[ENFP] Does she like me? Do you guys ever take a week alone time from someone you love?

Ceara Forest said:
Haha you probably don't want advice anymore. You got enough of that already lol

But could we get an update?
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Nothing new has come up yet...I'm thinking of dating other
sassafras said:
Oh boy. I missed a lot.

Yes to everything @Sloe Djinn just said. But especially this...



A lot of people seem to be of the opinion that her taking time to herself is shady but, as I mentioned up-thread, I compartmentalize in a similar way... which is why this particular pattern of behavior doesn't register on my radar as a problem. When I'm with someone, I'm with them 100%. They have all of my attention, all of my resources, all of my affection. But when I care deeply about someone, I have to be especially careful that their needs don't start eclipsing my own when I'm already in a vulnerable place. For the sake of my emotional health and productivity, I need to occasionally take the time away to re-calibrate as it's the only way I have been able to balance my emotional needs with the other person's.

This is especially true when I'm going through something major. When my grandmother passed, I had an extremely delayed reaction.... afterwards, I needed a few months to get back to myself and I think there was a good six weeks when I didn't really talk to anyone. When I was going through my quarter life crisis, trying to figure out my direction in life, I was laser focused on my work to the exclusion of everything else. I was dating a guy at the time and we wouldn't really talk apart from a few texts here and there during the week (but we'd catch up on the weekends and again, when I was with him, I was with him 100%). Another example was when I was depressed back in uni, I would go through bouts of sadness that required me to recharge my batteries. I couldn't focus on other people and myself at the same time, so I'd juggle. My boyfriend at the time never once complained or expressed that he felt unloved or supported. He understood this was what I needed.. and gave me my space... and we were together for nearly five years.

So it's not ~weird~ to me that someone would do this, especially if they communicated those needs clearly and they're not a couple in any official capacity. And while I don't know for sure if OP's girl is doing this exact same thing, or if its just an excuse for, I dunno...? putting off rejection? (frankly, it appears to me like this girl would've told the OP point blank she wasn't interested; she had no trouble calling out his flaws) I just wanted to say, again, that its a legit way some individuals process their feelings and that's why I'm willing to give this girl a benefit of a doubt.
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She suffers from bad depression. I do feel like she would have told me point blank if she was not interested. I think sassy pants over here is onto something.

Also, I wanted to thank all of you so greatly for the support you've given me...I didn't expect this many people to come and be interested in helping me figure out this issue I've been having. <3 Love all of you.
 
@sassafras it's totally possible she just doesn't want to hurt me by rejecting me, also. I don't know. She's never done anything purposefully malicious to me...never hurt me unnecessarily, never been anything less than supportive of my endeavors and hobbies, and never been anything less than fully supportive of my plans and dreams.

Also, if she wanted to take my money and run, she could have. I was having trouble paying my university bill because of my U.S debit card, and had to send the money to a Russian so they could use their debit card to pay it. She said she would be happy to help initially but read over my contract and thought there was something saying that someone else couldn't use their card for it, so she said no. That would have been 1300 dollars of free money for her and she'd never have had to see me again. I emailed the university and they confirmed that someone can pay by proxy, but she was going AWOL at that time, so I sent the money to a Russian friend who thankfully did not run off with the money.

I think I might not be giving her as much credit in this thread as she is due.
 
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HorsesIncorporated said:
@sassafras it's totally possible she just doesn't want to hurt me, also. I don't know. She's never done anything purposefully malicious to me...never hurt me unnecessarily, never been anything less than supportive of my endeavors and hobbies, and never been anything less than fully supportive of my plans and dreams.

Also, if she wanted to take my money and run, she could have. I was having trouble paying my university bill because of my U.S debit card, and had to send the money to a Russian so they could use their debit card to pay it. She said she would be happy to help initially but read over my contract and thought there was something saying that someone else couldn't use their card for it, so she said no. That would have been 1300 dollars of free money for her and she'd never have had to see me again. I emailed the university and they confirmed that someone can pay by proxy, but she was going AWOL at that time, so I sent the money to a Russian friend who thankfully did not run off with the money.

I think I might not be giving her as much credit in this thread as she is due.
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It's possible she doesn't want to hurt you. It's also possible that she's telling the truth. We don't know and we won't know until some time has passed.

For now, what you *do* have is no real reason to either commit or split. You're basically in limbo.

Thus... wait and see.

You probably wanna kill me by now. lol
 
sassafras said:
It's possible she doesn't want to hurt you. It's also possible that she's telling the truth. We don't know and we won't know until some time has passed.

For now, what you *do* have is no real reason to either commit or split. You're basically in limbo.

Thus... wait and see.

You probably wanna kill me by now. lol
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No, I don't wanna kill you! I just feel as though I haven't really mentioned any of her positives here and she deserves to at least have those known.
 
Your only problem is that you shouldn't be asking for advice about this. You need to search deep within yourself and try to reason this out, and the fact that you're not able to usually means you've made a conculsion and you have an action you aren't carrying out .

