ENTP/INFJ

[Ixsportu2er]

Okay, We just went on a two hour walk, her sister called and said she needed her, so she said she had to go back. So we took the long way back (her idea) which took about 45 minutes, and talked about a lot of relationship stuff (also her idea), She said she was interested but there were a lot of factors against it, Most of it seemed like she was over analyzing it, so I just played devils advocate the whole time, I mean, I really felt the things I was talking about, but I said them calmly, and very rationally, which I'm very good at. She seemed to absorb everything I said, But she said the biggest thing is that she holds her family very dear to her heart, and really respects their opinions, and that they would be against us. Now, being a ENTP I'm very good at convincing people I'm a different person, but that won't last forever.

I could change, and I want to change, but there are only a few things that are truly a problem.

1. She's religious and so is her family. I'm ENTP, I don't think a religious ENTP Exist.

2. They're very conservative. I'm very Liberal, but that doesn't even seem like that big a deal to me.

3. I think that's it, but I kind of think there would be a problem with my Ethnicity, This is all going on in Texas, She's Caucasian, and I'm not.

I really don't know what to do about that, BTW, she's really into Typology stuff too, So she knows that these things are norms for me, and she stated when we met that she is limiting herself to ENTPs, She has done extensive research so during our walk, generally anything that was a stereotypical ENTP thing is excused, and I think this is one factor I've been leaving out that might help some advice. So our meeting each other has been rapidly sped up. We're overcoming obstacles that normal ENTPs/INFJs have, so keep that in mind when giving advice.

 

[Ixsportu2er]

I doubt anyone still cares, but after the talk she said she was intrigued about how its going to turn out, and that she's thinking it over, if you INFJs said this to someone, what do you think it means?

Interested to hear your thoughts

 

[DevilDoll]

I doubt anyone still cares, but after the talk she said she was intrigued about how its going to turn out, and that she's thinking it over, if you INFJs said this to someone, what do you think it means?

Interested to hear your thoughts

I'm not an INFJ, but it sounds like she thinks the two of you have some sort of potential in the future, but she's still trying to make sense of the situation. Maybe she is still a little unsure? That seems to be the most likely interpretation, anyway.

I think the best thing you can do now is wait and respect her decision.

You seem to be over analyzing the MBTI aspect of this. Yes, personality types can be a good guide line when trying to get to know other people, but they do not define people. Those four letters will not be the answer to everything. Maybe take a step back from the type and look at her without it. I also suggest looking at yourself without it. I don't know if it will help, but it just might.

 

[Ixsportu2er]

You seem to be over analyzing the MBTI aspect of this. Yes, personality types can be a good guide line when trying to get to know other people, but they do not define people. Those four letters will not be the answer to everything. Maybe take a step back from the type and look at her without it. I also suggest looking at yourself without it. I don't know if it will help, but it just might.

Well, I see where you're coming, and I don't necessarily completely agree. I do look at with out the MBTI aspect of it, but with out it, I feel like there is just the natural attraction. At least it is for me, She makes me shiver, and get butterflies. We talk so fluidly about everything. The part we're trying to overcome is something that to us is obviously related to the fact that we're ENTP/INFJ, We're both very apprehensive about getting hurt, and have trouble with commitment in our own ways. Our MBTI situation explains why we're so different yet very similar, Which is why we communicate so well. IDK, Besides that, we share the same major, we do all the same things. Idk... Baby steps

I do agree that this is going to take a lot more than letters to work, but communicate so well that I feel as though we can squash anything - Wow, what a great realization right there. THANK YOU I've never realized something while typing it out. It's like my fingers taught me a lesson. C'est la vie.

Thank you for the input great great advice. Cheers.

 

[Phoenix Down]

I could change, and I want to change, but there are only a few things that are truly a problem.

1. She's religious and so is her family. I'm ENTP, I don't think a religious ENTP Exist.

2. They're very conservative. I'm very Liberal, but that doesn't even seem like that big a deal to me.

3. I think that's it, but I kind of think there would be a problem with my Ethnicity, This is all going on in Texas, She's Caucasian, and I'm not.

No excuses.

1. I'm Roman Catholic. I'm an ENTP. I Exist.
2. Not a big deal. really.
3. Dude, I'm half Mexican half Asian. I live in Texas. Anyone who has a problem with that can suck it.

Cut the shit.

 

[Trifoilum]

WHOA. (that being said; aww so cute. >_>

First; calm down.

Second;

She's graduating soon, and I asked as a general question, "How do you feel about long distance relationships?" and she responded, and told me how she felt, but then she quickly said, "This is sounding very close to commitment, and commitment scares me." Which I quickly tried to comfort her, and tell her that I was just being general and curious. Thoughts?

Oof. That sounds like it hurts. :|

I want her so bad, but she says she's scared of commitment, and that when she falls, she falls for good.

