[INFJ] Do you put on a brave front?

I try to put on fronts when I feel nervous...I'm like really clumsy and lame...but I try to appear cool...not cool...but calm. Inside I usually have good feelings for the people around me; sometimes I want to talk to them and sometimes I don't. Mostly when I am at the store or something, I don't really want to talk...but I have good feelings towards all the people around me....IDK if it makes sense. meh..

I have learned the importance of authenticity so I try to be happy when I am happy and silent when I want to be silent...and silence usually means I am drained or sad.

I'm trying hard not to change my way of being because of other people...it takes practice.
 
Skarekrow said:
No…I maybe used to do that to a certain extent…not being brave, but definitely putting on a mask that wasn’t me.
But just as some others here have mentioned, people begin to expect that person with the mask, not who you truly are, it can become exhausting.
I can honestly say that I don’t care in the slightest bit how I come off to people at work…I go to work, do my job professionally, maybe have a few conversations with some of the more interesting people there and come home. I don’t make work a social activity like some people do…I don’t go to bar-b-ques or out for drinks with my co-workers, nor do I go play poker no matter how many times I have been invited. Part of why I don’t is because I don’t drink and most of those are just excuses for people to get drunk and act like fools…but I honestly just don’t enjoy those types of activities, so I’m not going to pretend like I do.
If that limits my friend base, then so be it.
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I have to learn how to be this way. I think since you're older, you have a better developed Ti than me. For me, my Fe can take control and I want to please everyone around me. Even if these people have hurt me or have made it clear they could care less about me or getting to know me. I hope that as I get older, my Ti kicks in and I start making decisions less based on how other people feel and more on what's in it for me? If that makes any sense. I don't want to be selfish, just wiser and less manipulated.
 
moonsorbananas said:
I have to learn how to be this way. I think since you're older, you have a better developed Ti than me. For me, my Fe can take control and I want to please everyone around me. Even if these people have hurt me or have made it clear they could care less about me or getting to know me. I hope that as I get older, my Ti kicks in and I start making decisions less based on how other people feel and more on what's in it for me? If that makes any sense. I don't want to be selfish, just wiser and less manipulated.
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I think part of it does come with time and getting older….for me, and maybe for many idk, it took getting hurt over and over until I realized what was occurring.
You don’t have to make everyone happy…and you never will be able to…those who could care less about me, I don’t pay attention to them.
What I said doesn’t mean you have to be selfish or jaded or cynical…just more aware of what is good for you and what is unhealthy.
It takes practice…don’t beat yourself up if it seems like it will never come - it will.
 
Skarekrow said:
A question for the OP….why do you feel you must act in a way that is not true to who you are?
Shakespeare had it right when he said “To thine own self be true.”
You will ultimately, in my experience, save yourself pain and grief that was unnecessary.
There will ALWAYS be people who like you and those who don’t…if someone doesn’t wish to get to know me, or dislikes me, then I am not going to waste my time trying to appease them.
Be who you truly are…even if that means you only have one good friend…at least you will be living in an honest way, and that ONE friendship will be far superior to 50 fake ones.
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Oh did I come off that way? Nah, being true to who I am is perhaps THE most important thing to me. The best way to describe it is this.
I have always acted true to myself. I've never gone against the values I hold dear. I'm more so guilty of inaction as a way of being untrue to myself. Then again my psychiatrist says I'm too hard on myself :P

I'm just like that about people. I don't people-please. I give others a chance... always. But it's simply a little opening into getting to know me. I haven't always been a very approachable person. I give off the INTJ "don't fuck with me" vibe. I like this vibe of mine every once in a while but it makes people too intimidated. It's hard to talk to someone like me who makes you feel this way. It's why I didn't have many friends for so long. It's why teachers never picked me to answer a question when I raised my hand (My grades were A+)

I'm a firm believer in having 1 good friend over 100 fakes :D Though I'm not a big fan of the "all your eggs in one basket" aspect of this. Several good friends over 1000 fakes~
 
Keirouen said:
Oh did I come off that way? Nah, being true to who I am is perhaps THE most important thing to me. The best way to describe it is this.
I have always acted true to myself. I've never gone against the values I hold dear. I'm more so guilty of inaction as a way of being untrue to myself. Then again my psychiatrist says I'm too hard on myself :P

