
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I'm with Cokenut, except for the religion part.
 
Motor Jax said:
some people are drawn to be very narrow-minded when it comes to problems...

... that tunnel vision is a b*tch sometimes...
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I cant help but think that this may be a passive-agressive swipe at me and our problems ... but on the off chance that you were talking about this particular topic ...

Doesn't it seem that suicide is the most narrow minded solution? I mean if you choose to live then you have many more choices ahead of you, if you choose to die then that's the only decision you have to make.
 
CokeNut said:
I cant help but think that this may be a passive-agressive swipe at me and our problems ... but on the off chance that you were talking about this particular topic ...

Doesn't it seem that suicide is the most narrow minded solution? I mean if you choose to live then you have many more choices ahead of you, if you choose to die then that's the only decision you have to make.
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Far be it from me to speak to anyone else's intentions, but I thought Motor Jax just meant that when someone is suicidal, that they might not see the world most clearly.

I don't know, there are chemical imbalances abound in my family and about half drink themselves slowly to death. The other half make you want to drink yourself slowly to death. That's why you often see multiple suicides or suicide attempts in one family... like the Hemingways. They aren't doing it out of selfishness (ok maybe a little) but out of pain. When you're in pain, your first instinct is to not be in pain. By any means neccesary.


When you're a certain kind of depressed you can justify that people would be better off without you. That you're making things harder for them by moping around and crying all the time when you know they can't help you. Depression is a diseases of utter hopelessness and self hatred. The death of hope, is spiritually difficult.

I'm not suicidal, but I have bad problems with depression. I've wanted to kill myself, but I'm a stubborn tough broad who shines better in the face of adversity than in comfort, and I'm not going to let Life or anything else get in the way of what I want to accomplish. I can't kill myself, it isn't on my schedule :).

I don't think suicide is a corageous act or a cowadly one, just a sad mistake. And until I've walked a mile in someone else's stilettoes, I can't judge.

(But I'm pretty much tone deaf to passive agression. I recognize it *sometimes*, but I find it amusing and telling.)
 
JustNickey said:
Far be it from me to speak to anyone else's intentions, but I thought Motor Jax just meant that when someone is suicidal, that they might not see the world most clearly.
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... precisely...

JustNickey said:
I don't know, there are chemical imbalances abound in my family and about half drink themselves slowly to death. The other half make you want to drink yourself slowly to death. That's why you often see multiple suicides or suicide attempts in one family... like the Hemingways. They aren't doing it out of selfishness (ok maybe a little) but out of pain. When you're in pain, your first instinct is to not be in pain. By any means neccesary.


When you're a certain kind of depressed you can justify that people would be better off without you. That you're making things harder for them by moping around and crying all the time when you know they can't help you. Depression is a diseases of utter hopelessness and self hatred. The death of hope, is spiritually difficult.

I'm not suicidal, but I have bad problems with depression. I've wanted to kill myself, but I'm a stubborn tough broad who shines better in the face of adversity than in comfort, and I'm not going to let Life or anything else get in the way of what I want to accomplish. I can't kill myself, it isn't on my schedule :).

I don't think suicide is a corageous act or a cowadly one, just a sad mistake. And until I've walked a mile in someone else's stilettoes, I can't judge.

(But I'm pretty much tone deaf to passive agression. I recognize it *sometimes*, but I find it amusing and telling.)
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this is an awesome point of view... i agree with it being just a sad, sad mistake...
 
CokeNut said:
Doesn't it seem that suicide is the most narrow minded solution? I mean if you choose to live then you have many more choices ahead of you, if you choose to die then that's the only decision you have to make.
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Devil's advocate... I think it could only be narrow if you really do have all those choices ahead of you. And from the mindset of someone who feels suicidal, you don't (or aren't likely to).

I like what JustNickey said.
 
Last edited:
If anyone remember I wrote a letter to UCLA delayed.
Here is what they responded

Dear Michelle:

We have reviewed your request for a late application for Fall 2009. Although we can appreciate your situation, we regret to inform you that we cannot accommodate your request.