It sounds like she's admitting her vulnerability. I don't think you're unreasonable in your response, but I'll be honest, to me it sounds like, "Ooh look I'm trying to make you open yourself and be vulnerable to me but I won't be serious and admit my intentions so I'm backing out see? No problems dude." At least, that's what my Ni is catching, and if you want to trust an INFJ, trust an INFJ to catch lots of implicit and might not be obvious signals.

Stand still. Make your intentions and interest known (and don't run away) and let her make her own choice. You mentioned afraid of being hurt and I sincerely understand that, but I personally think this is one such moment when you've got to take a risk.

Third :

Today she has been reclusive, telling me that she is kind of depressed, and that she needs to clear her thoughts, and stuff like that, but I'm over here freaking out. I'm smitten by her, and I've never felt this insecure in my life, I really wish I could intravenously intake her thoughts into my brain.

I wont worry too much; it happens quite often with INFJs. My advice is to be there for her; do not run away because you might be afraid she's depressed because of you / what you did. Tell her to talk to you if she wants to, and listen to what she's going to talk about.

Fourth:

But I'm such a terrible person, and I feel like I'm not good enough for her, We're SO different on the surface, but no matter what I tell her, and I've told her some of the worst things I've ever done, she seemingly just laughs. She says none of it bothers her, and she may not agree with what I say, she understand where I come from when I do it.

Two things:
1) Agreed to people here; you're fine the way you are. Thinking that you're useless will bring zero benefit for it. Trust her judgment in this. Forgive yourself.
2) That being said...I'd hate to be a killjoy but sometimes, understanding the humanity of things does not mean acceptance. And I don't know the extent of such horrible things you speak of, but if you're talking about relationship problems / actions you've done to people close to you, I can't say the chance of her thinking "what if he did that to me?" is low either. (because being in a relationship exposes you towards a different type of intimacy than friendship, especially to INFJ.)

Fifth:

And I'm talking to quite a few girls right now, and I want to stop talking to them, but I don't want to cut them off if she doesn't have any inclination of wanting something serious. She's not clear with what she wants from me, and it's riping me a new one. One moment, I feel like she is really digging me, and the next I feel like she is running away. She needs to decide what she wants from me, so I can act accordingly, and I don't seem to be able to get a solid feeling either way.

Logic is my driving force, But I always need a back up plan, I am seemingly people dependent, I'm always looking for my next high, and for some reason, I'm always scared of having nothing, But i'm expecting her to take a leap of faith on me, so maybe I should take a leap of faith on her? Bravo for a third time.

like lots of people said, give her space to think.

If I were to speak honestly, this is also where you should prove your seriousness. While I understand your feelings (lack of clarity sucks, yes.) , and she indeed needs time to process this, but I will say she's going to be able to process this better if you focused more of your interest at her. At least she'll know for sure you're really REALLY interested at her and not just.....to put it bluntly, playing around.
Again, this is one person worthy of taking the risk. Because bringing backup plans with you sounds like you're not being serious / there's a lot of 'her' around if she doesn't want to be with you, and truth be told, I personally hate that idea. :| I don't know about her, though, but...

Sixth:

I doubt anyone still cares, but after the talk she said she was intrigued about how its going to turn out, and that she's thinking it over, if you INFJs said this to someone, what do you think it means?

Good news: She's affected by you, at least to a certain degree. Maybe she's also a bit interested.
Bad news: She doesn't -really- looking forward to what will happen.
Good news : She's still willing to stand still together with you.

Seventh:

I could change, and I want to change, but there are only a few things that are truly a problem.

1. She's religious and so is her family. I'm ENTP, I don't think a religious ENTP Exist.

2. They're very conservative. I'm very Liberal, but that doesn't even seem like that big a deal to me.

3. I think that's it, but I kind of think there would be a problem with my Ethnicity, This is all going on in Texas, She's Caucasian, and I'm not.

@Phoenix Down; said it best.
Sure, give up, find another girl.
Thing is, will you feel any better?

Please don't. I wish you best of luck with her.

 

[uuu]

but after the talk she said she was intrigued about how its going to turn out

That would be me feeling extremely worried, but trying to suppress it and give the impression of confidence.

 

[Arsal]

I doubt anyone still cares, but after the talk she said she was intrigued about how its going to turn out, and that she's thinking it over, if you INFJs said this to someone, what do you think it means?

I say things like this a lot, actually. For me, it means I'm excited about the future possibilities and trying not to look forward to or expect anything, and live in the present.

 

[lefsboroboto]

You need to be completely and utterly honest with her. Don't forfeit all tact - but be as honest as possible. If you are scared of losing her, tell her that. But try to work on yourself before you enter a relationship with her. All of this obsessiveness over women will lead you NOWHERE. I can say from experience with an obsessive boyfriend wanting to feed off my INFJ and being generally flirtatious as a backup and obsessing over me that it is NOT flattering. INFJs want absolute sincerity, honesty & loyalty - but they also need their space. My goodness I cannot stress how we need our space. Your obsessiveness may be the thing pushing her away. Not only is this not healthy for you, but it will also intimidate and turn her off. She may be scared of getting too close to you, and this is why she is shying away. My overall advice is to be honest, open, forthcoming, sincere, and non obsessive with this girl. Let her know you care without smothering her.

