Do you hold grudges?

[Detective Conan]

I don't bother with grudges, per say, but I do remember things and some things I remember have negative emotions attached to them...

 

[AhSver]

I thought an INFJ doorslam is when you strategically excise an individual from your life...

I like my take on the INFP door slam: make a pile of her cards and love notes, stockings, underwear, discs, etc into a pile, poor over lighter fluid to soak the garbage nice and well (at that time don't be deceived, it is garbage, incarnation of lies, useless junk and must be treated this brutal way with a lack of sentimentality). Crank open a beer, hopefully invite a few close buddies and dance around the fire. Than shaving head, face, painting a bike frame in a different color, seeing a Air Force recruiter, going home, continuing the party, blacking out, waking up in the same bed with my good friend under covers, whiskey's gone, wild Irish rose is gone, the stash is polished; good thing nothing happened, she was always sexy for me but I never wanted to cross the boundaries. Happiness and the surreal aspect of the night before is strong enough to overshadow everything else.. life goes on. The more emotions and memories, eccentricity are in the door-slam involved, the better will the next day's effects on the mental state of the sufferer.

Ambien brings down.. Can't type no more.. Sleep...

 

[Stella]

I hold regrets/sadness, but not really grudges. I mean, it'll start as simmering anger, but my anger always ends in tears.

For example, I once had a very good friend who turned out to hate me after a while. At first I was angry at her because she was a very good friend when we were friends, but now I just feel regret that we are no longer friends because of all that could have resulted from having her as a friend.

Another example, and the only real one I can imagine at the moment: When I was younger a guy bullied me severely. I've forgiven him because it doesn't matter anymore, but I feel sad that he bullied me because it messed me up for quite a while.

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I thought an INFJ doorslam is when you strategically excise an individual from your life...

I've done that. I had (another) friend who was terrible to my best friend. She still wanted to be friends with me, but I wanted nothing to do with her. So I basically ignored her in passing, and gave my "deathstare" and answered in short responses whenever she spoke directly to me. It worked perfectly and I highly recommend it.

 

[Troisi]

I do my best not to, it has proven to be very bad for me. Letting go is more beneficial.

I agree with this. Just let go because you can't change the past.

 

[Matariki]

No, I don't tend to hold grudges, I prefer not to. They aren't healthy and cause more trouble than good. It doesn't mean that I don't get angry with people, It means at the end of the day I try not to let my anger get the better of me.
Forgiveness is my way of gaining control over what I couldn't at the time and puts the person who did wrong to me at my mercy, whether they are sorry or not doesn't matter, thats their problem. Forgiveness allows me to move on without carrying the other person's baggage of negativity. Its not easy, but it makes you a stronger person, espeically when you've walked away with a nugget of knowledge that you can apply to avoid similar situations in the future.

IMO; Forgiving is not forgetting, its letting go and moving on. Holding a grudge is like living in the memory of conflict.

 

[Mogura]

I find the whole concept of forgiveness to be curious one. It's as if all of the douchebags of society have gathered together and developed a vehicle to guilt trip individuals into believing that they themselves are somehow bad or morally decrepit for being wary or cautious of said douchebags' repeated and future douchebaggery. The douchebags have cleverly marketed this scheme with cliches and catch phrases (e.g., "It's better to forgive...") such that it has become "normal" and accepted into our collective consciousness. Christians and other hypocrites would no doubt lap this shit up, and try to cram it down everyone's throats, as it serves their douchebag values quite well.

Ah, but they haven't fooled me. Not one iota.

I don't forgive, and I see nothing wrong with that. Mind you, it's not as if I'm expending extra energy to achieve this state of unforgiveness--I'm not. But the way I see it, life is short--very short. If you wrong me in some grievous or heinous way, then I move on. I'd rather focus on meeting positive, uplifting, inspiring, authentic individuals than deal with someone else's bullshit or games.

 

[bickelz]

Yeah... things people say or do stick with me, especially if they're negative.

 

[Detective Conan]

I find the whole concept of forgiveness to be curious one. It's as if all of the douchebags of society have gathered together and developed a vehicle to guilt trip individuals into believing that they themselves are somehow bad or morally decrepit for being wary or cautious of said douchebags' repeated and future douchebaggery. The douchebags have cleverly marketed this scheme with cliches and catch phrases (e.g., "It's better to forgive...") such that it has become "normal" and accepted into our collective consciousness. Christians and other hypocrites would no doubt lap this shit up, and try to cram it down everyone's throats, as it serves their douchebag values quite well.

Ah, but they haven't fooled me. Not one iota.

I don't forgive, and I see nothing wrong with that. Mind you, it's not as if I'm expending extra energy to achieve this state of unforgiveness--I'm not. But the way I see it, life is short--very short. If you wrong me in some grievous or heinous way, then I move on. I'd rather focus on meeting positive, uplifting, inspiring, authentic individuals than deal with someone else's bullshit or games.

As I said above, I don't hold grudges... however, I do believe in the Golden Rule (treat those as you would like to be treated), so when someone is rude and an otherwise asshole to me, I have no problem doing the same thing back to them. I don't consider it a grudging behavior, since grudges, in my opinion, are only grudges if the feelings are held on to after the event or situation that provoked said feelings has passed... my behavior only lasts as long as their's

 

[CAptain]

I used to and doing so made me into a boiling wretched mess. I was filled with unpure thoughts and was bitter to the bone. Basically, I was holding on to her....

God forgives...I know I can do the same.

 

[Nixie]

I would say that I don't hold grudges.

I will say that if I reach a point where I don't like you, I don't like you and nothing will change that. I will remain professional if it is someone I work with and minimize contact. If it is someone in my personal life I will leave them behind without a second glance. It isn't so much a grudge as a decision to acknowledge that the two of us just don't get along or that this person is undeserving of my attention and I should have nothing to do with them. If things reach a certain point or if something particularly horrible happens, I don't mind walking away from an interpersonal relationship. To me, this isn't grudge holding.

A grudge to me encompasses a single act or something that lingers and you put energy into it the feeling. I tend to get over stuff if you give me enough time and space. I am relatively forgiving in nature. I like to follow a simple rule: I'll let you be human if you let me be human. We make mistakes and we should learn to forgive each other.