Do you think INFJs are clingy?

INFJs can be very fearful. Possibly their greatest challenge.
So different to the majority, they question their own validity.
So few understand them that when they think somebody does, they throttle that person with a desperate need to try to keep them close by.
It is not the INFJ that makes INFJs clingy, it is the fear that often goes with it.

Understanding this, everything changes.
What the INFJ really needs most is validation.
Nobody else can give them that, however.
When they, themselves, decide they are valid, the clingy bit evaporates away.

Then they turn into arrogant monsters :)
You can't win.
 
:m200: i am just so happy to find this forum. i have been wondering about this topic since i started dating this ENTJ guy. I am so into him. I am trying to control my clingy tendencies but I fail most of the time. I just try to amuse myself by doing stuff to take my mind off him but he's always there. I am afraid I might freak him out and ruin things for us at this stage.. aghhh. This fear of losing him has gripped at me for weeks!:m100:
 
I think so, yeah.

Even though I'm not sure whether I'm an INFJ, I do get clingy but I try to give people their space since I would like mine.
 
definitely not clingly, we love our solitude. but at the same time "technically each INFJ is different in their own special way."

:m040:
 
saru said:
definitely not clingly, we love our solitude. but at the same time "technically each INFJ is different in their own special way."

:m040:
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That's true, but I think that some are clingy to just a couple of people who are close to them. I could be wrong, though: it does depend on the person.
 
saru said:
definitely not clingly, we love our solitude. but at the same time "technically each INFJ is different in their own special way."

:m040:
Click to expand...

To this I say that some of us can be clingy when we're around people but not when we're alone. The fact that we care about other people very deeply may come across as being clingy.
 
bickelz said:
To this I say that some of us can be clingy when we're around people but not when we're alone. The fact that we care about other people very deeply may come across as being clingy.
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And I've noticed too that when INFJs express their feelings, people see it as a pity party but I just see it as expressing emotion. That's one of society's problems: talking about feelings is a taboo and makes you look like you're feeling sorry for yourself even when you're not.
 
daydreamer said:
And I've noticed too that when INFJs express their feelings, people see it as a pity party but I just see it as expressing emotion. That's one of society's problems: talking about feelings is a taboo and makes you look like you're feeling sorry for yourself even when you're not.
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I think there are a few factors that have to do with this. When we infj's share our feelings I think they are often very deep and dramatic seeing that our normal emotional mode is either listening to others or feeling ourselves out on our own.

I partly agree about what you said about talking about your emotions but I think that's more of an American problem, not a complete society problem.
 
bickelz said:
I think there are a few factors that have to do with this. When we infj's share our feelings I think they are often very deep and dramatic seeing that our normal emotional mode is either listening to others or feeling ourselves out on our own.

I partly agree about what you said about talking about your emotions but I think that's more of an American problem, not a complete society problem.
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I don't think people are usually used to talking about their emotions in such a deep way so when they do, they feel kind of weird.

It could be just an American thing, I'm not sure: I've never been to any other country before.
 
Huge chance of both.
equation-wise (..and this is quite random)
Emotional vulnerability + Imbalance = Insecurity + Ni = Panic + Fe = Clinginess
But Introversion + Fe + Perfectionism = - Emotional Vulnerability + Self Preservation = Mental 'armors' + Fe = Unclinginess

Or, longer speaking, INFJ are often introverted, loves to be alone more, and appreciates people enough to be not clingy, but are also at the risk of emotionally vulnerable and dependant and insecure enough for the people they care about to be clingy.

I can see both overlapping for some INFJs either, albeit it might be just me...
 
Agree [MENTION=2172]Trifoilum[/MENTION].

I tend to swing between the two extremes when I'm in new relationships. I've noticed that the older I get, the easier it is for me to hide these feelings, so no one suspects my squishyness, or gets turned off by my bitchy, no-touchy hermitness.

I notice that when I feel relatively secure...when I feel like I can trust someone to not abandon me...then I'm able to achieve a better balance. Then I'm neither clingy and all NEEDY or forcing people to get the hell out of my bubble. But it takes a long time for me to get to that point. And even then, some days I still worry and wonder. *shrug*

I guess it's about learning to be honest with yourself, figuring out what you need, and communicating that to the people in your life. It sounds so simple, but putting yourself in such a vulnerable position is anything but.
 
Pondering more on that imbalance;

I think INFJs (or alternatively, INFs), at their worst / clingy part, are different from, say, INTs. Using a bit fair of a generalization, some INTs at their worst exhibit a..ambivalence towards emotional vulnerability. As in, at the same time they distanced themselves, they are also on the most vulnerable position emotionally. (Which is something that makes sense as a defense mechanism, IMO.)

INFs have the same problem with INTs (INFJ with INTP more; Ti + Fe thing, I suppose?) but there are another thing; the imbalance is often something of a..doubt. As in, "Am I being enough? Am I being too much? Too demanding? Too cold?Or wha? Someone? Anyone?" Both confused of what they want and what others want (or alternatively, having their needs trampled), the imbalance happens as a sort of.. "SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO / FEEL / THINK O_O;;;" (or, alternatively, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO / FEEL / THINK DDDD:")

Just something that wanders through my mind. I might be merely speaking nonsense.
 
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Trifoilum said:
I might be merely speaking nonsense.
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If you are speaking nonsense, then I is scared. I understand the nonsense.

I have actually asked these questions at some point or another.

Aacckkk...I feel understood but a bit weirded out. GO AWAY! LOL :)
 
Speaking for myself, I can be clingy with people I've formed a close bond with, but I realise the problem is with myself, so I do my best to allow them personal freedom and deal with my insecurities alone. When I'm struggling with this, I'll brave opening up to let them know what's going on, because a little reassurance usually goes a long way.
 
I wouldn't have said INFJ's are noticably clingy. I think that's more likely to be an IxFP thing if anything.
 
I used to be pretty romantically clingy until I got hurt a few times. I don't know, it's an interesting thing and I don't think it has much to do with personality type. when you're options get limited you try and hold on to everyone around you but when there's plenty of people in your life you don't seem as concerned with others drifting in and out, which paradoxically seems to make more people want to be around you.
 
The INFJ's I know in person are mature and much older than myself (old enough to be my mothers). So they aren't awfully clingy, however they do tend worry about me. I have to convince them not too on a regular basis.
 
To others, I think INFJs appear clingy. We don't connect easily with people, therefore we often keep our deepest thoughts and emotions locked away for fear of retribution. When we DO find someone who we connect with, we open a part (or even give a part) of ourselves to the other person. This is an act of extreme trust and to hamper with that vulnerable kindness we've granted is a serious act of betrayal. Yet, we can't simply let that person go even if they've committed this betrayal, for they still hold one or more of our deepest thoughts or emotions. Therefore, we hold on to them even through continual acts of disloyalty until we're so beaten down that we don't have the strength to hold on anymore. This earns us the title of the "crazy" significant other or friend, because we're angered by the betrayal, yet we can't let the person go...it's a vicious cycle. :-(
 
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