[ENFP] Does she like me? Do you guys ever take a week alone time from someone you love?

HorsesIncorporated said:
Deleted member 16771 said you could kick him out of the thread? He's just being an asshole and trashing me...

EDIT: Deleted member 16771 isn't being an asshole, the other guy is.
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Oh, Hos lied to you. You can report whatever you deem bad though and if it is determined to have violated rules then the user will be given infraction points which accumulate towards bans.
 
Wyote said:
Oh, Hos lied to you. You can report whatever you deem bad though and if it is determined to have violated rules then the user will be given infraction points which accumulate towards bans.
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Y'all know what I meant.
 
Wyote said:
I'm just workin with the information I'm being given lol
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I meant, 'OP you can tell him to fuck off, and ask Wy for backup'.

This is what I said:
Me said:
You might think about kicking him out of your thread if he gets any more personal. You can tag Wyote as moderator if you need to.
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Deleted member 16771 said:
I meant, 'OP you can tell him to fuck off, and ask Wy for backup'.

This is what I said:
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Yeah we don't kick people out of threads. Unless it's a blog... we did that for a bit but tbh I don't even remember how to do that it's been so long. Don't make me do it, just play nice. Report stuff.
 
HorsesIncorporated said:
Oh, I thought you literally meant kick him out of the thread. :D
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Yeah I did - just say 'please don't post here again' if it got that bad, but I was also under the assumption that this was a 'thread of a personal nature' - it's not just a discussion about something; it's about your personal life, so it's yours. If you don't want somebody in your business, you have a right to enforce that. Here's the rule:

Threads and posts
  • You are able to edit or delete your own posts for up to 72 hours after posting. After that time has passed, we will grant edit requests at our own discretion. Edits are typically not made to content that has already been quoted. Only urgent reasons (such as pressing privacy concerns) will compel us to alter third parties’ posts without their specific permission.
  • Threads of a personal nature (e.g., blog and interview threads) will be closed upon request by those primarily concerned. Blog threads in particular come with special privileges: the threadstarter has the option of having the thread closed or even deleted, and is able to have other members banned from the thread on request.
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But looks like I interpreted those blog privileges to cover all 'threads of a personal nature'...
 
To summarize: dipshits get bant. Don't be dipshittin'.
 
From information gathered from the OP it looks like she definitely likes him, but that liking him is not by any means equivalent to desire or readiness to engage in an intimate or exclusive relationship. She flat out told him that she would not be ready to decide on whether or not to take the relationship further until she met him in person. When he asked if she loved him, she responded that she loved him in the same way that she loved her family and friends. Does it get any more straightforward than that? I don't get how it is the responsibility of the women in this thread to educate the OP on what his love interest is "really" saying to him.With that being out in the open as it is, I don't see why there's such negativity about her putting some distance in between them. They're not in a relationship right now, and they won't find out if it's going to happen for a while. I'm wondering why people seem to be scrutinizing this under a lens that appears to color her as stringing him along or being dishonest as if they have been dating for months. Her taking time to herself seems perfectly reasonable.

The OP already mentioned that she observed some negative characteristics including being controlling, which the OP conceded he may indeed exhibit at times. That being the case, I cannot fathom why people would encourage him to confront her and insist on mapping out where this relationship (that doesn't yet exist) is going. "No, I"m not a control freak, but I'm going to exert my will and press you to decide whether or not you'll commit to me before we've even been on a date."

Deleted member 16771 said:
Yeah, man, bitches be repulsed by love.

You gotta be disinterested. That's what they like.
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It's sensible of her not to claim she was willing to take things farther considering the boundary that she had clearly set. What would suck is if she was like, "Yes, I really like you and want to be in a relationship with you" and then grew distant. She didn't do that though. The debate over showing emotion vs cowboy-ing up is neither here nor there as far as what I was trying to say anyway. My intention was to get people to back off the fixation on how he should address this NOW. Choosing either end of that spectrum did not address the larger issue that whatever the hell happens with this woman, the feeling of having to take immediate action shows that OP would still be letting his insecurities lead him around by the nose. This is not a solid foundation from which to pursue any relationship. You plant a seed, give it what it needs, and give it time and space to grow, and tend it when necessary. It may or may not take and grow into something beautiful. No amount of prodding or standing there staring at the soil is going to have a positive effect.

Anyway, I don't know what the hell is going on in this thread now. @sassafras pretty much got it and was way more eloquent, but I had a few other points I wanted to make.



 
Deleted member 16771 said:
The problem is that nobody has to take your disrespectful bullshit, or engage in these weirdly indirect ad hominems. This thread belongs to Horses and is directed to the questions he's asked - I think you ought to respect that or fuck off, because your presence practically everywhere is far too toxic right now.
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I see where the confusion arose from now. Yea it's not right for somebody to come into a thread like this one where somebody is asking for support and then just gets trashed on by somebody who thinks they are all high and mighty or some shit.

It's a lack of respect here. Dude wasn't playin' nice.

Peppermint said:
I think you're too infatuated with her to think about the situation rationally. In my opinion you should just try to stop thinking about her and let her make the next move, then figure out what to do from there.

It's okay to be hopeful but don't be desperate. I'm not saying this judgmentally, I just think you should hold your cards closer to your chest, so to speak and try to put some mental distance between yourself and this situation.
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Also this is important
 
Oh boy. I missed a lot.

Yes to everything @Sloe Djinn just said. But especially this...

Sloe Djinn said:
I'm wondering why people seem to be scrutinizing this under a lens that appears to color her as stringing him along or being dishonest as if they have been dating for months. Her taking time to herself seems perfectly reasonable.
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A lot of people seem to be of the opinion that her taking time to herself is shady but, as I mentioned up-thread, I compartmentalize in a similar way... which is why this particular pattern of behavior doesn't register on my radar as a problem. When I'm with someone, I'm with them 100%. They have all of my attention, all of my resources, all of my affection. But when I care deeply about someone, I have to be especially careful that their needs don't start eclipsing my own when I'm already in a vulnerable place. For the sake of my emotional health and productivity, I need to occasionally take the time away to re-calibrate as it's the only way I have been able to balance my emotional needs with the other person's.

This is especially true when I'm going through something major. When my grandmother passed, I had an extremely delayed reaction.... afterwards, I needed a few months to get back to myself and I think there was a good six weeks when I didn't really talk to anyone. When I was going through my quarter life crisis, trying to figure out my direction in life, I was laser focused on my work to the exclusion of everything else. I was dating a guy at the time and we wouldn't really talk apart from a few texts here and there during the week (but we'd catch up on the weekends and again, when I was with him, I was with him 100%). Another example was when I was depressed back in uni, I would go through bouts of sadness that required me to recharge my batteries. I couldn't focus on other people and myself at the same time, so I'd juggle. My boyfriend at the time never once complained or expressed that he felt unloved or supported. He understood this was what I needed.. and gave me my space... and we were together for nearly five years.

So it's not ~weird~ to me that someone would do this, especially if they communicated those needs clearly and they're not a couple in any official capacity. And while I don't know for sure if OP's girl is doing this exact same thing, or if its just an excuse for, I dunno...? putting off rejection? (frankly, it appears to me like this girl would've told the OP point blank she wasn't interested; she had no trouble calling out his flaws) I just wanted to say, again, that its a legit way some individuals process their feelings and that's why I'm willing to give this girl a benefit of a doubt.
 
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