Do you lose yourself when you like or love someone?

[jessvj]

What really annoys me is when I screw up easy tasks when I am around said person, I am really intelligent, yet when I am around that person I stumble on words, become extremely silent, and say things completely without thought, mostly irrational stuff and I become incredibly dull, seriously, this only happened the past two years. This is the first girl I have ever had feelings for, it is truly weird, there have been others in the past, but it was always just bleh....

 

[acd]

Disciplining our thoughts is good, no doubt, but i think it has to match or fit with where we are emotionally to be effective in the long term.

Gahh! you're on holiday and I just now saw this..

I'm not entirely sure I understand what this means, but I'll try..

I was trying to say that disciplining one's thoughts is what someone can do to pull themself out of a bad or uncomfortable emotional place.

I don't think it is an ingenuine process. Unhappy feelings in a lot of cases, tend to be the result of some issue that has not been resolved... it sits inside us and evolves until it turns into something barely recognizable and nearly unintelligable..

But through thinking about it, it is possible to work out the emotional knots. That is why I don't typically settle on bad feelings. Bad feelings indicate a wound that needs mending. Thinking it through can mend the wound. Thinking positively and optimistically, is the salve that seals out any garbage.

I don't find that people are helpless when it comes to their emotional states. From what I can tell, people usually have the ability to choose to be content or happy, it's just that we rarely grant ourselves that power.
I would think that would be an empowering thought.

If I'm wrong in understanding what you meant, please correct me. I found your statement curious and I'm probably not grasping it well.

 

[Detective Conan]

So, do you lose yourself when you like or are "in love" with someone?

I used to, but not so much anymore. Like the monkey who gets either a shock or a banana from a decision, I've learned what works out best for me through trial and error (with an overgenerous amount of emphasis on the error part...). When I did lose myself when I liked or loved someone, things became overly complicated; naturally, these complications always came from false experiences appearing real (a.k.a. FEAR). I acted strange around said subject, which never helped my case. Oddly enough, contrary to what most people believe about it, love doesn't make me feel like myself (probably because it causes me to not act like myself).

Have you ever thought about or identified the reasons why?

I thought about why I acted so out of character when I ended up liking someone. Really, I just think it's because I stumble over "what if"s about matters of the heart waaaay too much.

How do you manage your feelings so that you don't? Or how do you avoid this?

Hmm, I may have to get back with you on that one. I honestly don't know how to avoid my problems, other than trying to avoid the cause.

 

[Gaze]

I think some great points have been brought up here...wanting to be the person who your dating wants to love...Trying to fit the mold so to speak...well I got tired of trying to fit the mold...I got tired of the pretty boys and their expectations.

I went for Real people. some one I didnt have to pretend to be something I wasnt...

and, ya know...thats all anyone ever wants in a relationship...is to be REAL with each other.

Strongly agree. This is what i'm striving for atm. I need to lose the ideals and learn to appreciate what's real.

Some people just are not compatible no matter how much you love them, or it may be a destructive compatibility. Either way the mental and physical health of yourself and loved one must always be considered.

Agree.

I become stupid around the people I desire. Grrrrr

Me too. Yeah, i don't seem like the smartest cookie when i like someone. I'm like rubber pretty much. I can almost see myself saying "mold me to your will" (subconsciously of course).

Yes I do. I am totally encompassed in my emotions! It is so gut wrenching and yet so amazing that I can feel SO much an SO deeply. It is a love-hate relationship : )

I use it to my advantage. It is easier for me to do my painting and poetry when I am in an emotional state, so I work on my art and writing.

I haven't really learned to control the emotions. All I've been able to do is either go with them and use them, or totally detach myself and not feel anything. Idk.

Same here.

whenever I open up to someone I become very vulnerable, I get easily hurt and will easily lose myself in this person, it becomes hard to know who I am, what my thoughts are and instead on focusing on myself, I focus on the other persons needs. It is hard to find a balance between opening myself up enough to feel and show my love and not bringing myself to much in risk of losing my sense of self.

I think ACD is right on. Accepting yourself the way you are seem to be the only way to not lose yourself in a relationshiop because if you are comfortable with who you are, you don't feel the need of changing yourself since you only change the parts you think or not ok. It is indeed not that easy and takes a lot of time of correcting yourself every time you think ill of yourself. I'm trying to do the same thing with myself now and I can already see great progress. Every time I think I made a mistake or that I'm not good enough I remind myself that it is not true. And deep down I KNOW that in the end I'm perfect the way I am, and that I only think I'm not ok because i believe society thinks this way (are you still with me ). And the more I accept myself the happier I am, the better I feel, the more I show others AND the more others accept me for who I am. It is a visious circle. And accepting yourself doesn't mean that you do different things or neglect certain obligations, you only change your thoughts/emotions about it, accept it the way it is...

Good post.

I invest a lot of emotion in people. Sometimes, I'd forget about myself as a result. Most times I hid a lot of myself because I sort of revered the person and didn't want to reveal my flaws. It was okay for others to have flaws, because I would accept them, but I didn't think they would accept mine in turn.I didn't want to feel the hurt (very selfish) of rejection, so I'd lie through omission.

Very similar.

How do you manage your feelings so that you don't? Or how do you avoid this?

I still rever people and I still have the fear of not having my flaws accepted. I look at myself as a walking paradox a lot of times, and I don't like seeing myself this way. But I've learned that I have to remember people are humans..heh, myself included. I should be holding them to the same standards as I would hold myself, while relaxing the perfectionist tendencies I tend to have in regards to myself. I have to find the balance there.

It's still a work in progress.

Agree.

 

[Rogue]

what acd said, good post.

I had this happen to me three times in my life and once you're on that roller-coaster it can be hard to get off. I find regular reality checks really help with things like this.

I agree too. I found that I didn't like that roller-coaster, and also I couldn't enjoy the relationship because I was getting jerked around so much. When I couldn't stand on my own two feet the relationship became unbalanced then died. Relationships work when there are two people in them.

 

[yepunsarang]

WellNoWonder, and other folks, good insight on keeping yourself!
I definitely agree...if you want to maintain at least some hold on yourself when in love, you must have a good sense of self (the other person too) or else you'll have a very mushy and "attached" individual always after you (some ppl might like, but after a while, I guess it really does get smothery and numbing?)

Personally, I only seem to fall in love with people who I feel can understand me at least to a certain extent. The thing that moves me the most is when my bf tells me "that's so you, I LOVE it". I always tell him to never change certain parts of him that are darn golden (no matter how threatening the tides of the world are) and vice versa. To be accepted and loved for who you are and vice versa is like no other feeling.

Of course, just recently this week I realized that I was actually in love with him. And i'm feeling what it feels like to feel in love for the first time in my life. It's very unnerving and unstable really, but to know that the person you are in love with feels the same way and is in love for loving you also seems to fill my heart.