 

[Haven]

One the deepest most amazing girlfriends I have ever had was/is an INFJ. And yes, I messed it up and have been in a state of regret and obsession ever since.

Wait a sec, Are you referring to the the same INFJ your obsessed with or another, and if so you were dating?, I mean girlfriend and friend are two different things. and what was it you done.

I did, and I'm ENTP, I read up on it, and it is completely me, so accurately me, and it's brought a lot of perspective to me in the last few days, a clarity and self realization that is just incredible. I've always felt lost, or unable to be related to, when I let myself go, no one tends to understand me. Anyways, That's not the point to this post and I should get back on topic. (When I told her I was ENTP, her eyes lit up, and she became very excited)

I felt the same way when I found out what type I was. Say it loud say it proud.

Well, In the last few days we've hung out a great deal, our text messages are numerous, but not just that. They're in paragraph form most of the time, and so fluid. So I asked her to go on a walk, and she agreed, and we walked and talked for 5 and a half hours, and I felt on fire. Its like I'm a young boy who has discovered his first erection, my mind is blown. Generally, talking to girls can be a chore, or a game, depends on my intentions, but this is neither, it's like my consciousness decided to unload itself, and reset back to who I truly am (For the longest time, I've been pretending to be someone else, and had no idea I was even doing it). I hated myself because often,

Anyways, back to this INFJ, in the past 3-4 days our talks are long and deep, she makes my skin crawl, and my heart flutter, but on to the problems.

INFJ tend to be great listeners, I wouldn't be surprised if you done most of the talking during your walk and she just listened offering words, advice at times you found strangely appropriate. She was playful in a way you found easy to open up to, something your not use to. which is why you foound it easy to open up to her.

I've tended to offend people, be extremely arrogant, or frankly just a bit destructive to other people. My general response is people either love me, or hate me, over time it always tends to turn to love though .

You seem to hold some opinion that most people fall in love with you over time, scared that times going to run out? if so don't rush things INFJ dont like to be rushed, while at least I dont....

I normally do not care about much of anything, I BARELY care about school, but I'm falling hard for her, and she doesn't seem to me to be interested. I asked her last night through my insecurities whether or not she was interested in me, And she said yes, or why else would she be talking to me so much. I thought to myself, DUH, why couldn't I see it. BUT! after a six hour conversation we had at the library, she went home, and didn't respond to my text, then when she did, she was apologizing, but I never gave me a reason why. Today she has been reclusive, telling me that she is kind of depressed, and that she needs to clear her thoughts, and stuff like that, but I'm over here freaking out. I'm smitten by her, and I've never felt this insecure in my life

INFJ are introverted in nature, we live in our own minds, we take the world in doses then retreat into our shell. we take so much of the world and those around us in that it exhausts us. we have a tendency to digest information, way past its use by date. Feeling insecure is only human, just don't take her not txting back to heart, she hasnt forgotten about you.

I really wish I could intravenously intake her thoughts into my brain.

Even then I doubt you would even understand her. I barely understand myself sometimes....

I feel like my problem hasn't been thoroughly explained, so, i'll try to re-explain. She scares me, I don't like being hurt, I don't want to hurt her, and I have a problem with doing that. She's scared of me, and has told me that, She graduates in May, and that pisses me off. She's got morales, and is driven, and has good grades, and I feel inadequate. She has AMAZING grades, and is so driven and idealogical, she's so perfect. And she's been so distant today. I want her so bad, but she says she's scared of commitment, and that when she falls, she falls for good.

I think most of us know what its like to fall for someone, and how scary the prospect of being hurt can be, I'm still recovering from a break up and is just about been 2 years... when it comes to INFJ's never think of yourself as inadequate in our eyes. She's accepted you into her bubble, be thankfull for that. and let her make the next move.

 

[Haven]

She said she was interested but there were a lot of factors against it, Most of it seemed like she was over analyzing it,

Yep thats what we do analyze, over, over...never ending story.

I really felt the things I was talking about, but I said them calmly, and very rationally, which I'm very good at.

Very good at not being blatantly obvious?

She seemed to absorb everything I said, But she said the biggest thing is that she holds her family very dear to her heart, and really respects their opinions, and that they would be against us.

Oh God, just run. I think thats just a cop out by her, sorry but I do.

Now, being a ENTP I'm very good at convincing people I'm a different person, but that won't last forever.

I could change, and I want to change,

Why change, why should you. hopefully not for her family's sake. INFJ or not if she cant accept you for who you are then shes not worth it,

1. She's religious and so is her family. I'm ENTP, I don't think a religious ENTP Exist.

2. They're very conservative. I'm very Liberal, but that doesn't even seem like that big a deal to me.

3. I think that's it, but I kind of think there would be a problem with my Ethnicity, This is all going on in Texas, She's Caucasian, and I'm not.