UCLA receives more on time applications from well-prepared students than we can possibly admit each year. As a result of a very competitive process, thousands of qualified students are denied admission. At this late date, we cannot in all fairness accept another application.

If you are interested in applying to UCLA for a future term, please visit http://www.admissions.ucla.edu for more information about the upcoming application filing periods.

We wish you success in your academic endeavors.

UCLA Undergraduate Admissions
And Relations with Schools
 
Well Pristine, its what you had to expect.

But you tried. The dream is not dead yet. Make sure your next application is on time! You can STILL get there (here).
 
I'm sorry to hear that Pristine. I know it's something that's very important to you.

I agree with Alcyone's thoughts.. don't give up!

Hang in there :)
 
Sucks PristineGirl :(

How about next semester? Can you apply for the spring, as opposed to the Fall?
 
::hugs::

Don't fret Michelle Ma Belle, you're too passionate and driven a person to let this hold you back for long. Perhaps this wasn't the right time and it happened this way for a reason that is yet unclear. This too shall pass and you'll live to fight another day. I know it hurts right now, just get through this part. Keep busy busy busy and think of a Plan B, C and D. I say you can do it and I'm, like, made completely of awesome. Sending good vibes your way.....

:m032:
 
Coke Nut: I feel kinda passive-aggression towards you now. You sound very much like my father, trying to guilt trip the victim. It's so cheap, you sell yourself so short imo. And It actually sounds very selfish and uncaring on your part (paradox).

Anyway. You make assumption that the suicidal person owe's everyone around him/her something, their life. Maybe if that's not the case...?

If I would see a women standing on a bridge far from the occean (enough height to make her dead) and she was about to kill herself. I would probably not think about immediately how much that person owe's other people something, but more: how did she come to this? why is she wanting this? and what does she feel now?

Opposed to you, I would interpersonalize the situation and would want to relate and feel EMPATHY for her. It's kinda funny that I'm the judger and you are a perciever, yet, you still seem pretty closeminded imo.

My point is. You can't just say suicide is selfish because there's several reasons for suicide.
 
Thanks all of you guys for being so supportive and nice. I have actually been avoiding this thread because as you would guess I don't like the title too much. Nor do I like to think in those terms xD


JustNickey said:
::hugs::

Don't fret Michelle Ma Belle, you're too passionate and driven a person to let this hold you back for long. Perhaps this wasn't the right time and it happened this way for a reason that is yet unclear. This too shall pass and you'll live to fight another day. I know it hurts right now, just get through this part. Keep busy busy busy and think of a Plan B, C and D. I say you can do it and I'm, like, made completely of awesome. Sending good vibes your way.....

:m032:
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Hahah aww thank you so much, you really cheered me up. For one, my dad used to sing that beatles song to me when I was young ^^ I am really feeling the vibes and hope that they will be persistent haha.
It is rather disturbing because my dad wants me to go to buisness school in like Austria or since I told him that I wan't to become a psychiatrist, he suggested that I should come and study medicine where he lives (poland). He tells me that he has great contacts and that I should take the easy road instead the hard long road.

This is really annoying because university is like the next 5 years of my life and of course I do not want to take a hard long road. But I don't wan't the 'short road' either because that is not my dream.

KingOfSpades said:
Sucks PristineGirl :(

How about next semester? Can you apply for the spring, as opposed to the Fall?
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Yea it really sucks :/ I read that they will have fall applications due to the bad California economy. That way, I can start by January if I get in. This will also allow me to save up some money for it without extensively making me loose a whole year.


alcyone said:
Well Pristine, its what you had to expect.

But you tried. The dream is not dead yet. Make sure your next application is on time! You can STILL get there (here).
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I try to hold on that dream, but it is hard when the odds look bad especially inside my mind. Thank you for reaffirming it to me. Sometimes it drifts away whereas sometimes I feel that I will reach the top ^^

Soulful said:
I'm sorry to hear that Pristine. I know it's something that's very important to you.

I agree with Alcyone's thoughts.. don't give up!

