Faking It: Women, Academia, and Impostor Syndrome

[La Sagna]

Sadly I must agree. Having sex with women does not make me immune to this :'(

I have never understood why a woman would fake orgasm. It makes no sense to me.

 

[Gaze]

I have never understood why a woman would fake orgasm. It makes no sense to me.

really?

 

[La Sagna]

I have been studying the effects of gender stereotyping in my social psychology class and there is some information that would be relevant to this discussion. Research seems to indicate that when students receive good grades they rate male and female professors equally but when they receive bad grades they rate women professors worse than they rate male professors.

http://arts.uwaterloo.ca/~psych291/SinclairKunda.pdf

There are several studies showing that people in positions of authority like a professor or a boss get rated equally when they give positive feedback to the student/employee but when they give negative feedback black males and women get rated much more harshly than white men.

Here is a document that would probably really interest you [MENTION=10252]say what[/MENTION] [MENTION=1669]Framed[/MENTION]

https://advance.washington.edu/apps/resources/docs/20030513-student_ratings_ds.pdf

 

[Gaze]

I have been studying the effects of gender stereotyping in my social psychology class and there is some information that would be relevant to this discussion. Research seems to indicate that when students receive good grades they rate male and female professors equally but when they receive bad grades they rate women professors worse than they rate male professors.

http://arts.uwaterloo.ca/~psych291/SinclairKunda.pdf

There are several studies showing that people in positions of authority like a professor or a boss get rated equally when they give positive feedback to the student/employee but when they give negative feedback black males and women get rated much more harshly than white men.

Here is a document that would probably really interest you @say what @Framed

https://advance.washington.edu/apps/resources/docs/20030513-student_ratings_ds.pdf

not surprised. I've seen this and experienced this so yeah. I'm learning to not even worry about this stuff anymore, because it's not gonna make a difference for me either way. It's still going to be my responsibility to adjust and accommodate at the end of the day. Sometimes, all you can do is make the best of things as you are able, so I've pretty much let things be. I've stopped fighting losing battles.

 

[La Sagna]

really?

I don't know, maybe it's easier for me to get there than some. If it's not happening though it's just not happening and I would feel silly pretending. There would have to be a really good reason and there's no point in hiding it.

 

[Gaze]

I don't know, maybe it's easier for me to get there than some. If it's not happening though it's just not happening and I would feel silly pretending. There would have to be a really good reason and there's no point in hiding it.

Well, yeah, shouldn't have to of course. It depends on the partner. Some partners are impatient, and so it seems to be one way of speeding up the process.

 

[La Sagna]

Well, yeah, shouldn't have to of course. It depends on the partner. Some partners are impatient, and so it seems to be one way of speeding up the process.

Now it's my turn to say, really? That doesn't sound like much fun.

 

[54tjsioU]

I have never understood why a woman would fake orgasm. It makes no sense to me.

I didn't either until I had to. I was having sex with this woman, the nail bitter I call her -among many other slurs. I told her to stop biting her nails and to cut them as much as she could, she scarcely listened to me... She had been having a hard time trying to make me orgasm, probably for that reason alone. We were in her uncles house, she was trying really hard and I was really bored, until I felt her ridged finger nail. I was so pissed my first yell out was in anger though I quickly realized her face, looking as if she had accomplished something good, and continued. I had to fake an orgasm, my cunt was in danger. And I did, and I was beyond pissed. I told her a couple days after as she wanted to do it again and I didn't want her near me. Our relationship went on like that for a few more days and I was just done. One of those, "Get the fuck off me!" feelings stupid bitch...

 

[say what]

I have never understood why a woman would fake orgasm. It makes no sense to me.

sometimes you just want to get it over with!!

 

[La Sagna]

sometimes you just want to get it over with!!

Really? That's interesting I guess I'm luckier than I thought. The person would have to be absolutely terrible for me to feel like that and to not have an orgasm. I guess I can count that as a blessing .

[MENTION=10166]DonTaushMe[/MENTION] If you're bored and she's hurting you then why pretend to enjoy it? Wouldn't you be better off to just say that you would rather stop since it wasn't enjoyable?

 

[54tjsioU]

Really? That's interesting I guess I'm luckier than I thought. The person would have to be absolutely terrible for me to feel like that and to not have an orgasm. I guess I can count that as a blessing .

[MENTION=10166]DonTaushMe[/MENTION] If you're bored and she's hurting you then why pretend to enjoy it? Wouldn't you be better off to just say that you would rather stop since it wasn't enjoyable?

I was dating her at the time and much more concerned with people's feelings when they are so horrible at sex. I have since grown more irreverent and all around angry when a woman is incompetent on pleasing another woman.