1. God be with them, but you shouldn't have to believe in god just to believe in her.
2. Then why mention it.
3. Are you trying to say they are racists?

BTW, she's really into Typology stuff too, So she knows that these things are norms for me, and she stated when we met that she is limiting herself to ENTPs, She has done extensive research so during our walk, generally anything that was a stereotypical ENTP thing is excused,

I think you give her way more credit then she deserves. Sure you might be an open book to her but your not completely second hand.

 

[Ixsportu2er]

Okay, Sorry not to respond to the post. I'm very distraught at the moment, and i'll soon explain why.

So we started to act really close to each other, our text messages were almost that of a couple, but the true problem finally reveals itself. The outside world.

Her sister, and friends don't like me, before my self realization, for lack of better words, acted like a ESTP, And not just an ESTP but a total player. I haven't had the best reputation, and I've been completely honest with that, but other people wouldn't quite understand where me and her are coming from, most of the people around us are sensors, and they don't seem to understand our logic.

She is very reserved and says she has a reputation to keep, which is fine, every INFJ i have ever met has done similarly things. Not to stereotype but a trend I tend to notice in your type is being very aware and fickle when it comes to how the world perceives you. Which is not the case with me. I broadcast loudly and proudly and always have. She says this isn't really that much of a problem since the only circle we share, I have agreed to abandon (Yeah, I know, I don't want to hear it).

So, Continuing on, Last night we went for another walk, this is what we talked about, but towards the end of the night we talked, and I asked. Minus the world around us, how do you feel about me? To which she responds "You're amazing", Oh god, you have no idea the rush of feelings. Off topic, and anyways, what we decided or at least what I understood is that we are going to try, but put no labels, and try to keep everyone else out of it. I told her that I would keep her in complete secrecy even though that's not what she wanted, Its what I want, until she feels completely comfortable. We talked about my sensor friends, who are completely dense, and don't understand a word I say, which leads me to the next point and probably the most important at this point.

For all intensive purposes, for the last 3 years, I have been a ESTP, I would have my intuitive moments, but... Yeah. I was the Extroverted player prick. That's how my friends know me. That's how my world knows me. So when this fantastic, beautiful, amazing girl comes into my life, I seemingly instantly changed completely over night, And i mean quite literally overnight. That guy was not who I was, He wasn't me. I've been Idealistically ranting since I was 5, I don't know where I went wrong. What happened? Why was my true self lost for so long? Okay, Continuing on with my point. I still have things unfinished relating to my old self. Girls who still show up to my room. My friends say that in four days, I've become the most boring person in the world. Which in my mind is actually quite opposite, In fact, I feel more alive in the last four days, than in the last four years. Hell, dare I say since grade school. My skin is on fire, I can hardly sleep, I can hardly eat, my energy is through the roof. How could all of this change so quickly? So anyways, THE PROBLEM.

Last night, after we were done with our talk, I came back to my room, to find, My roommate with a girl that I had pulled his way (he's an ISFP) and tends to have a problem with girls, So ever since i've known him (three years now), I've been shuffling women his way, and people say I don't care? Anyways, the girl he's messing with, is the roommate to the girl I used to fool around with, and over the last couple of days, he's been giving me a really hard time about not bringing them over. Well... last night was a trap. Alcohol. Girls, and a feeling of obligation to boot. Well, half way through it, I backed out, but I still did things completely against what I told her I was going to do. She told me to keep talking to any of the girls I wanted, but.... I told her I wanted to be true to her, and then the same night, I fool around with someone else? I know my thoughts seem broken up, but I apologize... I'm tearing up right now. I feel terrible, and I just want to abandon my old friends and life, and start a new. But we all know that it isn't that simple, is it?

I have an idea what will be said about all this, but I already had a talk with the girl that was here last night, about what had happened, and that it can't happen again (btw, No sex was had). I've tried to talk to my friends about this... no offence but sensors are so dense, in his mind, motives are only surface deep. He says that I let a girl change me, and that I need to stop letting "pussy" be my motivation, and just be my self -rolls eyes-, and that i really did want to do what I did, because I did it. What an ungrateful sack of shit. So, I'm beating myself up for this? But if I turn on him, I alienate myself from the world, Jesus, this will be just like middle school =/.

My plan is to just tell her the truth, and be honest. She said it was okay to talk to other girls? but honestly that seems more like a test. She says she doesn't care about what I do with other girls. LIES.

I'm falling in love with her, but all of this happened way to fast, and the consequence, Well, It's the fact that my life was built on lies... by being true to her, and myself, these lies would all come tumbling down. She's worth it, I'm worth it. but, I don't want to lose her in the chaos, and there will be chaos... and you guys are such peaceful creatures, that i'm bound to destroy what ever hope I have of maintaining this fairy tale.

 

[Ixsportu2er]

Wait a sec, Are you referring to the the same INFJ your obsessed with or another, and if so you were dating?, I mean girlfriend and friend are two different things. and what was it you done.

