ending up alone

Lessee...
Product of divorced parents- check.
INFj- check.

= 2 broken marriages of my own
don't particularly want to marry again, but the guys just keep on asking!

I actually think the divorce rate is due to my own bad choices and unrealistic expectations of life partners, not in being as INFj. Can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, as the saying goes.
 
For some reason, why I don't know I've had this nagging feeling I'd die alone for years. I can recall feeling this way even in my teens.

Maybe its because I feel so out of step with humanity. Possibly the pain of the few times I've attempted to tell someone just how much I cared about them - I was rebuffed.

I still occasionally have dreams about my funeral and no one short of immediate family is there.

It's been a nightmare, but yet I still yearn for it - that love and human companionship.

It's been a hard, hard, unpleasant ride thusfar. Successful in some aspects in life. The most important ones - family, children, love - I've been a wretched failure at.
 
The fact that you suffer because you hold relationships in such high esteem is consoling in itself.
















Edit. earthtocarrie, some one has to be.
 
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I...would rather have someone. I'm a needy person, and I like the idea of being with someone.

However, that's a much harder thing to achieve in real life. It's difficult for me to connect with people, and love seems to elude me in that way where it's juuuuust out of my reach. It's rather frustrating, actually.

I wouldn't mind too much if I didn't have someone, though. I'm preparing myself for that. I would just prefer to have that support system.
 
Yeah I'm pretty late for getting married. According to the family past histories I should be married in about 3 1/2 months [ also followed by divorced 2.7 years later]. Looks like I'm going to miss that deadline.

Marriage is an industry for the religious.
Never trust it.
Never....
 
Virgoess said:
For some reason, why I don't know I've had this nagging feeling I'd die alone for years. I can recall feeling this way even in my teens.

Maybe its because I feel so out of step with humanity. Possibly the pain of the few times I've attempted to tell someone just how much I cared about them - I was rebuffed.

I still occasionally have dreams about my funeral and no one short of immediate family is there.

It's been a nightmare, but yet I still yearn for it - that love and human companionship.

It's been a hard, hard, unpleasant ride thusfar. Successful in some aspects in life. The most important ones - family, children, love - I've been a wretched failure at.
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I've walked this road before. The short list at the funeral does not matter.
My real Father had one of the longest lines I can remember other than maybe an uncle that was a preacher. I would rather die alone and have no list than to have all those people following my Father to the grave that didn't have a clue about who he really was most of his life. He changed late in life, but left bullet-riddled buildings, broken windows, blown up streets, and fearful people in his path, spiritually speaking, when he was angry and lost it. He had two faces and most only knew one. I forgave the way he treated us, but he left irreparable damage on my Mother that took the brunt of the storm so many times to protect us and allow him to hide his guilt. I would rather have one true friend that knew me than all those cars that thought they did.
 
slant said:
Yeah I'm pretty late for getting married. According to the family past histories I should be married in about 3 1/2 months [ also followed by divorced 2.7 years later]. Looks like I'm going to miss that deadline.

Marriage is an industry for the religious.
Never trust it.
Never....
Click to expand...


Your too young to get married.
 
uberrogo said:
How many INFJ end up the products of failed marriages or never get married? I was wondering cause it seems like many INFJs on this and other forums have mentioned the possibility of ending up as an old maid with many cats.
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I think it would be fun to be the crazy cat lady, and I'm a man.

The prospect of loss is much more frightening to me than simply living alone. Seeing as I am in a relationship, I fear losing it but the odds are not in my favor I suppose and when/if such a tragedy occurs I suppose I will learn to live with it.

Perhaps we INFJs just know the fragility of relationships or see it a bit more clearly than others.
 
funny-pictures-a-cat-lady-is-born.jpg
 
soulsearcher said:
I've got my fingers crossed for finding love
dunno if that's really in the INFJ package tho. :m142:
its quite annoyingly ironic that we are both stable and sensitive and probably the most open to love, but by the time everyone else grows up enough to see it, we've consined ourselves to a life with cats!

although, i must say, there's naught wrong with that!:m027:
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I go back and forth. I want someone but I don't want to go through a divorce and all that.
But I agree we love so openly and yet most don't do anymore more than pass us by.



Black Swan said:
Hm, I've been married for 4 years and I do enjoy being married to my spouse. However, if something were to happen to him, I don't know that I could get married again. But at the same time, I would still want a human companion/lover.

But this question makes me wonder how many INFJ's actively date or look for companionship. I think being introverted, there's a lot less opportunity for potential relationships compared to that of an extrovert. I myself have never really pursued men. I was always pursued, so if they hadn't, I may still be alone. Just a thought.
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I think this may be a big part of our difficulty.

I have such a hard tome putting myself out there and looking for women.

And really its not like I have women knocking down my door.

But I do want companionship. But I don't know if I would be ahppy with whatever I get. We have such high standards.

Motor Jax said:
i have been thinking about this question for the past 2 days now...

i have been twice divorced, always wanting that happiness of togetherness with a family of my own... but it eludes me, leading to this self-cynical phase i am going through... a bitterness about my past relationships has ensued...

but on the flip side of that coin, i am much more relaxed than feeling like someone is always looking over my shoulder or always "checking up on me", causing undue stress for me...

i am an introvert, i love my peace and quite, my solitude that is my blessing...

i live by love, and i see love in places that i go... but to find love for myself, that has proven to be unachievable at this point thus far...


likewise... the women where i am now living outnumber the men, at least 2:1...
and there are still the 'Closing Time Specials' you can pick up at your local bar...

mom and i have had this discussion before... she is pessimistic (very) about finding a love to take care of her... she is very cynical about men in her lifetime...
and i have told her that i can see love out there, i know it is there... just unobtainable for me, it seems... i just haven't grasped it yet...


there are pros and cons... but i love the freedom to do whatever, whenever, and with whoever...

so yea, alone ftw...
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Thats a really good way to say that.

I've seen people happy and some who just settle.

I admit as easy at it would be I don't want to settle. :m142:
 
I'm not experienced yet. But I do want to find someone to love and spend the rest of my life with. I need my solitary moments, but I also have a huge urge to talk to and be with someone, to share my thoughts with.
 
I find this a very difficult question.
Although im only 20 ive had two serious intense relationships.they both ended in very painful,incredibly different ways... I loved my ex very much and would have stood by him forever,as much as the illusion of the fairytale happy ending enticed me then i now cant imagine how it would have worked.I see the heartache around me everyday and the cruelness of humans to the ones closest to them.It terrifies me that something as loved filled as marraige can fall apart so easily.I also never want to be hurt again as badly as i have been.
Love like people is completely fallible,promises are easily broken which makes it hard to believe in only death do us part.I find it hard not to doubt ''true love'',yet the idea is just immensly moving.
Marraige(or comparable relationship) would be perfect but its rare to find perfection in such a corrupt world.I would count myself incredibly lucky to find it.And it would probably bring me great joy.
On the other hand cats are great companions who will always have a place in my home that i know.Couldnt handle not having some sort of male interaction though!definately woulnt be a life of complete solitude ;)
 
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