[INFJ] Do you value being loved or being understood higher?

o_q said:
You should reevaluate this when you're actually alone living on the street.
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It's you again. Why don't you mind your business instead of giving me these little interjections that you do every so often?

How do you know I haven't already been on the street? What do you know about me and what I need to evaluate? NOT A GODDAMN THING, THAT'S WHAT YOU KNOW.
 
sprinkles said:
It's you again. Why don't you mind your business instead of giving me these little interjections that you do every so often?

How do you know I haven't already been on the street? What do you know about me and what I need to evaluate? NOT A GODDAMN THING, THAT'S WHAT YOU KNOW.
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Your ego is disgusting. Don't try to pretend the soft spot that I hit was your hard-knock experience.
 
[MENTION=5511]o_q[/MENTION]

Also I basically was homeless when my mother died and I lost the house, you insufferable prick. People who didn't particularly love me did a lot more for me than people who supposedly did during that time. Reevaluate love when you're fucking starving and ready to lick boots for anything at all.
 
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sprinkles said:
It's you again. Why don't you mind your business instead of giving me these little interjections that you do every so often?

How do you know I haven't already been on the street? What do you know about me and what I need to evaluate? NOT A GODDAMN THING, THAT'S WHAT YOU KNOW.
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Eerily familiar. (think Kermit thread lolol :D )

BTW I'll take understanding over love. anytime.
 
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apemon said:
Eerily familiar. (think Kermit thread lolol :D )

BTW I'll take understanding over love. anytime.
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Ah, well.... after thinking about this for a bit I think I found the misunderstanding.

See, it's not really like that. I don't feel misunderstood because I think I'm so deep, or so troubled that nobody gets me. I'm not even particularly sad or lonely or anything like that, and I certainly don't think I'm too advanced for people to understand (though I might have made a joke to that effect before, I don't actually believe it)

The truth is that I have difficulty speaking verbally to a point where I'm shy about it and don't talk much and when I do talk, I think I sound like an idiot. A lot of people treat me like I'm retarded, or at best some kind of Rain Man gifted. It's as if I get loved from a distance because many people don't know me, in the truest sense of not knowing me.
 
sprinkles said:
Ah, well.... after thinking about this for a bit I think I found the misunderstanding.

See, it's not really like that. I don't feel misunderstood because I think I'm so deep, or so troubled that nobody gets me. I'm not even particularly sad or lonely or anything like that, and I certainly don't think I'm too advanced for people to understand (though I might have made a joke to that effect before, I don't actually believe it)

The truth is that I have difficulty speaking verbally to a point where I'm shy about it and don't talk much and when I do talk, I think I sound like an idiot. A lot of people treat me like I'm retarded, or at best some kind of Rain Man gifted. It's as if I get loved from a distance because many people don't know me, in the truest sense of not knowing me.
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Gotcha on that. Maybe people get so used to the view from where they are it's hard to see from other perspectives eh? :D
 
Tricky one. I don't really care about either. I'd choose that I'd want to be more appreciated. Really though, I'll keep on making dumb predictions regardless. :D
 
There's already been some great responses I agree with! But this is a great question. I go through a lot of my daily life feeling very lonely and like nobody understands me. And a lot of the time I really wish someone would just come into my life and say 'me too!' But when it comes down to it and when I stop throwing a pity party, I realize that love is more important. Even if the person who loves you doesn't understand you, if they really love you they'll keep trying and commit to trying to understand the puzzle you are. As much as I would almost choose to be understood, the willingness of those who love you to try, even if they know they might never succeed, means more.
 
sprinkles said:
Understanding.

Love doesn't seem to mean a lot when you feel alone in a crowded room. A crowded room full of people who love you.

What good is it to me if you can't relate? Some words? Kind gestures? A card on holidays? What are you to me but a very nice alien?
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Not to offend you, or really anyone else in this thread, but if someone picks being understood over being loved it's most likely because they have a fundamental misunderstanding of what love is.