Different girl, Long time ago, I lied to her about my age for a long period of time. No idea how I pulled that off, But I told her the truth, and she pretty much never talked to me again.

I felt the same way when I found out what type I was. Say it loud say it proud.

Very Very liberating.

INFJ tend to be great listeners, I wouldn't be surprised if you done most of the talking during your walk and she just listened offering words, advice at times you found strangely appropriate. She was playful in a way you found easy to open up to, something your not use to. which is why you foound it easy to open up to her.

It's kind of back and forth actually, which is terribly refreshing.

You seem to hold some opinion that most people fall in love with you over time, scared that times going to run out? if so don't rush things INFJ dont like to be rushed, while at least I dont....

Great advice, Ive been telling myself that constantly the last 4 days.... It's hard.

INFJ are introverted in nature, we live in our own minds, we take the world in doses then retreat into our shell. we take so much of the world and those around us in that it exhausts us. we have a tendency to digest information, way past its use by date. Feeling insecure is only human, just don't take her not txting back to heart, she hasnt forgotten about you.

Thanks, that's very reassuring, but I'm past that part now... and now it's all technical

Even then I doubt you would even understand her. I barely understand myself sometimes....

Her inner dialog can't be much worse than mine. I don't know if all ENTPs are like this, but my brain is in a constant state of everywhere. I think about fifteen things at once, and I'm creating graphs and charts about them in my head. I just don't ever follow through with them, and I think thats a big point where INFJs and ENTPs differ.

I think most of us know what its like to fall for someone, and how scary the prospect of being hurt can be, I'm still recovering from a break up and is just about been 2 years... when it comes to INFJ's never think of yourself as inadequate in our eyes. She's accepted you into her bubble, be thankfull for that. and let her make the next move.

Based on what she says, This makes a whole lot of sense, but the feelings I get from her are larger than life, and Im having a hard time staying calm.

 

[Ixsportu2er]

Yep thats what we do analyze, over, over...never ending story.

Me too

Oh God, just run. I think thats just a cop out by her, sorry but I do.

Eh, I just think she's very cautious, Who knows? But I won't run from something that makes me feel so good. Even If I share a fate with Icarus.

Why change, why should you. hopefully not for her family's sake. INFJ or not if she cant accept you for who you are then shes not worth it,

It wouldn't be all the time, and it wouldn't really be changing, More like a mask for her friends and family. Idk? Seems reasonable considering the circumstances, but I could be wrong.

1. God be with them, but you shouldn't have to believe in god just to believe in her.
2. Then why mention it.
3. Are you trying to say they are racists?

1. Agreed, and I think she does too, after further conversation.
2. Because... I live in Texas... Have you been to Texas before? And I don't mean Inner cities.
3. This is more me, than her. I secretly think everyone in Texas is Racist. One of my fallacies I guess. There's reasons. I didn't just poof it out of no where. I can be paranoid sometimes

I think you give her way more credit then she deserves. Sure you might be an open book to her but your not completely second hand.

I'm 22 and have about a year left... She's 21 and graduating in May with a double major =/ I feel inadequate. I'm working on it though. That, and you INFJs have an aura of goodness, peace, and beauty that just stills my little ENTP soul. Call me a romantic, but just being around her makes me feel at peace.

 

[Phoenix Down]

You should watch Kare Kano.

Just Sayin'

I'm not saying I know anything about what's up with your sitch.
But you gotta take into consideration your friend is probably trying to look out for you in his own way. I mean a bro doesn't let another bro "settle" until he's like at least 30.

Remember Bros before Ho's?

I mean, not saying your girl is a ho, but to your friend, she's female, you're moping around being all angsty, and she seems to be the cause.

Its cool you're going for the girl, but don't abandon your friends either.

 

[Trifoilum]

What part of Kare Kano echoes with this? O_O (also, read the manga too. They're good)

Okay, Sorry not to respond to the post. I'm very distraught at the moment, and i'll soon explain why.

So we started to act really close to each other, our text messages were almost that of a couple, but the true problem finally reveals itself. The outside world.

Her sister, and friends don't like me, before my self realization, for lack of better words, acted like a ESTP, And not just an ESTP but a total player. I haven't had the best reputation, and I've been completely honest with that, but other people wouldn't quite understand where me and her are coming from, most of the people around us are sensors, and they don't seem to understand our logic (1).

She is very reserved and says she has a reputation to keep, which is fine, every INFJ i have ever met has done similarly things. Not to stereotype but a trend I tend to notice in your type is being very aware and fickle when it comes to how the world perceives you. Which is not the case with me. I broadcast loudly and proudly and always have. She says this isn't really that much of a problem (2) since the only circle we share, I have agreed to abandon (Yeah, I know, I don't want to hear it).