 

[sprinkles]

I didn't either until I had to. I was having sex with this woman, the nail bitter I call her -among many other slurs. I told her to stop biting her nails and to cut them as much as she could, she scarcely listened to me... She had been having a hard time trying to make me orgasm, probably for that reason alone. We were in her uncles house, she was trying really hard and I was really bored, until I felt her ridged finger nail. I was so pissed my first yell out was in anger though I quickly realized her face, looking as if she had accomplished something good, and continued. I had to fake an orgasm, my cunt was in danger. And I did, and I was beyond pissed. I told her a couple days after as she wanted to do it again and I didn't want her near me. Our relationship went on like that for a few more days and I was just done. One of those, "Get the fuck off me!" feelings stupid bitch...

Bleh I don't know how people do that. My nails are sensitive and I need them to be perfectly smooth - if they are not, I can feel it even when I'm not touching anything. If I chip one I have to trim it and buff it out. That has made me seem overly girly in a stereotypical way in the past but I'm sorry, I can't stand it. It's worse than having a rock in your shoe.

So I could understand why you'd hate that.

 

[54tjsioU]

Bleh I don't know how people do that. My nails are sensitive and I need them to be perfectly smooth - if they are not, I can feel it even when I'm not touching anything. If I chip one I have to trim it and buff it out. That has made me seem overly girly in a stereotypical way in the past but I'm sorry, I can't stand it. It's worse than having a rock in your shoe.

So I could understand why you'd hate that.

Lol my nails were bothering me the other day. I clip them once every week and if I am late a day I notice real quick. "Their too long!! I feel like I'm gonna stab myself! Look how long these are!!!" they're like a milometer long lol...

 

[Deleted member 12009]

All the womanspecific-mumbojumbo aside, I as a male also feel like this, very badly. I'm one of the best students of the entire study, but I feel like I'll get unmasked, even though I'm really just putting all my effort in achieving the best. What the hell, anterior cingulate?

 

[Deleted member 12009]

Oh and, to the friendly fellow who quoted me and had his/her post deleted: does me being a male make this any less of a problem? Simply because it's not in your interest? Impostor syndrome need not only be systematically linked to being female in academia but also variables that covary with gender (but aren't identical to it) such as, perhaps, self-esteem and attitudes towards one's own learning efforts.
You wouldn't express this insensitivity if I were a female perhaps because of the OP post and a dogmatic undeniableness of feminist issues. Think for yourself.

 

[Bird]

I am sure the reason I have not noticed this thread before is due to me being on this forum so little as of late, but I find this thread incredibly captivating and am glad that it caught my notice this morning.

I certainly have experienced imposter syndrome and felt that I was at a disadvantage for being a female in academics- however, I never linked them, but it makes sense! As a young professional who is childless and single, I often feel that people also see this as a negative or a downfall of me. I worry that people think (1) that I've selfishly chosen to pursue a career over a family, or (2) when time comes for applying to jobs, they'll feel that I am at a greater risk for 'maternity leave'/'motherhood' than a man who's my age. I think females have to balance the expectations of what other's think women should do, as well as feeling guilty for choosing to embrace the 'traditional' role of a female.

I really, really loathe that it is expected for all women to have children. This belief is so archaic and quite truthfully, it is wrong. Many people think that every woman has a maternal instinct however this is false. Every woman has the capability to develop a maternal instinct (which is really called the maternal bond, but let’s not get into that) you just have to become pregnant with a child to feel that. You cannot form a bond to a nothing. If there has not been an embryo in the womb then there is no maternal bond. Do mother’s that adopt miss out on the maternal bond? Yes. This is something that occurs after conception; if you did not personally conceive the child that bond will not exist.

So why is it considered selfish for women to veto having children but for men it isn’t. People often ask me when I am going to start a family. I know they are just asking in a friendly way, but I still dislike being asked. Why? Because of their reaction to my answer. Suddenly I am less of a woman in their eyes because I am on the fence of whether or not I want a child. There are so many things I want to do in my life. Choosing to not have children isn’t selfish. It affects no one but me.

A woman is a woman, she is not a birthing machine. A woman’s purpose in life is no longer to have children, we have so many other reasons to live. Do not put a woman down for not wanting children.

In this sense, being a woman often works against us, because as you have said, corporations and employers feel we are at risk for taking a maternity leave while men simply are not. Is this sexist? Absolutely. The idea that a woman is the only one that can stay home and take care of the baby is infuriating. Men are just as capable as caring for their offspring as a woman is thanks to things like breast pumps and formula, etc…

These archaic ideas that women are caretakers and will drop out of their career field as soon as they find out they are pregnant propagates a negative loop for women. If you do not want children, you often know that at a fairly young age. Your entire life you are fed the bullshit that women must have babies so when you realize you don’t you start to feel abnormal and wonder what is wrong with you, why you don’t feel that incessant drive to have children. In truth, there is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with the expectations that society and others put onto women. This is not something that men project onto women. Women also do this to other women.

