Funny to see this thread revived!
I have a different take on eye contact today. As a society, we've grown weary and more aware of how we relate to people in public. I find myself avoiding eye contact unless I am looking at someone directly in a social situation. I may look in the general direction but I avoid looking at someone for long periods. I remember when it was more common for people to look or even stare at others in interest, etc. without saying anything to anyone, and of course, that can make someone uncomfortable or appear rude.
The other aspect is showing interest, attraction or romantic interest, in someone. I remember when it was ok without being imposing to look at people if you noticed someone and thought them attractive, now this may be considered harassment if you look too long. I agree that this can make someone uncomfortable even if it may be well-intentioned. But now, I feel so self-conscious about making eye contact unless required for fear that I may make someone uncomfortable or show interest in someone who doesn't want it. I avoid direct eye contact lately.
Thing is, eye contact can mean so much or so little. I find today though that eye contact means less personal, less intimate, or authentic. Much of this is also cultural. I remember, when I was younger, cultural speaking (Caribbean), you weren't supposed to look directly too often especially if you're looking at someone of a different gender because it was seen as flirting or attracting attention. On the other hand, today, because of the customer service eye contact practices where it is required or expected, people use eye contact to make clients, customers, or guests, feel really special or pleasant which is nice, especially if it's genuine, but it can also feel forced, like a facade. It's not real. In other situations, eye contact with some people is like being given a glazed look. They will look at you, but they are really seeing you or truly interested. And sometimes, people seem to just want the attention of others' eye contact but they are really not interested in showing that genuine interest in others.
When listening in a conversation, good eye contact is important because you want the person to feel you have their attention and you want them to feel that what they say is important. However, it shouldn't be one-sided. Attention given and received through eye contact should be balanced, I think, especially in a relationship. Honestly, I kinda think it's sad how we relate to each other today. Because of technology, we are more likely to look down or focus our eye contact only on those in our general space. Once upon a time, when technology wasn't something that was rampant, catching someone's eye easily turned into a conversation or chat. Now, it wasn't something to be avoided. We are all just doing our own thing. We don't really see people we way we once did.
Understandably, the pandemic has of course changed how we communicate and relate. However, being isolated or avoidant in communication has made it harder for us to know how to interact with people. We are generally more awkward and afraid. Of course, security and safety matter more to us today. I think the professional requirements of eye contact today make it less authentic and real. Sadly, I don't think it is as genuine as it once was.
Anyway, things and times change. Technology has significantly changed our communication and we can't turn back the clock. Well, should be interesting to see how body language evolves over the next decade.