So, Continuing on, Last night we went for another walk, this is what we talked about, but towards the end of the night we talked, and I asked. Minus the world around us, how do you feel about me? To which she responds "You're amazing", Oh god, you have no idea the rush of feelings (3). Off topic, and anyways, what we decided or at least what I understood is that we are going to try, but put no labels, and try to keep everyone else out of it. I told her that I would keep her in complete secrecy even though that's not what she wanted, Its what I want, until she feels completely comfortable (4). We talked about my sensor friends, who are completely dense, and don't understand a word I say, which leads me to the next point and probably the most important at this point.

For all intensive purposes, for the last 3 years, I have been a ESTP, I would have my intuitive moments, but... Yeah. I was the Extroverted player prick. That's how my friends know me. That's how my world knows me (5). So when this fantastic, beautiful, amazing girl comes into my life, I seemingly instantly changed completely over night, And i mean quite literally overnight. That guy was not who I was, He wasn't me. I've been Idealistically ranting since I was 5, I don't know where I went wrong. What happened? Why was my true self lost for so long? Okay, Continuing on with my point. I still have things unfinished relating to my old self. Girls who still show up to my room. My friends say that in four days, I've become the most boring person in the world. Which in my mind is actually quite opposite, In fact, I feel more alive in the last four days, than in the last four years. Hell, dare I say since grade school. My skin is on fire, I can hardly sleep, I can hardly eat, my energy is through the roof. How could all of this change so quickly? So anyways, THE PROBLEM.

Last night, after we were done with our talk, I came back to my room, to find, My roommate with a girl that I had pulled his way (he's an ISFP) and tends to have a problem with girls, So ever since i've known him (three years now), I've been shuffling women his way, and people say I don't care? Anyways, the girl he's messing with, is the roommate to the girl I used to fool around with, and over the last couple of days, he's been giving me a really hard time about not bringing them over. Well... last night was a trap. Alcohol. Girls, and a feeling of obligation to boot. Well, half way through it, I backed out, but I still did things completely against what I told her I was going to do. She told me to keep talking to any of the girls I wanted, but.... I told her I wanted to be true to her, and then the same night, I fool around with someone else? I know my thoughts seem broken up, but I apologize... I'm tearing up right now. I feel terrible, and I just want to abandon my old friends and life, and start a new. But we all know that it isn't that simple, is it? (6)

I have an idea what will be said about all this, but I already had a talk with the girl that was here last night, about what had happened, and that it can't happen again (btw, No sex was had). I've tried to talk to my friends about this... no offence but sensors are so dense, in his mind, motives are only surface deep. He says that I let a girl change me, and that I need to stop letting "pussy" be my motivation, and just be my self -rolls eyes-, and that i really did want to do what I did, because I did it. What an ungrateful sack of shit. So, I'm beating myself up for this? But if I turn on him, I alienate myself from the world, (7) Jesus, this will be just like middle school =/.

My plan is to just tell her the truth, and be honest. She said it was okay to talk to other girls? but honestly that seems more like a test. She says she doesn't care about what I do with other girls. LIES.

I'm falling in love with her, but all of this happened way to fast, and the consequence, Well, It's the fact that my life was built on lies... by being true to her, and myself, these lies would all come tumbling down. She's worth it, I'm worth it. but, I don't want to lose her in the chaos, and there will be chaos... and you guys are such peaceful creatures, that i'm bound to destroy what ever hope I have of maintaining this fairy tale (Last).

First Bolded : IMO, it's up to you on what you want to do with your reputation. Staying yourself / not caring on what people think and trying to change their perspective has their good and bad, as I'm sure you already know. It's not about the understanding part, but what will they do with that lack of understanding.

Second Bolded : Personally looking, I don't think your statement is wrong. I'm personally fickle, too fickle perhaps, on what other people will / have said. But the keypoint here is to understand her. While I understand the importance of not changing people, do understand that she could be hurt by that, and I would say your devil-may-care attitude may hurt her. Especially when you know how aware she is with what people say.

Third Bolded : Congrats.

Fourth Bolded : Wait, what? Do explain more, if you would?

Fifth, Sixth, and Seventh Bolded : I personally understand where you're coming from, but look at yourself. Do you like what you are now, the you that others seen as boring? If you do, it doesn't matter what they say, doesn't it? Because it's they who have a problem with you, not you yourself.

And I can understand how your friends might look at you that way, because if you are seen or presenting yourself as a player, one assumed ability of a player is the ability to change his attitude and behaviour...all for the sake of what? Pussy. They're just calling what they saw, and it's up to you to prove whether if they're right or wrong.

And who are you, the real you? Are you changed because of her, or are you changing for her? And do you want people around you to see the real you, or the you that had been created all these years? I won't say one answer and all it entails is better than the other because depending on where you are and how you see others, the result may be different.

But I personally suggest you should find more people who accepts you the way you are, not the way you're presenting yourself. I'm sure you have a lot of the latter.

As for what happened during that night, tell the INFJ.

Last Bolded : Is she worth all that? But TELL. THE. INFJ. It will be worse if you hide it because she will know. Oh trust me she will. And she'll lose all her trust on you. Sure, it will be messy. It will be chaotic. Admit you probably messed up this time and ask for her forgiveness.