Hang in there :)
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Thank you so much. It is very important and if it drifts away completely and if I would give up, it would haunt me forever. I would regret it and suffer forever in eternity.
 
soulseeker said:
I don't know what to do...... i know we have a feeling of being rejected

so this is my story...... i had a lot of friends i had a close close friend.(FRIEND B)..... then FRIEND A talked behind my back they told bad stuffs about me(HURTFUL STUFFS LIKE i'm soo poor and i'm a nobody, that i don't have a car i don't have anything i can't buy this and that.... because i go to a school where people are rich and i'm not i feel like i don't belong...... so she gossips about how small my house is and how my parents are weird and how i'm fat) TO FRIEND B AND C.... then i didn't mind it at first thinking it was just ok because i thought FRIEND A would change then it repeated again and as time grew i can't take it anymore i quit my group of friends and started to hang out with my other frirends but to clear things up, THE FIGHT WAS BETWEEN ME AND FRIEND A THEN SUDDENLY FOR I DON'T KNOW WHAT REASON, FRIEND B AND C STARTED TO GET MAD AT ME AND i don't know why.....they made faces....SO IT WAS JUST OK but then my situation with my other friends, they also make me feel out of place i don't know what to do again then from top 1(in class) i became top 10 and i feel so ashamed now i don't have friends, FRIENDS A B AND C will laugh at me and then i'm out of place then i cried to my tutor i expected to be comforted but just made me feel more down... then i cried to my parents i was also expecting that they would comfort me then suddenly, my mother shouted at me she said I WAS THE PROBLEM, I DIDN'T STUDY HARD WELL IN FACT I STUDY AT 6 AND SLEEP AT 12 AM AND WAKE UP AT 4 AM JUST TO STUDY..... SHE SAID I AM THE PROBLEM IT'S ALL MY FAULT IT'S MY FAULT WHY MY FRIENDS LAUGH AT ME MY FAULT WHY I FEEL THAT I'M SOO BRAVE BUT IN FACT I CAN'T DO ANYTHING....... THEN MY DAD COMFORTED ME BUT SUDDENLY HE SHOUTED AT ME HE TOLD ME THAT THEY WISHED THEY GAVE ME TO OTHER PARENTS THEY WISH THEY DIDNT HAVE A CHILD HE REPEATED THAT A LOT OF TIMES THEN FINALLY HE SAID HE DIDN'T LIKE ME AND ALSO REPEATED THAT A LOT OF TIMES then he said that I GAVE ALL THE PROBLEMS TO MY FAMILIY I AM THE PROBLEM HE SAID THAT GOD GAVE ME THESE PROBLEMS BECAUSE I FIGHT BACK WHEN THEY SERMON ME BUT HOW CAN I NOT FIGHT BACK WHEN THEY'RE TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I DIDNT STUDY HARD I AM THE PROBLEM I GIVE THEM THE PROBLEMS THEY HAVE IN LIFE I AM THE SOURCE OF ALL OF THEIR PROBLEMS...THEN THEY BOTH WENT OUT TO EAT........ AND I DONT KNOW WHY GOD GAVE ME THIS LIFE........ I WANT TO KILL MYSELF!!!!
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It can be very hard to live in this world especially with people who make it harder.
I have three friends from High School who I had such great times with, till this day I care for them very deeply but we don't talk as much as we use to. In fact one of them that I considered to be my best friend in the whole wide world turned to out to be very egotistical and a bit verbally abusive.
My parents were not as much help either I don't feel as emotionally connected as I think I should be with them.
With all this I contemplated suicide, I felt so out of place but I never went through with it. If anything that all this has taught me is that these things are a part life that these problem can help make you stronger, I mean that...In the most sympathetic way possible. My point being soulseeker is that keep holding on to your life because it's yours and no one can take that away from you. Eventually the storm will pass and the sun shine clearer than ever.
 
Honestly, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Look at it this way. What is a diamond? It's a lump of coal that was put under extreme heat and pressure for a very long time. That lump was then cut, shaped, and polished. Congratulations! You're on your way to becoming treasure!

Obviously, there's something useful in you. People who are given everything in life react in a hostile fashion towards those who are willing to work for it. What matters is how you see yourself. It's your life. You don't owe any of them a damn thing. Live your life, not theirs.
 
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