Love is patient, and kind.
Love is forgiveness and reconciliation
Love is joy and hope
Love is strength and endurance
Love is so much more then any words I can think of to describe it.

We as a people are built to love, and be loved.
 
Yep. I don't remember what I chose, but I now see it as the Machiavellian thing. I'd rather people not know what I'm doing for them if they'd react to it with hate. As such, I'm also quite opposed to Machiavellian ideals, and would rather love. Fear is inevitable with either unless I don't have enough power base. But fear doesn't work without trust. I don't know. I've decided that to be loved is better. Love without understanding is a blind trust. Blind trust is more powerful than Fear. The problem is keeping the people blind. I'm in my detached mood again.
 
Loved. I don't place a ton of value on being understood, and to love as-is is one of the highest honours one could give a person, I think.
 
Porque no los dos??



No really.... why not both?
 
sprinkles said:
Also I basically was homeless when my mother died and I lost the house, you insufferable prick. People who didn't particularly love me did a lot more for me than people who supposedly did during that time. Reevaluate love when you're fucking starving and ready to lick boots for anything at all.
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I've been in a similar situation and I understand what you mean. I have to say that being loved by others isn't always what its cracked up to be. I've been homeless too and my so-called family, who you expect to reach out to you, really did not help much at all. It was the people who understood and had been in similar experiences that reached out and helped. Being loved can only take a situation so far... and the same thing goes for being understood. I hope things are better for you now.

This question was a bit broad.... cause being loved should come with understanding. At least that is what I personally expect out of my relationships.
 
BrightWhiteHeart said:
Loved.

Understanding does not equal admiration nor the ability to value who is it you are.

People can understand you and still think you're a piece of poo.
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La Sagna said:
loved

I don't understand why people put so much emphasis on being understood, to me acceptance is far more important that understanding. I would question whether any one human being can ever fully understand another one. Acceptance, on the other hand, is knowing that the other person will still always respect who you are regardless of whether they understand. This is unconditional love and nothing makes a person feel more secure than that.
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This make me stop and thing.

I remembered my own beliefs too. Understanding is just..that. There may or may not be acceptance, there may or may not be approval or support.

Both of this, essentially.

Also I think being loved involves a certain amount of understanding, otherwise is won't be -you- they love; but someone else.
 
bionic said:
I've been in a similar situation and I understand what you mean. I have to say that being loved by others isn't always what its cracked up to be. I've been homeless too and my so-called family, who you expect to reach out to you, really did not help much at all. It was the people who understood and had been in similar experiences that reached out and helped. Being loved can only take a situation so far... and the same thing goes for being understood. I hope things are better for you now.

This question was a bit broad.... cause being loved should come with understanding. At least that is what I personally expect out of my relationships.
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In my experience it doesn't have to come with understanding but maybe I was never really loved for all I know.

I'd prefer both I guess but I can live with civilized indifference. I've had plenty of people not treat me well too so I take what I can get. It's kinda like asking if you'd rather lose your eyes or your ears though.

I can live with not being cared about much so long as people aren't total dicks about it. It's not ideal but I can survive it... but not being understood would make me want to quit life.
 
Barnabas said:
Not to offend you, or really anyone else in this thread, but if someone picks being understood over being loved it's most likely because they have a fundamental misunderstanding of what love is.

Love is patient, and kind.
Love is forgiveness and reconciliation
Love is joy and hope
Love is strength and endurance
Love is so much more then any words I can think of to describe it.

We as a people are built to love, and be loved.
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Yeah yeah I've been to church and heard all this stuff before. Sounds good on paper but so often turns out to be empty words.

Besides, most of those things aren't a necessity in my opinion. Additionally too much of this kind of 'love' makes me feel incredibly sappy and overloaded.

Also a lot of this comes down to loving yourself to get these benefits because this sugary sap is so stereotypical that it can be said without feeling, but the benefits come from your belief and not necessarily the actual intentions or sincerity of others.

This is like saying beauty is on the inside. Everybody says it but very few actually fucking mean it.
 
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