 

[Ixsportu2er]

Okay, I'm not going to quote, because I don't have time, I have breakfast soon. Just a general disclaimer about this thread that I should mention is that our communication (mine and hers) is fantastic. Absolutely Mind boggling fantastic. I'm always completely honest with her.

Forth Bold: Okay, Part of the situation I failed to mention. Her family is very religious and conservative, they know nothing of what or who she is or has done. Her sister graduated high school and just came to our college, and is her roommate. Knows her schedule. Her sister knows that we are hanging out, but not the extent that we are, And if she knew, she would tell her parents. The last couple of days she's come over to my room and hung out for a couple of hours. and can I say. Magical. Just Magical. Anyways. Yeah, She has to keep it a secret because her sister is in a circle that would catch wind if any of my friends knew she was coming over...

Btw, we haven't kissed or done anything, just cuddled... and I couldn't be loving it more. I'm going for a more natural approach in our relationship now... and last night, she said out loud "Were more than friends", and I almost died.

Fifth, Sixth, Seventh bold: We've fixed this too. I want to be the "boring" guy, which isn't really boring... I just am not that outgoing piece of shit anymore. This is the real me... Because I don't have to try, she's set me free from my own mind, if that makes any sense? She's taken off the chains that binded my mind like a slave. That part of me is now getting full course meals, where before... getting table scraps every once in a while, just so it didn't die.

First bold Switched dorm rooms recently, so this isn't as much of a problem as previously anticipated. I just kind of cut myself off from all the sensor drama and gossip. There was no place for it here.

Second bold: I've gained tact. At least with everyone but her, funny. I can be completely myself with her, I let go... and she loves it... I've never been happier in my life.

Last bold: I'm smitten, I'm destroyed, I'm reborn. I told her. She acted like it was nothing, and hugged me. She has me completely. I've fallen hard... I've known her for roughly a week, and she's changed my entire life. The amount of self realization. The first day I met her... we were finishing each others sentences. Which leads me to (Maybe?) my last post on this thread.

We're perfect for each other.
I don't Know if this is a trend for ENTP/INFJ, or if I am lucky. But let me explain.
First, Before I say anything, Understand that ENTP and INFJ have very different life styles. The best way to describe it would be that we are the same person, but do things in different ways. We're like the same coin, but different sides of it? A sock but ones the inside, and ones the outside. Yin and yang, Night and day, Black and white. Get the idea? She's extremely Empathetic, Which makes her see all the pit falls in the world, which makes her pessimistic. I'm extremely apathetic, which makes it so the world never lets me down. Makes me optimistic. She isn't as outgoing, I'm super outgoing, but we both seem to have tendencies in the opposition. She can be VERY extroverted, and I can be VERY introverted. So when we're around each other, We balance each other out. We both have an affinity for nature, we both love to be outside, She's jumpy and gets scared at the things that pop out on the path, I tend to be unwavering, nothing scares me (Not a metaphor, actually walking). She makes plans, I am spontaneous. She loves to write, I love to talk.

Do you see a trend? I could go on ALL day, but the truth is, All of that just makes us stronger. If you understand your faults, and empower your strengths, and be completely honest, and communicate. ENTP/INFJ can only be described as magic. Fucking magic, and I don't believe in magic. When we're in public, we have ESP, when something, seemingly not funny happens, we'll look at each other, and we know what the other is thinking and we laugh so hard. People would probably think we're crazy, but it's so funny.

I really could go on forever, I wish you guys could see for yourselves. I think that an ENTP who isn't mature enough to admit his wrongs will have trouble coupling with an INFJ, and I think an INFJ who doesn't realize that you guys are a hot mess (In a good way), and that sometimes you should just let things slide, and be accepting (Which isn't hard for you), everything will be OKAY. Let go of your objections, The ENTP will do a lot of this for you, Our logic is undeniable

INFJs and ENTPS have a lot of contradictory traits. Just let them go, ENTPs stop being players, and become self aware. INFJs Loosen up, so being so fickle, and be accepting, make sure you stress that you want honesty, for the most part, we're not psychic. Support each other, Listen, Communicate, Hands down, best match, but if it were easy, everyone could do it.


ALSO. the ENTP will need to keep his dick in his pants (or vagina), Flashy things aren't always the best choice. JUST SAYING. Besides, an INFJ's reserved nature just makes it so when stuff does happen, it's that much more special and fantastic. Besides, I heard you guys are freaks in bed >=)

POINT BLANK, Its magic guys. When god made INFJs and ENTPs, He designed us for each other, but I feel like it also has the most obstacles, but I've always felt the hardest things to do are often the most rewarding. C'est la vie.

Edit: If this seems rushed, I apologize, I actually should of left for breakfast 15 minutes ago.

