Do you like being PMed?

[Gaze]

I like the idea that we can PM each other, though to me it can be as intimidating as approaching someone I don't know and attempting to strike up conversation in real life, which I'm too shy to do.

When I was new to the boards I remember sending a pm to a member who had given me a reputation point, thanking them for it and complimenting them in turn. Though it was well-received I remember that curiously this member (of the opposite sex) casually mentioned that she was already satisfied in a committed relationship. This surprised me as it seemed to be mentioned apropos of nothing and so I got it in my head that pm's in general might not be quite so casual as they initially appeared. Though I'm now convinced that this is not necessarily the case throughout the boards, it did increase my skittishness about sending pm's to people, and consequently I rarely receive them myself.

This is interesting because although it's not always easy to know someone's intentions when sending an email, my policy is, don't assume anything. I've always appreciated the warm thx or kind words people give by PM, just to be nice or supportive. And when i respond, i usually try to focus on acknowledging the appreciation, although i'm not sure how it comes across. But i've always liked that many here are geniuinely sweet people, who say sweet things just to be nice and sweet, and doesn't need to be taken as something more. Even if i think it may mean something more, i keep that to myself. I feel uncomfortable bringing something up if someone hasn't expressed direct interest in an email.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

This is interesting because although it's not always easy to know someone's intentions when sending an email, my policy is, don't assume anything. I've always appreciated the warm thx or kind words people give by PM, just to be nice or supportive. And when i respond, i usually try to focus on acknowledging the appreciation, although i'm not sure how it comes across. But i've always liked that many here are geniuinely sweet people, who say sweet things just to be nice and sweet, and doesn't need to be taken as something more. Even if i think it may mean something more, i keep that to myself. I feel uncomfortable bringing something up if someone hasn't expressed direct interest in an email.

I think that's a good approach. I was just a bit shaken in the instance that I mentioned because it was the first pm I ever sent.

 

[SamE]

I'm more curious about the initiation of pm's, what percentage is there, do females pm more often or do males pm more?
Would Males pm more often to women then men?
Would Women pm more often to women then men?

 

[TinyBubbles]

I'm more curious about the initiation of pm's, what percentage is there, do females pm more often or do males pm more?
Would Males pm more often to women then men?
Would Women pm more often to women then men?

women are supposedly more focused on relationships than men so that should correlate to a higher rate of conversation-starting. i think shyness would factor into it though, perhaps distorting the results. if we could take shyness out of the picture, i'd guess you'd see a lot more pm's by both sexes, but in general more from females, because IMO it's just more socially conventional for women to make small talk (and men seem to dislike it a lot more too - of course there are always exceptions)

 

[rawr]

PMs are interesting because of course you can discuss things you wouldn't or couldn't on the public forums. Now, a few people have mentioned wanting to be PMed and interact more with others on the forum through this system.

So, do you like being PMed? If yes why, if not, why not?

yep....why? i don't know, they are a little more special and take more effort than just posting something on the regular boards i suppose. plus, the conversations can take a different form.

 

[Feelings]

not to sound snotty, but there's veeerrryy few ppl who i actually want to spend time talking to
and those few ppl i REAAALLLY want to get to know, like thoroughly
i'm quite polarized in my feelings in general

 

[xoHolic]

I love being pm'd. The only problem is that I rarely ever get to know anyone well enough that we'd be comfortable pm'ing each other.

 

[SamE]

women are supposedly more focused on relationships than men so that should correlate to a higher rate of conversation-starting. i think shyness would factor into it though, perhaps distorting the results. if we could take shyness out of the picture, i'd guess you'd see a lot more pm's by both sexes, but in general more from females, because IMO it's just more socially conventional for women to make small talk (and men seem to dislike it a lot more too - of course there are always exceptions)

Oh okay that makes some sense I suppose.