For example I was talking to two of my female coworkers about three weeks ago and Jenna and I were discussing our concerns regarding children and why we are not sold on the idea when another of our coworkers interjected “You guys don’t want children? What is wrong with you!?”. Jenna and I both just looked at each other because it is always the same reaction: there must be something wrong with a woman if she does not want to have children or is unsure on whether or not she does. Children are a huge decision and so many things should affect the reasoning you decide to procreate. Being a woman should not be the reason you have a child. If that is sole your reason you may, one day, grow to resent your children. /rant

The author mentions that women should speak up and try and not be afraid of expressing their opinions in the classroom. I find this interesting because I often speak up in class and express questions/comments. But recently I've found that, especially in a male dominated environment, this almost works against me. It's a hard balance for women because those who show confidence outwardly are often deemed 'aggressive'; and heaven forbid you share how you feel because you'll be tagged "emotional"! This is added stress, and I don't think males think about this at all. I find that males often don't like me, and disregard me and my comments- referring to me as being "emotional", when I'm just being passionate about a topic. If I were male, they would just have a collegial debate - I've seen it! But if a woman shows conviction and confidence, she's getting 'worked up' and 'taking it personally'.

I agree with you that speaking up often times will work against you. You will suddenly become the butt of a joke due to your opinion. Men in a group often compete for the alpha male position and putting a woman down by discrediting her thoughts and opinions because “all women must be an emotional mess” is a card that is often played in the world of academia as well as male-dominated fields such as programming or chemistry or engineering when scrambling for that elusive alpha male position.

Women have to try so hard to balance their lives between being a human and being a woman. Men want confident women, but not too confident; men like women with drive, as long as they aren’t competition; men want smart women as long as they aren’t smarter than the man; etc… etc… etc…

I've also notice that the female student- male advisor relationship can be quite difficult. I've been uncomfortable around my advisor a few times (him asking me to stay late and have a drink while he talks about issues in his marriage), kisses on the cheek, hugs, unexpected back massages. I think women experience this outwardly power dynamic a lot- and it's hard. If you approach it - and it doesn't go well - you're blacklisted and the hard work you've done is gone. So what do you do? You're left having to sit through it while it makes your skin crawl.

I think this works in other ways than the student-advisor role as well. Anytime you work closely with a male superior he almost always will make advances toward you. I recently found out that my boss tells my coworkers that I have a thing for him. The truth of the matter is I actually cannot stand him, Korg hears about my dislike for the man all of the time. At an architecture firm I was at for a while the vice president of the firm and I ended up going out on a date (I was unawares it was a date until too late). When these kinds of situations occur what do you do? As you said this is an incredibly slippery slope. Even if you take something like this to an HR department they will often times leave it as a non-issue because no one else has experienced the problem. Of course no one else has because the women who have experienced the unwelcomed sexual advances quit because they couldn’t handle it and people don’t take women’s experiences seriously. People assume that you must have been provoking it from the man when you were literally born attractive and had no control over the situation whatsoever. If you punch him in the face or say something shitty like you want, he can fire you, or give you bad reviews or poor advice. How do you navigate those waters?

What’s alarming is that the more education and professional skills women acquire, the less confident we seem to feel. Witness a recent survey of undergraduates at Boston College, which showed that female students finished college with lower self-esteem than they started with. Male students, on the other hand, graduated with greater self-confidence (albeit lower GPAs) than their female peers.

I can relate to this very well. I remember distinctly one morning I was in my calculus class and I proffered an answer to a problem we had been trying to solve for some weeks. It was a small lecture and there were only two females in the class, me and another. I solved the equation and my professor, who was a woman was really proud of me. However from the males in my class I could literally feel a wall grow a few more feet between us. There is still this idea in society that men are left brained and more analytical and better at maths and sciences while women are right brained and artistic. However if you look back in history a hundred years ago women weren’t even considered better at “the arts”. Nearly every great painter is a man, before Mary Shelley wrote Dracula in 1897 it was frowned upon for women to even try their hand at writing. Women were to simply sit at home with their needlework, their cooking, and their child rearing.

Women feel apprehension when it comes to achieving in academics or fields that are populated by men and have feelings of insecurity because it hasn’t been that long that we have even been allowed in the classroom at all let alone with men. If you answer something incorrectly as a woman you are inadvertently reinforcing the idea that men are better than women especially in regards to the sciences. For so long it has been a male dominated field and literally only within the last decade or so have we been encouraging females to pursue their dreams in a science-related field or sports. It isn’t like when a man answers wrong or misses a shot on a basketball court. When that happens it is no big deal, it is normal and fine. When a woman makes a mistake it is because she isn’t a man. That level of thinking is incredibly wrong but is still in effect and women feel it. We feel like impostors because for so long only men have been allowed into these career fields or classrooms and we are still trying to cement our place there.

 

[Pin]

To be honest, these are not issues I spend a lot of time thinking about. I'm grateful that I don't have to. Work and university are not home. We need to do a better job at separating the spheres and remaining professional.

 

[mintoots]

To be honest, these are not issues I spend a lot of time thinking about. I'm grateful that I don't have to. Work and university are not home. We need to do a better job at separating the spheres and remaining professional.

What do you mean?