For example.

There's this extremely awkward guy I've been trying to befriend since April. I only had an actual conversation with him at the end of May, and I finally asked for his number at the end of June. We see each other once weekly for about 5 hours in a group setting. I'm extremely nervous and anxious texting him and hyperanalyze everything I do around him because he fucking sucks at communication so I never know what he's thinking.

The ONLY way I have found to deal with a situation where you can't read a person well is to go with your own gut. What do YOU want to do, irregardless of how the person will react? Since these kinds of people won't give you signs as to how theyre feeling you have to drive blind and go by your best intentions and hope for the best.

This is particularly difficult when you're a people pleaser because part of how you interact with l others is based on their reactions. You also have to carry on forward with the assumption that this person will never get better at communicating how they feel at all so you will always be left guessing.

You're frustrated because this isn't ordinary behavior. That doesn't mean it's wrong but most people want a relationship to go well so they give feedback to let you know things are going well. You aren't receiving that reassurance so you're second guessing yourself and tripping out. The best way I've found to mitigate this is by being as open and expressive as you can be so they know where you stand. This doesn't mean they'll open up... It only means the miscommunication won't get worse because they're receiving positive feedback. You'll have to learn to go forward without direct social feedback- and look at behavior instead of what she says.

Does she behave like someone who was x y or z? Whatever your doubt is don't look for words because she's not expressive. Look for actions and try to interpret from there.
 
slant said:
Your only problem is that you shouldn't be asking for advice about this. You need to search deep within yourself and try to reason this out, and the fact that you're not able to usually means you've made a conculsion and you have an action you aren't carrying out .

For example.

There's this extremely awkward guy I've been trying to befriend since April. I only had an actual conversation with him at the end of May, and I finally asked for his number at the end of June. We see each other once weekly for about 5 hours in a group setting. I'm extremely nervous and anxious texting him and hyperanalyze everything I do around him because he fucking sucks at communication so I never know what he's thinking.

The ONLY way I have found to deal with a situation where you can't read a person well is to go with your own gut. What do YOU want to do, irregardless of how the person will react? Since these kinds of people won't give you signs as to how theyre feeling you have to drive blind and go by your best intentions and hope for the best.

This is particularly difficult when you're a people pleaser because part of how you interact with l others is based on their reactions. You also have to carry on forward with the assumption that this person will never get better at communicating how they feel at all so you will always be left guessing.

You're frustrated because this isn't ordinary behavior. That doesn't mean it's wrong but most people want a relationship to go well so they give feedback to let you know things are going well. You aren't receiving that reassurance so you're second guessing yourself and tripping out. The best way I've found to mitigate this is by being as open and expressive as you can be so they know where you stand. This doesn't mean they'll open up... It only means the miscommunication won't get worse because they're receiving positive feedback. You'll have to learn to go forward without direct social feedback- and look at behavior instead of what she says.

Does she behave like someone who was x y or z? Whatever your doubt is don't look for words because she's not expressive. Look for actions and try to interpret from there.
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I do have to go with my gut. My gut tells me to take my time and just wait it out. 60 days isn't that long, and I can certainly wait that long. And if it doesn't work out, I'll be going to a university with thousands of other people looking for friends that I can hang out with to get my mind off of it.
 
HorsesIncorporated said:
I do have to go with my gut. My gut tells me to take my time and just wait it out. 60 days isn't that long, and I can certainly wait that long. And if it doesn't work out, I'll be going to a university with thousands of other people looking for friends that I can hang out with to get my mind off of it.
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Win-win. All good.
 
Infjente said:
If we need weeks, it usually means we're trying to lose weight to look more like our filtered selfies, or that we're still waiting for the results from our last doctors visit. If we need days, it could mean we had a fake tanning accident, or having a hormonal break out. Hours usually means gass.

I know this for a fact because I'm a girl, btw.
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BritNi said:
Love, Lust, Moscovites, Long distance Relationships, Sex, Drugs, Arrogance, Teeth, Cynisicm, and Understanding.


Yeah, this thread rocks. :m045:
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Lolololololol! :tearsofjoy::laughing:

HorsesIncorporated said:
I do have to go with my gut. My gut tells me to take my time and just wait it out. 60 days isn't that long, and I can certainly wait that long. And if it doesn't work out, I'll be going to a university with thousands of other people looking for friends that I can hang out with to get my mind off of it.
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Good for you! That’s the best approach and mindset. :)

There is so much in life to experience and from what I can assume, you’re probably around my age and we are still quite young. So, enjoy what the world has to offer you and engage in the new surroundings. Moving to a new country will not offer you new experiences and opportunities, but a new perspective that will help you grow.

Nothing in life is ever certain and unfortunately, you never know which day is your last—so enjoy the moment, be grateful for what you already have and what is going good for you, and focus on the positives (easier said than done, but is essential for a happy life).

You got this, my friend. <3
 
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