 

[Trifoilum]

Forth Bold: Okay, Part of the situation I failed to mention. Her family is very religious and conservative, they know nothing of what or who she is or has done. Her sister graduated high school and just came to our college, and is her roommate. Knows her schedule. Her sister knows that we are hanging out, but not the extent that we are, And if she knew, she would tell her parents. The last couple of days she's come over to my room and hung out for a couple of hours. and can I say. Magical. Just Magical. Anyways. Yeah, She has to keep it a secret because her sister is in a circle that would catch wind if any of my friends knew she was coming over...

Btw, we haven't kissed or done anything, just cuddled... and I couldn't be loving it more. I'm going for a more natural approach in our relationship now... and last night, she said out loud "Were more than friends", and I almost died.

but the " I told her that I would keep her in complete secrecy even though that's not what she wanted, Its what I want, until she feels completely comfortable"? So what does she want?

Fifth, Sixth, Seventh bold:

We've fixed this too. I want to be the "boring" guy, which isn't really boring... I just am not that outgoing piece of shit anymore. This is the real me... Because I don't have to try, she's set me free from my own mind, if that makes any sense? She's taken off the chains that binded my mind like a slave. That part of me is now getting full course meals, where before... getting table scraps every once in a while, just so it didn't die.

Well, good luck for you then, if that's your decision. I personally don't think it will be smooth and harmless, but I hope it will.

First bold

Switched dorm rooms recently, so this isn't as much of a problem as previously anticipated. I just kind of cut myself off from all the sensor drama and gossip. There was no place for it here.

Second bold: I've gained tact. At least with everyone but her, funny. I can be completely myself with her, I let go... and she loves it... I've never been happier in my life.

I see, in that case, that's good.

Last bold: I'm smitten, I'm destroyed, I'm reborn. I told her. She acted like it was nothing, and hugged me. She has me completely. I've fallen hard... I've known her for roughly a week, and she's changed my entire life. The amount of self realization. The first day I met her... we were finishing each others sentences. Which leads me to (Maybe?) my last post on this thread.

We're perfect for each other.

Then be a gentleman and tell her you screwed up. :|

Either way, good luck. You seemed to be very happy and elated and that's great.

 

[Ixsportu2er]

but the " I told her that I would keep her in complete secrecy even though that's not what she wanted, Its what I want, until she feels completely comfortable"? So what does she want?

I'm not sure what she wants. She may or may not want a serious relationship, but I feel as though if we keep talking and being around each other neither one of us will have a choice. She wants secrecy because of our world, not because of us. We come from different places that conflict, and she doesn't want to, or can't let go of her (I don't expect her to) family, friends, etc... Her sister lives with her, and is a bible thumper, or maybe thats too derogatory. Her sister is sweet, and innocent ESTJ? I think. Raised under Conservative Christianity, and she respects her and her parents a great deal. They will always come first, so in that respect she can't let them down, by being with me, and I respect her for that, she needs to take her time and decide for herself what she wants to do, and what she's comfortable doing. Baby steps, I don't mind waiting, I don't mind being patient to wait for her to figure things out, Because my approach is to just announce where you stand and everyone else will just have to deal with it, she will never be able to do that. So, I'm taking that aspect very slow, and I'm not expecting much to change. Even though I much rather not have all of this stigma and such, it does add a level of thrill just because having to sneak around makes me feel like a secret agent >=P Excitement and a challenge! Right up my alley.

 

[Haven]

She wants secrecy because of our world, not because of us. We come from different places that conflict, and she doesn't want to, or can't let go of her (I don't expect her to) family, friends,

So basically she feels trapped between You and her family, She obviously holds her family's opinion on what should and shouldn't be highly or shes just scared, because she seems to avoid conflict.

Her sister lives with her, and is a bible thumper, or maybe thats too derogatory. Her sister is sweet, and innocent ESTJ? I think. Raised under Conservative Christianity,

You don't have to sugarcoat it, if you don't like her sister just say it. Even I wouldn't like her sister or family for that matter if they were some how keeping me from a person I really felt attracted to, but then its not even the family is it, its her....

They will always come first, so in that respect she can't let them down, by being with me, and I respect her for that, she needs to take her time and decide for herself what she wants to do, and what she's comfortable doing. Baby steps,

Baby Steps? Sounds like shes not moving anywhere not with the familys chock hold they have over her. No ones saying you don't respect her, but don't tell me your happy with where she stands on the matter.

I don't mind waiting, I don't mind being patient to wait for her to figure things out, Because my approach is to just announce where you stand and everyone else will just have to deal with it, she will never be able to do that..So, I'm taking that aspect very slow, and I'm not expecting much to change

Well then don't wait around killing yourself over it, if shes never going to change. how do you ever expect to move forward. Maybe its time to accept what is, instead of whats possible.

Even though I much rather not have all of this stigma and such, it does add a level of thrill just because having to sneak around makes me feel like a secret agent >=P Excitement and a challenge! Right up my alley.

Your right you are a secret agent living in her double life. I'm sorry if my opinion comes across harsh, buts its an opinion based entirely on what you've said, I can't give you anything more then that because I cant truly hear both sides of the story, only yours.