I'm just like that about people. I don't people-please. I give others a chance... always. But it's simply a little opening into getting to know me. I haven't always been a very approachable person. I give off the INTJ "don't fuck with me" vibe. I like this vibe of mine every once in a while but it makes people too intimidated. It's hard to talk to someone like me who makes you feel this way. It's why I didn't have many friends for so long. It's why teachers never picked me to answer a question when I raised my hand (My grades were A+)

I'm a firm believer in having 1 good friend over 100 fakes :D Though I'm not a big fan of the "all your eggs in one basket" aspect of this. Several good friends over 1000 fakes~
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I just thought that since you were asking the question that it must be an issue for you.
But I guess not. I am the same way…when I was younger I tried to fit in with this or that group of people in school, but soon came to realize that I didn’t fit in with any particular group and I never would…but not only that, it seemed unnecessary to fit it with them…the people who were my friends still liked me, and they liked me how I was, not because I was in a particular group. I stopped caring about that…but I still tried to be more extroverted than I really was/am.
That took a while longer to stop caring about…I think without the guidance of anyone telling me differently, I assumed it was something wrong with who I was.
I see now that there is nothing wrong with it…this is just me, and I am content with who I am.
I give off the “don’t fuck with me” vibe a lot too…I have heard several people tell me that I am unapproachable until they saw me smile….then I looked completely different…I have always found that interesting.
Most of the time I don’t want people to approach me anyhow…it isn’t that I don’t think they have anything interesting or worthwhile to contribute to me or that they could be a potential friend…it’s more that I am comfortable with the current amount of obligation in my life right now and I don’t feel I have the time and effort to be a genuine friend back to someone new…because when I am your friend, you will know it…I have never betrayed or not been there to those whom I have considered “true friends” (even though some now ex-friends have done that to me).
Friends take time and effort that I don’t feel I can give them…it’s a certain level of complication that I am happy without.
And that I what I feel it boils down to…finding what makes you happy. If you are happy by yourself, there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion…or having many friends, then I say “Good for you”. I don’t think one way is more correct than the other (even though some extroverted people would disagree with me).
 
Yes, it is a matter of survival. I am usually very funny & I act like I don't care. But it hurts me so deeply when someone makes a joke at my expenses. They can never know that the slightest thing that goes against my value system throws me into a rage inside. I just nod & try to get away from the situation
 
Do you hide your warm and mushy side in certain social contexts?
All the time! I was bullied a lot growing up and learned not to trust people or show people who I really am too early. I tend to not let people see that side of me until they've shown over time that they actually give a @#&! about me for more than someone to get favors from. The only person I can be 100% real with 100% of the time is my boyfriend.

If so, in what type of situation?
Pretty much everywhere I go. Sometimes I feel like there are so many completely different aspects about me that there's more than one person living inside my body. So almost no one knows all my interest, goals, or even very much about my personality.

What kind of front do you put up?
I grew up in a very T-type family and both of my parents were business students in college, so I often put up that INTJ front so my family doesn't see me as weak or vulnerable for displaying emotions. I've done such a good job at pretending I'm T rather than F around my familly that my dad tried to convince me to change my major to accounting my sophomore year of college. I can pretend that I love finance and talking things out logically all day when in reality I have no interest in finance and I'm INFJ. I'm sure if my family started looking into MBTI they would never guess I'm INFJ at first glance.

But I've found myself putting that up almost everywhere I go, especially at church. Since I'm very private and don't want people that I don't know prying into my life (reason #542 why I don't have a Facebook), I often put up that I'm fine front when I'm dealing with something since where I go to church if something is wrong the person you're talking to that you don't know very well will either want to sit and force you to talk it out when you don't trust them or give you that "holier than thou look" and go on their merry way.

I guess most of my fronts I put up (I have so many of them) are T-type based. Even in situations with other musicians I try to put up that "tough girl" vibe since yes I'm a metal drummer, and yes I've been hurt by a lot of people telling me I'll never be good enough because guys are better drummers, and yes sometimes I feel like I have something to prove because I don't suck.

Sometimes I get so used to putting up a front around people that I start to wonder which fronts are fake and which ones are really part of who I am. Seems kind of wierd for someone who can be so perceptive about other people.
 
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